I really need help

I am very optimistic. But, traumas has hit me since i was 16 years old . A hit after hit after hit. It made me very lonely . I had really good opportunities of having people around me and better relationships . Still my depression took control and i stayed hateful of relationships and people.

I sleep sad everyday knowing that I'm not able to have a girlfriend. All my friends used to easily find women . I was the only one who felt week and undervalued .

It is a very bad feeling to be a sheep between a pack of lions . I remember how i used to be perceived by other guys , being humiliated just for one factor . I am nice and afraid . Its a bad feeling to not be able to be with a woman u like just for one reason , ur a weak guy .

And lets be truthful , no matter how kind hearted a woman is , she just cant be with a week guy . Im not saying a guy is strong with beating up other people . Im just saying , a guy is strong when he's respected .

Why do I fucking have anxiety issues. Why cant i be like other people and just don't fucking care about how i am going to be perceived . Why cant i be strong enough and stand up to myself .

I tried my best to remove this insecurity but i just cant .

I don't know about other places . But where I am from , anxiety is not a common thing . People with anxiety are perceived as geeks and easily made fun of

All of this and i still never ever thought of suicide . I have been improving myself day by day . Everyday i tell myself tomorrow is a better day . And when i sleep , depression hits me and i cry from the inside .

I just like to be with myself . Whyyyy !!! I want to be with a group and have fun like they do . Why do I feel depressed when im in a group . I look at them laughing and having fun and im crying from the inside.

I just want someone who can relate and say that quitting porn really made him another person . Filled with life and ambition. I want to live life like it should be lived. Appreciating relationships.

 

True to that brother . I am already on this path . Im building ma self everyday .
After posting this I have learned a lot.

Today was a very delightful day and things went good . I was cheerful . Learned that depression is just a temporary . If I don't let it take over It will go forever eventually .

Good thing I haven't relapsed yesterday . Though Im feeling pain , yet I'm happy . I started to really feel the pain caused by pornography . Nothing is too late . Eventually i will gain everything I wanted.

Now that I'm thinking right , I feel that maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe its meant to build me up and strengthen me to be ready for something big .

Quitting pornography is a great challenge which will teach me self discipline and control . If a man can manage his desires , then hes in control of it all.

 

Thats right man . Thats how life is we need to keep fighting to survive , everyday I wake up ready to teach myself to be stronger . Everyday i get a hit and i feel week . But i remind myself that today was better than the day before .