I realized something regarding girls

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Cobra, Sep 13, 2019.

  1. Cobra

    Cobra Fapstronaut

    In the past in high school, I barely had any experience talking to girls. But now, with Nofap, since I've gained the confidence, I often interact with girls in college. I've often had this idea that talking to a lot of girls will bring happiness into my life. But the truth is that girls won't fill in that void. Sure, I've had days where I've had awesome interactions with cute girls and feel so satisfied those days. But then there are also days in which I have less interactions with girls, and then I start feeling sad. I see cute girls around everywhere, and sometimes it makes me feel sad. Because I just feel talking to every single one of them, with the idea that it will give me happiness and satisfaction. But I realized that that's not true. That mindset is kind of the same as how short term pleasure works. You'll feel great when you have some experience with girl(s). But then after it's over, you always want more and more, to feel satisfied. And girls won't fill in the void to give you eternal satisfaction. By this post, I'm not saying to forget about girls. Girls are cool people, and it can be nice interacting with them. But my point is to not make girls a priority towards your happiness. Long term happiness will come from working on your own self. Have a real passion for something. Pursue a goal and work towards achieving it. Make Nofap the backbone of your life and work on building yourself.
     
    ShowY, Max Fisher, Xander_ and 9 others like this.
  2. FenixGenesis12

    FenixGenesis12 Fapstronaut

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  3. Chappo030891

    Chappo030891 Fapstronaut

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    wise words, man! Thank you for making this post!
     
    Cobra and Protagonist like this.
  4. Protagonist

    Protagonist Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing your thoughts bud! :)
     
    Cobra likes this.
  5. HunnyBunny8

    HunnyBunny8 New Fapstronaut

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    Yes, keep loving yourself. Enjoy being young.. Enjoy being social if you want. There is nothing wrong with talking to girls. Girls like attention but, make sure it's out of kindness and because youre just a cool person that enjoys talking to other humans. Its natural for that to boost your ego a little bit. Maybe you just want a girlfriend? Just know that talking to girls is totally a normal thing, lol. There is a balance to everything in life, right? So, just remember that we can also build an image of ourselves that others will use as a stereotype and that can negatively impact your image as seen by others. Being friendly is fine. Being a huge flirt or hitting on every girl you see may actually not be helping in your favor. Personally, i would be a lot less likely to go after a guy that might be into all of the girls lol. Might make you seem unattainable? Or, that you may not be trustworthy. Girls could think you're a player, etc. If you know what I mean. Either way, good work. You sound like you are figuring it out. :)
     
  6. Cobra

    Cobra Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your reply. I agree with all you said.
     
  7. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    If you need something external to make you feel happy / satisfied / fulfilled, you will always feel that lack because you're reinforcing the belief and feeling that the present moment is always lacking unless something external in the future is obtained. So it will never be where you are because you're always needing something beyond what you have right now. You will always feel like you never arrive or enjoy the moment because something else needs to happen.

    "I'll be happy when this happens... I'll be satisfied if that happens..."

    That mindset of needing another person to make you feel something is very reactive and seeking validation. It's repelling and draining for you and the other person. Whereas the person that's able to draw from within leaves space of appreciation / unconditional love / attraction.

    If you're interacting with someone, then be there at that moment fully experiencing it rather than needing something to happen out of fear. If you're doing something else, enjoy that thing rather than feeling like you're lacking something because you aren't interacting with somebody.

    This way you're always already there, enough, and complete. You've already arrived. You come from a place of enjoying the process whether or not other people are willing to join you.
     
    Vilu98, Cobra and ameliorate1 like this.
  8. twistedshadows23

    twistedshadows23 Fapstronaut

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    Needed to hear this, I definitely relate.
     
  9. twistedshadows23

    twistedshadows23 Fapstronaut

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    I wanna share an experience that happened to me yesterday. A few days ago, I met this really cute girl in the gym and she had an amazing personality. She seemed really excited to get to know me. This was great because I’ve been trying to meet new friends. We exchanged numbers and she said she’d text me next time she was headed to the gym. I was in the gym yesterday and guess who I saw in there with another guy.... I’ve already got an amazing beautiful girlfriend but just the fact that (in my mind) this girl wasn’t attracted to me almost ruined my day.

    I felt like such a failure. She came up and said something to me about how she wasn’t planning on being there that day and sorry she didn’t text me, but my mind had already spiraled out of control. I ended up going into the bathroom and crying. This is when I realized how much I let other people (especially attractive women) dictate my happiness. Instead of focusing on the fact that I was in the gym doing something good for myself, I was beating myself up.

    I came back to the gym later with a different mindset. I wasn’t gonna worry about how antisocial I am right now, I was just focused on me. I ended up making two friends and had a great time since I was more relaxed. I felt so empowered after that. Sometimes you gonna get knocked down to learn a lesson and stand back up.
     
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  10. Xander_

    Xander_ Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Chase excellence not women
     
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  11. Cobra

    Cobra Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry that this happened with you. And the fact the you got emotional is actually normal. But I'm glad you have the better mindset now. Here's a quick story of mine too. During my senior year of high school, there was some girl who had a huge crush on me, and I liked her back. The problem was that she used to be so nervous of me that we were incompatible. I felt so much pain because she meant a lot to me, and I often teared up over her. The mistake was that I relied on her to dictate my happiness. But now with the new mindset, I know to never rely on a girl to bring happiness.
     
  12. twistedshadows23

    twistedshadows23 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing man. Yea never rely on anyone or anything to bring you happiness. You gotta find it within yourself.
     
    Cobra likes this.

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