I overcame my fear of approaching girls (2years NoFap)

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Deleted Account, Mar 27, 2020.

  1. At school, I was an extremely shy, introverted boy. I had no friends. I was the kind of person who couldn't adapt to people, couldn't have fun. I didn't understand social dynamics. I sucked at girls. I blushed every time a girl talked to me. I was harassed at school for two years. I have had and still have after-effects from that period. I always had very nice and protective parents but it didn't help me. I was what we call a "nice guy". I was trying to get recognition and attention. I was afraid to be myself because of fear of disappointing. I was afraid to succeed, afraid to fail. From the age of 11 to 19, I took refuge in video games and pornography. No parties with friends, no girlfriends. I'm a hypersensitive guy so I fell into depression several times. I have to say I get emotional quite easily.
    I've always been that kind of guy who's far from being the most talented. I tended to compare myself to others. But I've always had this fire in me and this voice telling me I wanted more. When I was eight years old, I remember I kept telling myself that I was different. I always worked harder than others and I always fought for what I wanted. I always saw life as a struggle. But I felt like I was alone in this fight and I was out of step with others.
    From the age of 19 to 20, I fell into a deep depression. But that was the last one. At the age of 20, I decided this had to change.
    I left my parents' house and moved to a bigger city to go back to school. I decided to list all the things I wanted to accomplish.

    - Stop masturbation and pornography
    - Stop playing video games
    - being able to go out and talk to girls I like.
    - Making friends
    - Building the body I've always wanted to have...
    - Eating healthy
    - Meditation


    So I've given up masturbation, pornography and video games altogether. Stopping masturbation and pornography has been my driving force to take action.When I stopped masturbating, I exploded, literally. I saw all the doors open and I saw the world differently. I felt an inner peace. A peace that made me realize that no matter what happens, I am who I am. And that's enough.

    I started to face my fears and to go out and talk to attractive girls in my everyday life. I remember the first time I approached a girl on the street. I can't tell you how scared I was. I thought it was gonna hurt at first. I compared it to throwing myself headfirst into a crocodile cage. I'd been thinking about it for 2 months and I never dared before. I saw this beautiful girl walking by and I remember I thought "Fuck man, go ahead, no matter what happens, you'll be proud of yourself". My heart was pounding. My confidence level was sooo low that I knew I was going to get rejected.
    I ran after her, we talked for two minutes and she gave me her number. At that moment, I felt invincible. People on the street must have thought I was crazy because I was so happy. I was screaming everywhere. After overcoming my fear, and realizing that nothing bad happened, I decided to stop being a loser.
    I kept going, every day. On the street, in stores. Groups of one, two, three girls. Families. In situations that were always different. On the bus, in the subway... I also overcame my fears at night (sober).
    I had to face the fear of rejection, fear of other people looking at me, fear of looking like a weird guy, fear of not being good enough, of not knowing what to say. Every time something became comfortable, I increased the difficulty.
    I put myself in situations every day where I had no control over what was going to happen. I have a few moments I'll never forget. I was going against all those standards that prevent you from realizing your dreams and what's important to you. What helped me to take action was :

    -this video :

    - None of that will matter at the end of my life. All that will matter is who I've become.
    - Fear is a compass to discover yourself and finally be free, not something to be avoided.
    - What's stopping you from taking action besides fear? Nothing. Then go ahead.

    I talked to thousands of girls. I have had dozens of fulfilling relationships and deep connections with girls. I am able to go out and talk to any girl I like in my everyday life.

    I'm not a nice guy anymore. I accept myself for who I am and I don't need recognition anymore. I've met guys who have the same goals as me and we're like a family. I have enormous respect for them and for all the people who do everything they can to improve their lives and unleash their full potential. They are heroes and inspiration to me.
    I went to the gym five times a week. I gave everything i had every single time. I started to pay attention to what I ate. I started meditation and reading self development books. I cut off contact with the few friends I had who were dragging me down.
    I've gotten the body I've always dreamed of having.

    I've had my good times and bad times. Because yes, I've also had a lot of failures, hard times, questioning. This process is difficult. I've questioned myself so many times. Some girls ignored me after a first date. I learned things about myself that hurt me. Believe me, there have been hard times, too.
    But most of all, I learned, I grew as a person. And I think that's the most important thing, beyond the results. Your worst day on your purpose will always beat your best day off your purpose.

    Here's a list of things I've developed:

    - Self confidence
    - Social Intelligence
    - Honesty
    - Authenticity
    - I don't care about the results anymore
    - Ability to push my limits beyond imagination
    - My relationship to fear has changed. I no longer see fear as something to run away from, but as a friend that can make me grow. Getting out of my comfort zone is a pleasure.
    - I'm no longer afraid of other people's gaze
    - Self-discipline
    - Joy
    - Your thoughts are just thoughts, nothing else
    - Presence
    - Ability to let go of things I can't control
    - Acceptance. I'm not trying to fight my emotions. I accept them and welcome them with kindness. Even if I feel bad, I still take action because I like who I am and I want to do it.
    - I love life. From the bottom of my heart.

    I'm still the sensitive, introverted boy that I was. I know that's not going to change. But I love myself just the way I am. I love people. I have no limits anymore. I realize that the only limits I had were the ones I set for myself.
    Even if I had to stop everything today, I would be happy. I know who I am now. And I think that's the most important thing. No matter what you go through, your mental state, All those failures, those hard times, YOU ARE ENOUGH. Abundance is the starting point, not the goal.

    I realize how proud the shy man I used to be would be of me. As a hypersensitive I feel the emotion more distinctly. This sensitivity has really allowed me to learn about myself and to accept myself as I am. It also allows me to understand the world and I know that I am on the right path. No matter what happens in the future, I already feel a lot of gratitude for everything.
    Anything is possible if you put aside your limiting beliefs and finally decide to live life to the fullest. I believe in you.

    I learned that fear keeps us from becoming who we honestly deep down want to be. The truth is, the other side of fear is freedom.
    Once you start facing fear, everyday, a little bit, you start growing. And you become addicted to that growth. You actually even enjoy getting rejected because no matter what happens, you're expressing yourself and spreading happiness around you. Pain becomes joy...

    I learned that you have to put yourself first in life. Always. Because nobody else is gonna put your happiness first. Nobody, ever. Don't wait until you're ready. Because you never will be. It's the principle of getting out of your comfort zone: Losing control of what's going to happen. Every time you do that, you grow.
    We're going to die one day. But we don't know when. Live your life as if it's your last day. Take care of yourself as you would take care of your own child.

    Today is my birthday. I'm 22 years old. And this is just the beginning of this adventure. I'm proud, and I'm excited to keep growing and learning. Knowing in my heart that I've already crossed the finish line.

    My main goal now is becoming a dating and self development coach.

    Thank you all for reading me
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 2, 2020
  2. Happycamper12076

    Happycamper12076 Fapstronaut

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  3. Alex 623

    Alex 623 Fapstronaut

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  4. 09 MJACC

    09 MJACC Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. Your story is pretty inspiring.
    Congrats for the results and all that hard work. Take care bro.
     
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  5. Starboy12

    Starboy12 Fapstronaut

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    Well done bro, amazing story and also happy birthday.
     
    Zeeshaan likes this.
  6. Much Ado About Nutting

    Much Ado About Nutting Fapstronaut

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    Really good story bud. I've had some similiar experiences. I gave up porn back in 2015 and improved my dating life a ton just like you. It was amazing. Unfortunately i went back to porn after about 10 months. It was a big mistake. Now I'm no porn for 8 months and I'm so proud of this accomplishment. I'm glad I read this also because right now I'm about a month no MO. I also feel like I want to give up masturbation and only rely on women for sexual pleasure.

    There is a lot more I want out of life. I know that I have to have success in this area to have success in other areas. I do feel freedom from the porn problem... so now I'm just working on monk mode.

    Thanks for your story
     
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  7. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    Grande félicitations pour votre progrès camarade (Je parle bien français mais ma écriture est terrible, donc je préfère continuer écrire en anglais)!
    I have been on 2+ years of NoFap-hard mode myself right now and my life-story and journey seems very similar to yours in so many ways. I will post in a novel-form within the next few weeks probably. I just wish I had made those changes and started NoFap over ten years ago (at age 19 and not 29) but it is nothing I continue to dwell on as I am currently enjoying life more than ever. Despite being more economically and physically limited due to all the Coronavirus precautions.
    Rather I try to look forward towards what's here right now and ahead of me instead since I have a lot of things to be happy and grateful for. The awareness about the perils of PMO, NoFap and similar back in 2007-2008 was also essentially non-existant at the time, plus I wasn't susceptible to these realities and facts back in the day since I was too sad, broken and frustrated to absorb anything that contradicted my own world- and life view.

    Although I have gained a lot of confidence, backbone, calmness and groundedness for the last two years, I still have been too shy, reserved and coward when it comes to the ladies (because of too much dwelling on my past) but at least, I have become good at sifting out the toxic ones from the good ones and don't even bother about the former. I know that in 95% of cases, I am the catch (not her) so in order to dedicate some of my precious time on her, it's got to be a good woman who brings something more to the table than sex or nothing at all. Simply because life is too short to spend on toxic women and toxic people overall so I rather remain sane and single than insane and coupled.

    But for now, I am dedicating a lot of time to focus on my health, life-goals and purposes which is what every man who wants to acquire the benefits of NoFap should do. That holistic view is key to a well-lived life because if you don't have either health, spirituality or life-goals and purposes, you will decay and slowly rot away in misery like most men these days. Most of them never even get to know about NoFap and are hence jizzing away their short lives and dedicate their time and attention to petty things, toxic past-times and people who are making their lives even more miserable.
     
  8. ramiman

    ramiman Fapstronaut

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    good job bro, keep going
     
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  9. Thank you for the report and the inspiration. I'm going threw such a difficult time right now and my mind isn't in this mind set that I used to be. I've lost passion for my hobbies and efforts to talk to woman. I can but eventually I get into a depressive state of mind if its even worth it. I have depression and battling this habit this year has been extremely hard. I had a failed relationship last year and its in my mind until this day. I meditate on my Chakras and pray for that I can forget about this girl, yes I am facing the pain and not suppressing it. I ended up really liking her and she betrayed me pretty much. But I've realized shes moved on and I have to move on for a happy, healthy life.
     
  10. I was in your case last year. When you read my story, you can tell yourself that from the moment I took action, everything went according to plan. But it didn't. I want to share with you some thoughts that helped me move on after a breakup.

    • Depression is a positive thing. Yeah, it hurts. Yeah, you're going through a really complicated time. But trust me, you're gonna come out of it stronger. You're gonna learn from this. It's my belief that all hard times help make us stronger. You have a lot to learn from this. You're gonna laugh, but I'm a pro at depression. I know what it feels like. And looking back, I'm glad I experienced it.
    • Your thoughts don't define you. There's the inner you, and your thoughts. When you're depressed or having a hard time, your negative thoughts never stop. You end up identifying with them. They're just thoughts, nothing else.
    • You have to let go of the things you can't control. I don't know your story. You must have regrets about some things. But there's one thing you can control. It's how you react to things. That story ended. Maybe it had to end to make way for something even more beautiful.
    • Focus on the present moment. What hurts you is that your thought flow keeps taking you backwards and forwards in time or into the future. But when you focus on the now, you realize that it's not that bad.
    • Slowly start working on yourself again. Step by step. Don't be too hard on yourself. You've already accomplished a lot. You should be proud of yourself. A lot of people would like to take this step, but they'll never have the strength to do it.
    • In my case, I intentionally put myself in situations where I'm going to feel bad. Just like you. Just to say, "man, you should be proud of yourself for coming this far." Breaks are important. When you never stop, you don't realize how far you've come.
    I'm 22. I still have a lot to learn. But i hope i helped you at least a little.Good luck to you :)
     
  11. Tim9910

    Tim9910 New Fapstronaut

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  12. Khan_Jee

    Khan_Jee Fapstronaut

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    You were right you have inspired me . Truly .
     
  13. Khan_Jee

    Khan_Jee Fapstronaut

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    And i would love to meet you some day if i went to france in future ,my dream is to visit as many countries as possible . I am 45 days behind in completing my 1.5 years of nofap . And i believe it is the greatest gift that could ever be bestowd upon a man .for 5 years i wondered what could possibly be the one thing that could change my life and lift me up from the ashes i were in well there it is and i am glad for it . Respects .
     
  14. It would be a pleasure to meet you some day. Keep going :)
     
  15. Very inspiring.
     
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  16. Coopers

    Coopers Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much.I've suffered so much from the masturbation.I really wanna abandon it.Your experience inspires me a lot,making me more confident to fight against it!(thanks form the bottom of my heart)
     
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  17. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

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    Very inspiring indeed. Do you believe that pmo held you back from your goals? ( being a pro pingpong player)

    Im much older than you but I still feel inspired now. Thanks!
     
  18. Definitely. Without nofap, I would never have reached my goals (not only concerning sport). The benefits are incredible. More energy, more sexuality, more patience, more presence, more motivation, and so on. I think that stopping PMO is almost a necessity for someone who wants more than others in life.

    However, nofap without the lifestyle that goes with it is useless in my opinion. It is not a magic pill that solves all problems. It is by combining nofap with all the good habits that it becomes incredible. To stop masturbating is in my opinion the easiest habit to take. When you are busy enough to work on yourself during the day, you don't think about jerking off anymore. I think it's easy. The hardest thing is to stop your other bad habits, to replace them with good ones. It's doing things that other people don't do. It's getting out of your comfort zone and learning, making mistakes.
    It's knowing you're going to screw up and going anyway. Putting your ego aside. That's really hard.

    And on the other hand, knowing how to put things in perspective and let go of things that happen. Because they happen and there's nothing we can do about it. Just accept every situation and even voluntarily put ourselves in difficult situations to observe our reaction to these.

    Thank you, and take care
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 13, 2020
  19. cali4sto

    cali4sto Fapstronaut

    Such a nice story, best wishes mate!
     
  20. Thanks dude !
     

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