After 54 days of No PMO I had sex with my GF. I tried so many times but couldn't ejaculate during sex. After that I wasn't satisfied so i masturbated when she was gone and I m masturbating so much since. I have this desire to be a girl since childhood, before Porn or Masturbation. This desire lead me to sissy, humiliation, feminization, degradation porn. I have been masturbating since i was 15 years old now i m 30 yeas old. I fantasize about being a girl and have sex as a girl when i masturbate so when i m with a real girl i dont get much excited during sex so I can't ejaculate. Actually I can't get an erection in the first place. I use medication. I only get erection when i fantasize about my Male to Female transition or Forced feminatization. I am romantically and sexually attracted only to girls. I dont like boys. I thought abstaining from P, M, O I can rewire my brain. I tried so many times but I relapsed after sometime. MY longest streak was 138 days. During that 138 days streak my urge to be a girl and have sex as a girl, lead me to Grindr (A Gay App) and then I met a guy and I did it. It was so disgusting. yuck. when i was with him i wanted to puke. I still feel nauseous when i think about it. During this 55 days streak i was again on Grindr but i didnt meet anyone(thank god). I dont know what to do. My girlfriend knows about my ED problem but not about the other problems. I love her. I want to marry her.