Guldore
Fapstronaut
*Potential triggers if you are still easily triggered, read on with caution* plus wall of text ahead.
So I just completed 16 days so far. I’ve had some pretty good streaks in the past 10 months. My highest so far was 29 days. But today I woke up from a nightmare of a dream where I was dreaming of opening tabs of P. Nothing other than opening tab after tab. I woke up and felt a little down about the dream so I just threw on my headphones and listened to some music for a bit. But I eventually started getting an urge to look at P while trying to forget about the dream. I eventually opened my phone and started looking at NoFap memes on google images. Which had a triggering image, so in my weakened state I clicked on it. Which lead to a rabbit hole of triggering images. Nothing hardcore mostly just those cut off scenes with stupid captions on them. Which lead to some images of clothed *actresses*. After spending about 1 minute in the memes and another minute in the other rabbit hole I felt the rush, didn’t get aroused by them but I got the dopamine hit and started to tremble. So I closed up everything in my browser and took some time to breath and calm down. After this I started to feel a little depressed, but my mood has since improved since this happened which was about an hour ago. Writing this out is actually helping me out a lot.
So my question is, would you consider this *peeking* as a relapse? I’m kinda bummed out about this and I’ll never do it again since even this short bit caused me to feel down. I plan on going about my day like always; workout, eat right, meditate, watch a few episodes of the office, maybe some gaming, go for a hike, read. Stuff I can do while this pandemic is going on. I would appreciate it if someone could answer me. And thank you for reading this if you took the time too.
So I just completed 16 days so far. I’ve had some pretty good streaks in the past 10 months. My highest so far was 29 days. But today I woke up from a nightmare of a dream where I was dreaming of opening tabs of P. Nothing other than opening tab after tab. I woke up and felt a little down about the dream so I just threw on my headphones and listened to some music for a bit. But I eventually started getting an urge to look at P while trying to forget about the dream. I eventually opened my phone and started looking at NoFap memes on google images. Which had a triggering image, so in my weakened state I clicked on it. Which lead to a rabbit hole of triggering images. Nothing hardcore mostly just those cut off scenes with stupid captions on them. Which lead to some images of clothed *actresses*. After spending about 1 minute in the memes and another minute in the other rabbit hole I felt the rush, didn’t get aroused by them but I got the dopamine hit and started to tremble. So I closed up everything in my browser and took some time to breath and calm down. After this I started to feel a little depressed, but my mood has since improved since this happened which was about an hour ago. Writing this out is actually helping me out a lot.
So my question is, would you consider this *peeking* as a relapse? I’m kinda bummed out about this and I’ll never do it again since even this short bit caused me to feel down. I plan on going about my day like always; workout, eat right, meditate, watch a few episodes of the office, maybe some gaming, go for a hike, read. Stuff I can do while this pandemic is going on. I would appreciate it if someone could answer me. And thank you for reading this if you took the time too.