I REALLY NEED HELP FROM THE PERSON WHO HAVE GONE TOO FAR IN THE ADDICTION

S

SHEIKH7809

New Fapstronaut
I am 21 years old and I have been addicted to pornography for almost 14 years. In the beginning, it was just excessive masturbation and normal porn, which gave me pleasure. Over time, my brain needed more stimulation, and things started changing. I got exposed to gay content, then femboy, transgender, and eventually sissy porn and captions. For the last 1–2 years, sissy captions and humiliation-based porn have become my main triggers.
My mind has changed to the point that these thoughts don’t stay all day, but whenever I move toward masturbation, the same fantasies automatically activate. Even when I watch porn, I imagine myself in place of the actress. I no longer fantasize as a man — I imagine myself as the woman.
My fantasies have become extremely violent and degrading: rough sex, rape, forced sex, blackmail, gangbangs. I imagine myself as a whore, being used and humiliated. I join Telegram groups, create Instagram profiles, upload my photos so men can sexualize me, degrade me, give me tasks, and treat me like an object — and I follow those tasks just to feel validated.
I have used homemade dildos on myself many times. I have licked my own cum and pre-cum repeatedly, and recently I even swallowed my own cum. I am writing this honestly because I don’t understand what is happening to me anymore.
I have tried deleting apps, deleting accounts, distracting myself, asking AI, asking forums — nothing works. People keep giving generic advice like “go to therapy,” “do pushups,” “distract yourself,” but none of that works at this stage. When the urge hits, my brain completely takes control. Willpower disappears.
I feel like I am slowly dying. I have constant body pain, extreme fatigue, I sleep 12 hours a day, and my weight is only 50 kg at age 21. I feel like I am going deeper and deeper into this pit, and one day I will completely lose myself.
I am terrified that I will completely lose my male identity and turn into something I don’t recognize — like becoming a full-time female persona or even a street prostitute. What scares me more is that when I watch porn, I don’t even want to climax. I edge for hours, sometimes 10–12 hours, because once I climax, the thoughts temporarily disappear — so I avoid climax and stay trapped in the fantasy.
When I am alone, I tuck my penis tightly, wear bras, panties, women’s jewelry, and fully live the fantasy. Outside of sexual arousal, I feel disconnected from all of this — which makes it even more confusing.

I am a Pakistani Muslim, and this adds another layer of pain. I am not living in a society where I can safely talk about these things. I have no trusted person in my life. I cannot imagine telling a doctor, psychiatrist, or therapist about this — I would rather die than explain these details face to face. In my society, talking about this does not bring help; it brings shame, exposure, and destruction.
Because of this, suicidal thoughts have started to feel comforting. Not because I want to die, but because living like this feels unbearable. I feel like every day I am accumulating more sins and going deeper into something I never chose.
I am not writing this for attention or shock value. I am writing because I am exhausted, confused, and genuinely afraid of where this is heading. I don’t know how to get out anymore, and simple advice no longer works
If anyone here has experienced extreme escalation, identity confusion, humiliation-based addiction, or long-term porn-induced changes — and managed to recover — I truly need to hear from you.
 
Hello, thanks for your story. That perspective motivating me to keep going with my weak mental and PMO issues... If I was you, I would start do some sport, like running for hours for example in early morning, to feel so exhausted that you wanna only rest all day, then recover (eat, sleep) and repeat like for one week, then change everything and whats important to me, dont even allow your mind to think about PMO, like block that in the root and automaticall clear that thought (i strongly believe that if you thinking about something, that thought growing in every second to the moment you cant controll it like new neuron paths are growing in your mind, but if you dont think about that thought that neuron paths became weaker and weaker). Treat my comment only like fun fact, I dont know if my strategy like running to feel extremely exhausted can work but on my example i feel so strange when dont exhaust my body on trainings regular like i feel loosing some piece of my masculinity.
 
The sissy stuff is extremely harmful, I'm aware of it and I've always made an effort to avoid it. You are aware by now that hypnosis can have a very real effect on a person's psyche.

I'm not sure if this is even good advice, but if you relapse (and yes we do relapse in this addiction) at the very least, try to just get it out of your system with "normal" P.
 
Your situation is caused by the overactivation of the dopamine reward circuit, which leads to an increase in your threshold. As a result, you are now seeking pleasure through abnormal methods, and your neural circuits are already bound to those you mentioned, just like Pavlov's behaviorist experiment. Based on my personal experience, you need to cut off and stop looking at everything that triggers your feelings, and keep quitting
 
SHEIKH7809 said:
I am 21 years old and I have been addicted to pornography for almost 14 years. In the beginning, it was just excessive masturbation and normal porn, which gave me pleasure. Over time, my brain needed more stimulation, and things started changing. I got exposed to gay content, then femboy, transgender, and eventually sissy porn and captions. For the last 1–2 years, sissy captions and humiliation-based porn have become my main triggers.
My mind has changed to the point that these thoughts don’t stay all day, but whenever I move toward masturbation, the same fantasies automatically activate. Even when I watch porn, I imagine myself in place of the actress. I no longer fantasize as a man — I imagine myself as the woman.
My fantasies have become extremely violent and degrading: rough sex, rape, forced sex, blackmail, gangbangs. I imagine myself as a whore, being used and humiliated. I join Telegram groups, create Instagram profiles, upload my photos so men can sexualize me, degrade me, give me tasks, and treat me like an object — and I follow those tasks just to feel validated.
I have used homemade dildos on myself many times. I have licked my own cum and pre-cum repeatedly, and recently I even swallowed my own cum. I am writing this honestly because I don’t understand what is happening to me anymore.
I have tried deleting apps, deleting accounts, distracting myself, asking AI, asking forums — nothing works. People keep giving generic advice like “go to therapy,” “do pushups,” “distract yourself,” but none of that works at this stage. When the urge hits, my brain completely takes control. Willpower disappears.
I feel like I am slowly dying. I have constant body pain, extreme fatigue, I sleep 12 hours a day, and my weight is only 50 kg at age 21. I feel like I am going deeper and deeper into this pit, and one day I will completely lose myself.
I am terrified that I will completely lose my male identity and turn into something I don’t recognize — like becoming a full-time female persona or even a street prostitute. What scares me more is that when I watch porn, I don’t even want to climax. I edge for hours, sometimes 10–12 hours, because once I climax, the thoughts temporarily disappear — so I avoid climax and stay trapped in the fantasy.
When I am alone, I tuck my penis tightly, wear bras, panties, women’s jewelry, and fully live the fantasy. Outside of sexual arousal, I feel disconnected from all of this — which makes it even more confusing.

I am a Pakistani Muslim, and this adds another layer of pain. I am not living in a society where I can safely talk about these things. I have no trusted person in my life. I cannot imagine telling a doctor, psychiatrist, or therapist about this — I would rather die than explain these details face to face. In my society, talking about this does not bring help; it brings shame, exposure, and destruction.
Because of this, suicidal thoughts have started to feel comforting. Not because I want to die, but because living like this feels unbearable. I feel like every day I am accumulating more sins and going deeper into something I never chose.
I am not writing this for attention or shock value. I am writing because I am exhausted, confused, and genuinely afraid of where this is heading. I don’t know how to get out anymore, and simple advice no longer works
If anyone here has experienced extreme escalation, identity confusion, humiliation-based addiction, or long-term porn-induced changes — and managed to recover — I truly need to hear from you.
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At what age did you started masturbation and masturbation to porn?.what was your masturbation frequency/week throughout your journey? And have you ever take break from masturbation in this journey?
 
Hello man, I'll be straight to the point: notice that when you do P or these things you're engaging in a habit (we all are, independent of the fantasies). Try to avoid what triggers these habits: being home alone, searching the internet and etc... You already know, consciously, what you want, so make a commitment to yourself: you're not gonna do it anymore: delete apps (and insert parental controls and put the password in a difficult location to reach), throw away all things that are related to your addiction, and set a rigorous schedule to do the things you want for your life: study, work, gym, run, outside activies, and etc... If you have a strict schedule, you'll have no time to do anything else (that is working well for me). Even doing all these things, it's always hard, so remember why you're doing it and that you're moving away from it seriously because you seem to not like it in the end. Also, take a look at yourself and see that you are not liking it, you have the power to decide what you want for your life, even if sometimes we act out of habit, you have the ultimate power to decide and change it.
 
I was in the exact same situation as you. Honestly, the best way to get out of it is to just block that content completely. I used an app called PureWeb Adult Content Blocker or something like that. It’s totally worth giving up this addiction – my communication with people actually improved because I started thinking differently.
 
So sad, I have no trusted person as well and I'm devianting to femdom but not to the extend as you have...I'm trying to revive my old friendships now and trying to find people who will help in the journey. I recommend trying to get accountability partners, even if online for now and aim to have physical interactions with people who will help...I understand it's easier said than done in your context but I would just pray for relationships.
 
SHEIKH7809 said:
I am 21 years old and I have been addicted to pornography for almost 14 years. In the beginning, it was just excessive masturbation and normal porn, which gave me pleasure. Over time, my brain needed more stimulation, and things started changing. I got exposed to gay content, then femboy, transgender, and eventually sissy porn and captions. For the last 1–2 years, sissy captions and humiliation-based porn have become my main triggers.
My mind has changed to the point that these thoughts don’t stay all day, but whenever I move toward masturbation, the same fantasies automatically activate. Even when I watch porn, I imagine myself in place of the actress. I no longer fantasize as a man — I imagine myself as the woman.
My fantasies have become extremely violent and degrading: rough sex, rape, forced sex, blackmail, gangbangs. I imagine myself as a whore, being used and humiliated. I join Telegram groups, create Instagram profiles, upload my photos so men can sexualize me, degrade me, give me tasks, and treat me like an object — and I follow those tasks just to feel validated.
I have used homemade dildos on myself many times. I have licked my own cum and pre-cum repeatedly, and recently I even swallowed my own cum. I am writing this honestly because I don’t understand what is happening to me anymore.
I have tried deleting apps, deleting accounts, distracting myself, asking AI, asking forums — nothing works. People keep giving generic advice like “go to therapy,” “do pushups,” “distract yourself,” but none of that works at this stage. When the urge hits, my brain completely takes control. Willpower disappears.
I feel like I am slowly dying. I have constant body pain, extreme fatigue, I sleep 12 hours a day, and my weight is only 50 kg at age 21. I feel like I am going deeper and deeper into this pit, and one day I will completely lose myself.
I am terrified that I will completely lose my male identity and turn into something I don’t recognize — like becoming a full-time female persona or even a street prostitute. What scares me more is that when I watch porn, I don’t even want to climax. I edge for hours, sometimes 10–12 hours, because once I climax, the thoughts temporarily disappear — so I avoid climax and stay trapped in the fantasy.
When I am alone, I tuck my penis tightly, wear bras, panties, women’s jewelry, and fully live the fantasy. Outside of sexual arousal, I feel disconnected from all of this — which makes it even more confusing.

I am a Pakistani Muslim, and this adds another layer of pain. I am not living in a society where I can safely talk about these things. I have no trusted person in my life. I cannot imagine telling a doctor, psychiatrist, or therapist about this — I would rather die than explain these details face to face. In my society, talking about this does not bring help; it brings shame, exposure, and destruction.
Because of this, suicidal thoughts have started to feel comforting. Not because I want to die, but because living like this feels unbearable. I feel like every day I am accumulating more sins and going deeper into something I never chose.
I am not writing this for attention or shock value. I am writing because I am exhausted, confused, and genuinely afraid of where this is heading. I don’t know how to get out anymore, and simple advice no longer works
If anyone here has experienced extreme escalation, identity confusion, humiliation-based addiction, or long-term porn-induced changes — and managed to recover — I truly need to hear from you.
Click to expand...
Bruh I can help you ...Indeed i can hp you but I am not far in this addiciton as u are ...just reply me at this message right now I am busy somewhere i am gonna reply u after 5 6 days when I hit currently I am under stress too due to cosntsmt relapses ...I will genuinely give u advice which will work...not some random one just reply me ..later i would open and give u advice
 
SHEIKH7809 said:
I am 21 years old and I have been addicted to pornography for almost 14 years. In the beginning, it was just excessive masturbation and normal porn, which gave me pleasure. Over time, my brain needed more stimulation, and things started changing. I got exposed to gay content, then femboy, transgender, and eventually sissy porn and captions. For the last 1–2 years, sissy captions and humiliation-based porn have become my main triggers.
My mind has changed to the point that these thoughts don’t stay all day, but whenever I move toward masturbation, the same fantasies automatically activate. Even when I watch porn, I imagine myself in place of the actress. I no longer fantasize as a man — I imagine myself as the woman.
My fantasies have become extremely violent and degrading: rough sex, rape, forced sex, blackmail, gangbangs. I imagine myself as a whore, being used and humiliated. I join Telegram groups, create Instagram profiles, upload my photos so men can sexualize me, degrade me, give me tasks, and treat me like an object — and I follow those tasks just to feel validated.
I have used homemade dildos on myself many times. I have licked my own cum and pre-cum repeatedly, and recently I even swallowed my own cum. I am writing this honestly because I don’t understand what is happening to me anymore.
I have tried deleting apps, deleting accounts, distracting myself, asking AI, asking forums — nothing works. People keep giving generic advice like “go to therapy,” “do pushups,” “distract yourself,” but none of that works at this stage. When the urge hits, my brain completely takes control. Willpower disappears.
I feel like I am slowly dying. I have constant body pain, extreme fatigue, I sleep 12 hours a day, and my weight is only 50 kg at age 21. I feel like I am going deeper and deeper into this pit, and one day I will completely lose myself.
I am terrified that I will completely lose my male identity and turn into something I don’t recognize — like becoming a full-time female persona or even a street prostitute. What scares me more is that when I watch porn, I don’t even want to climax. I edge for hours, sometimes 10–12 hours, because once I climax, the thoughts temporarily disappear — so I avoid climax and stay trapped in the fantasy.
When I am alone, I tuck my penis tightly, wear bras, panties, women’s jewelry, and fully live the fantasy. Outside of sexual arousal, I feel disconnected from all of this — which makes it even more confusing.

I am a Pakistani Muslim, and this adds another layer of pain. I am not living in a society where I can safely talk about these things. I have no trusted person in my life. I cannot imagine telling a doctor, psychiatrist, or therapist about this — I would rather die than explain these details face to face. In my society, talking about this does not bring help; it brings shame, exposure, and destruction.
Because of this, suicidal thoughts have started to feel comforting. Not because I want to die, but because living like this feels unbearable. I feel like every day I am accumulating more sins and going deeper into something I never chose.
I am not writing this for attention or shock value. I am writing because I am exhausted, confused, and genuinely afraid of where this is heading. I don’t know how to get out anymore, and simple advice no longer works
If anyone here has experienced extreme escalation, identity confusion, humiliation-based addiction, or long-term porn-induced changes — and managed to recover — I truly need to hear from you.
Click to expand...
So sad i am also from Pakistan come inbox so we will help each other
 
Bro, be careful with some advice around here. If you are 50kg at age 21. (I dont know your height) but im 20 weight 60kg and my height is 1.79 cm.

I'm already slightly underweight in the IMC scale. If you are not used to doing sport, eat poorly and dont rest well I wouldnt recommend you to start running until exhausteion.
That's not good advice because your body already needs a lot of nutrients and energy. If you exhaust more your body youll end up relapsing because the brain wont have energy.
Start by eating healthier and just jogging. You are probably on some caloric deficit. Healthy eating is not only about avoiding junk food but also about eating regularly whole foods, vegetables, fruits, eggs, milk... In a structured way. Not avoiding breakfast, meals or dinners.

Moreover, when you edge for 10-12 hours you probably don't make pauses to drink or eat (moreover you are losing a lot of liquids and electrolites since you are probably sweating...) Whatever you do at least force you to eat, make pauses at your normal time for dinner, launch, breakfast. Don't ignore them elsewise you won't gain weight because those 10-12 hours you are edging are also 10-12 hours of fasting. (if you relapse in the morning after just waking up then it's already 18 or 20 hours of fasting)
And i know that when you are consuming porn the need of eating disappears because it has happened to me.

Eating healhty wont cure your porn addiction but it is really important to treat your health. It's a common misconception that for being skinny you won't have health problems.
And if you want to do sport take it slowly, dont hurt yourself.
 
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I could have the wrote that post myself OP word for word! I did find something that made me stop it’s a phone game and I was spending 55 hours a week on it there’s a very social side to it and then there’s the money it took me 3 attempts to quit spending but I had to as I was spending £1,500 a month on a game buying upgrades for my squad which i know is crazy behaviour but it helped me in my p addiction, I play free to play now so i still get the social side and it consumes so much time that i haven’t dressed for months rather play the game i hope you can find your freedom
 
johnson1 said:
At what age did you started masturbation and masturbation to porn?.what was your masturbation frequency/week throughout your journey? And have you ever take break from masturbation in this journey?
Click to expand...
i think i started at age 12 or 13 at that time my frequency is like once a day everyday and about 2 years ago i took a break about 3 month
 
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