This will be quite a long story so sorry in advanced. I'm new to this site and this is only my second day of nofap. I need help kicking this terrible addiction. I'm turning 21 next month and I've been watching sissy hypnos for about 3 years now. In high school I kinda figured I was bi, I watched gay porn occasionally but I KNEW I liked females. I'd constantly check them out at school and I even almost had relationships. In the summer before grade 12 I even had sex, and I had no problems getting it up, even though I jerked off twice that day. I didn't finish, partially because I wasn't wearing a condom and partially because I jerked off twice that day, but I didn't think anything of it. Since I'm a fairly anti-social person, I didn't really ever try to have sex again, as I literally had sex before my first kiss, I was very inexperienced, even hugging people made me uncomfortable. So after grade 12 ended, I had a lot of free time in the summer and I started watching PMVs (porn music videos). I used to jerk off to youtube videos so it felt familiar. One day I must've clicked on a sissy hypno video or something because next thing you know I started watching that regularly. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I literally told myself "oh it won't work" (little did I know I was wrong haha). For the first few years or so I'd watched that occasionally and also watch straight porn and PMVs. When I watchdd straight pron though, at the time I didn't think I was the female. Eventually it started creeping into my mind that it'd be more fun to be a female. I still had thoughts about women until about last September. I was supposed to go on a date with a girl I liked and she cancelled without giving an explanation. At the time I thought of hooking up with a guy as "oh I just wanna try it", as well as the past few years. Eventually I started smoking a lot of weed and that mixed with sissy hypnos, I started to think I was gay, even though I always checked out women and liked a girl at the time. It all came to a head though in late January when I went to a different town a few hours away and had sex in a parking lot, during the day with a girl I wasn't attracted to and never talked to in person. After this I really started to think I was gay. The girl I liked also turned out to be gay, so I don't know if me starting to feel comfortable telling people I could be gay made it worse. Lately I've barely had any PMOs where I had straight thoughts. I sorta have to force myself to think straight when I jerk off. Even when I check out some of the ladies at work I feel like I'm forcing myself to do it, even though it's subconcious. After jerking off to sissy porn or gay porn, I'd feel shame and humiliation and feel like this isn't the real me. But after I smoked weed for two days straight, I just havwn't the energy to care anymore. I don't know if I'm just denying the fact I'm gay or this sissy shit has fucked with my brain to a point where I have no confidence in myself. I have pretty bad depression and since I was 12, I'd always use that to try and make myself feel better. I didn't know it would affect me this much. I'm going to see a therapist next Tuesday, but I don't know if I'd feel comfortable telling them this stuff, so I just wanted to get some tricks and tips from people in the community.