I really need an answer to this!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Guldore, Aug 26, 2020.

  1. Guldore

    Guldore Fapstronaut

    *Potential triggers if you are still easily triggered, read on with caution* plus wall of text ahead.

    So I just completed 16 days so far. I’ve had some pretty good streaks in the past 10 months. My highest so far was 29 days. But today I woke up from a nightmare of a dream where I was dreaming of opening tabs of P. Nothing other than opening tab after tab. I woke up and felt a little down about the dream so I just threw on my headphones and listened to some music for a bit. But I eventually started getting an urge to look at P while trying to forget about the dream. I eventually opened my phone and started looking at NoFap memes on google images. Which had a triggering image, so in my weakened state I clicked on it. Which lead to a rabbit hole of triggering images. Nothing hardcore mostly just those cut off scenes with stupid captions on them. Which lead to some images of clothed *actresses*. After spending about 1 minute in the memes and another minute in the other rabbit hole I felt the rush, didn’t get aroused by them but I got the dopamine hit and started to tremble. So I closed up everything in my browser and took some time to breath and calm down. After this I started to feel a little depressed, but my mood has since improved since this happened which was about an hour ago. Writing this out is actually helping me out a lot.

    So my question is, would you consider this *peeking* as a relapse? I’m kinda bummed out about this and I’ll never do it again since even this short bit caused me to feel down. I plan on going about my day like always; workout, eat right, meditate, watch a few episodes of the office, maybe some gaming, go for a hike, read. Stuff I can do while this pandemic is going on. I would appreciate it if someone could answer me. And thank you for reading this if you took the time too.
    Masked Man likes this.
  2. Hello and welcome. No, this doesn't count as a relapse. Not in my book at least it doesn't.
    Definitely hinders process of recovery though so be careful.
    Guldore likes this.
  3. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

    Relapses are not white or black. Obviously peeking is loaded with sexual content. So while you are peeking, you are not rebooting.
    Guldore likes this.
  4. UnitedWeStand

    UnitedWeStand Fapstronaut

    3 years on nofap for me recovered from most symptoms including pied, this is not relapse meaning "You ruined you progression or sth". Of course it isn't good for your recovery but i suggest you dont to be so frustrated about that. Just continiou like it didnt happen at all, you are totally fine just dont do this again or binge! Best wishes
  5. This is meant in love and not criticism. It’s my thoughts on this. Were you looking at porn? Yes or no. If yes then it’s a relapse. We can justify it, rationalize it and paint it any color we want to but it’s still consuming pornography. It was methodical, intentional and it was a choice. It happens. It’s part of the struggle. You either look at porn or you don’t. My relapses have been MO only BUT those relapses were choices and draw largely from my damaged brains pathways. So I made the choice to relapse and damage myself. It’s one thing to accidentally see something pornographic and bounce off it quickly. It’s another to actively continue to ferret out more of this delicious poison. Porn in any form is carefully crafted to take you down. You learned something from this experience. You asked the right questions and this shows you are NOT apathetic to it. This is a victory. I recommend the book Stormproof Men. It’s not a cure but it offers great perspective. You’ll be ok. Stand up and know there’s a new day ahead and it’s yours.
    Guldore and Masked Man like this.

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