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i really want to quit forever

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by errevi96, Oct 20, 2020.

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  1. Oct 20, 2020 #1
    errevi96

    errevi96 Fapstronaut

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    Hi all
    First of all sorry for my english
    I'm new to this forum and I hope that sharing my story would help in my reboot.

    I am 24 I've beeen watching porn for years since i was a kid. To me it was a normal behaviour. I started from soft core but i quickly moved to some fucked up things as femdom and violence. Last year I discovered findom and i began to chat with sugarbabies and moneymistress but i never paid them. I simply got excited to fantasize over this things while I chat to them. I never had a serious relationship before and i was a virgin until last year, when i started a relationship with a girl. I thought that I was been able to stop this behaviour and get rid of all this bad things but I wasn't right. I continued to chat and i suffered from E.D.
    I was desperate because I knew I was doing a bad thing to me and to my girlfriend but i couldn't stop. I tried nofap but i relapsed and continued with this behaviour with edging and keep staying hours in front of the pc.

    I hated so much myself that I wanted to kill myself.

    With time i began to masturbate less often and to focus entirely on my relationship.

    Last week I confessed to my girlfriend my problem and i thought that she left me. But she stayed with me.
    I cried a lot because I thought that I didn't deserve her love.
    I promised her to quit forever because I love her and want to have my life back.

    So here I am on my day 7 without seeing any porn or masturbation.

    I can't forgive myself for what I have done and I have a lot of anxiety, feel shame and guilt.

    but I am determined to leave this nightmare forever.
     
    errevi96, Oct 20, 2020
    errevi96, Oct 20, 2020
    #1
    Igoumah, RockyRocky and Jonny1992 like this.
  2. Oct 25, 2020 #2
    blunt.ever

    blunt.ever Fapstronaut

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    The most important thing is that you are constinently you are in a big shit. I like you for your courage to recognize the problem your girlfriend. This is a good start, but you need be careful on the future. You will reach just if stay away from porn. By porn going all. Trust me, bro! Your perception about world and women it will change.
     
    blunt.ever, Oct 25, 2020
    blunt.ever, Oct 25, 2020
    #2
    errevi96 likes this.
  3. Oct 25, 2020 #3
    Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

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    Hey buddy, good luck. Keep working on the process, I also want to get rid of PMO. To be able to have a happy relationship.
     
    Jonny1992, Oct 25, 2020
    Jonny1992, Oct 25, 2020
    #3
    errevi96 and RockyRocky like this.
  4. Oct 28, 2020 #4
    errevi96

    errevi96 Fapstronaut

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    thanks for the replies and your support. I am currently on 15 days with no pmo and i already feel better psychologically. I keep working on
     
    errevi96, Oct 28, 2020
    errevi96, Oct 28, 2020
    #4
    blunt.ever and Igoumah like this.
  5. Oct 28, 2020 #5
    blunt.ever

    blunt.ever Fapstronaut

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    Keep ya strong, my cuz, Times are hard...
     
    blunt.ever, Oct 28, 2020
    blunt.ever, Oct 28, 2020
    #5
    errevi96 likes this.
  6. Nov 10, 2020 #6
    errevi96

    errevi96 Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone

    currently on day 28 , urges and cravings come very strong and i feel miserable and depressed and full of sense of guilt and shame.
    I noticed that I can't sleep very well, probably due to the withdrawals...
    I am determined to go on.
     
    errevi96, Nov 10, 2020
    errevi96, Nov 10, 2020
    #6
  7. Nov 10, 2020 #7
    BreakingDawn

    BreakingDawn Fapstronaut

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    Par for the course. You're doing great!

    Are you familiar with the term "roll with the punches?" As a punch comes in, you move with the force of the punch to lessen the force of the blow.

    There's a similar principle to going through withdrawal, I think: learning how to roll with the urges.

    If you see an urge simply as something to say "no" to, you'll have an incredibly difficult time. All of us can only say "no" so many times before we cave. You can rock that energy for a long time, but I'm not sure it's possible to make it to day 90.

    Instead, learn to see the urge as energy. This energy has manifested as sexual desire. Okay. It's here. You are not required to express it sexually. You can use that energy to work on a project, lift some weights, or write that novel you've had in mind.

    You'll find some people who refer to this as 'sexual transmutation.' The way people talk about it make it sound more mystical or spiritual than it is. It's a skill to learn, and once you figure out how to harness that energy, you will be unstoppable.
     
    BreakingDawn, Nov 10, 2020
    BreakingDawn, Nov 10, 2020
    #7
    looklike4 and errevi96 like this.
  8. Nov 11, 2020 #8
    errevi96

    errevi96 Fapstronaut

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    thank you for your advice ! I will try to use this energy to improve myself
     
    errevi96, Nov 11, 2020
    errevi96, Nov 11, 2020
    #8

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