I really need some help.

This is going to be a really long post sorry.

Hello everyone, i am 25 years old and have just broken up with my girlfriend of nearly 3 years and am ready to tackle a problem that has been crippling me for the past 3 years lol. Before i start i have nothing against the LGBTQI community. I am not homophobic or anything like that in anyway. This is going to be a long story but i seriously need get this off my chest because i have told nobody that this has been happening to me, even my ex. Im also sorry about my punctuation and English haha.

Not quite sure where to start but i will do my best. I am a naturally introverted person. I think i started fapping when i got into highschool because i started having wetdreams i think. (ive never liked wetdreams) but i probably didnt start fapping regularly until maybe year 9 of school. In highschool i had a serious crush on a girl which lasted years. We both loved each other but i never took things further than just msging and hanging out at school, probably just because of my quiet introverted nature, but who knows. I left school at year 11 because i hated school and was more keen on working. I started working in the Trade industry doing electrical when i was exposed to the real world. I was always asked nearly daily by everyone i met if i have a girlfriend and if i was still a virgin. This wasnt a problem at first but a few years down the track when i was always asked if i was still a virgin it started giving me anxiety and depression. I would never lie to anybody and always told the truth, yes i was. I started going to gym around the age of 20 and took steriods for the first time when i was 22. I have always been attracted to women and women only, and when on steroids i was hornier than ever. But i think towards the end of my cycle i started losing the ability to get as erect as i usually do but didnt pay any attention too it. (i was probably fapping 1-2 a day at this point). I then met my ex girlfriend when i was just finishing my steriod cycle. This is where my problems started. So i finally have a girl who is interested in me for the first time in my life, and there was so much pressure to have sex with her, just so i could finally answer everyone - no i am not a virgin! We had been talking for a week or 2 when i asked her to come and stay the night with me. We were about to have sex when i couldnt get hard at all no matter what she did. I broke down and had a huge anxiety attack nearly ripping at the hairs from my head. She didnt leave me and stayed with me, but as time when on, the pressure of having sex grew and grew. She would even start crying telling me she just wants to have sex with me. I could have a shower with her and be as hard as a rock but if she ever tried to touch me i would lose my hard instantly. And i just want to add, if i wasnt on cycle and wasnt so horny i dont think i would be very attracted to her, if not at all. But we then were in a relationship before i knew it and was kind of stuck. I think we had sex for the first time after like 6-8 months of being with each other. Sometimes i could get hard, sometimes i couldnt. I had so much anxiety of getting hard i was going insane, fapping when she wasnt home to see if i could get hard to porn and even then i couldnt for 90% of the time. I then started to question my sexuality. I was constantly asking myself if i was gay, and why cant i get hard to women or porn anymore. Then my anxiety about my sexuality grew and grew and is still super bad to this day. And to top it all off, i was so used to fapping and finishing quickly i would only last like 20 seconds with my ex unless i tried super hard not to bust, which most of the time end up in my losing my erection. At this point i didnt even want sex it scared me so much and made me feel super bad. I couldnt last very long in bed, and thats even if i can get hard, and then i am also questioning my sexuality in my mind while all this is going on. I have so much anxiety because i do not want to be gay, and i cant even live normal life anymore without. My mind is so fucked that i cant even look at a male on tv without my mind saying "youre looking at a guy, you must be gay." I have always been attracted to women, and as my relationship broke down in the last few months, i could find pleasure having sex in my dreams with all sorts of girls i used to know from school etc. Having sex in my dreams with girls is the best thing in my life atm. But everyday i wake up to hell with constant fear of being gay even though i am sure i am not. Ive never been attracted to guys, never watched gay porn etc. Im not sure why, but now sometimes if i look at a guy on tv or something i will get a sensation in my nuts and if i catch myself with that sensation anxiety kicks in. But i feel the sensation in my nuts if anxiety to begin with, not a sexual thing but i am not even sure at this point. We broke up a few days ago and i want to fix my life. I am starting nofap today in the hopes it might sort things out. But i dont think it will fix this fear of being gay. Even just watching straight porn is hard for me now, because if i look at the guy or i look at his dick by accident, i will have anxiety and lose my hard. I dont what to do anymore. Someone please help

 

I also want to add, i was scared of sex our whole relationship after that first night she came over. We didnt have sex very much over the 3 years. I found myself less and less attracted to her physically as time went on. And probably didnt have sex for the last 2 months of the relationship.