I thought I would be free telling my Jiu jitsu coach and taekwondo master about my addiction. I felt good after telling them and they gave me a lot of life advice and there wisdom. Yesterday I was fighting the urges and I thought I succeed. Spoiler: I talk about MO When I got home I kept thinking of this girl at my work. I don't like her as a person at all she is such a B**** but I obviously am attracted to her sexually. When I got home I kept thinking of her even though I want nothing to do with her. The urge was so strong I almost gave in while in the shower. I looked down and my penis and I told it "You are not going to control my life anymore" The urge went away and then just a minute later it came back and I just started edging for about 30 seconds and then I stopped. I thought that would count as a win but it didn't. I felt sick to my stoach for the rest of the morning and right after I got done with my morning juijitsu class I "Told" myself I failed and just watched porn and jerked off. It didn't even feel good. I felt like a failure to both myself and to those I respect. I started a new day got up went to work felt like crap all night and then when I got done with work I got ready for morning jiu jitsu again did that came home and just being on the computer for 30 minutes I didn't even think about it and I just failed again. I am an addict. I need help getting control over my addiction.