I REGRET IT DEEPLY

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Jason Liam, Jun 7, 2017.

  1. Jason Liam

    Jason Liam Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys. Who I am doesn't matter. I am 22 years old.

    I have watched porn for a long time. Found out about it with 13/14 years.

    And fapped at irregular times in the meantime. Until 3 years ago where I became 19.
    That time I got hooked on a fetish. that fetish was 'gender-bender'

    I have watched japanese cartoons since midschool and I DO believe that may have played a major role in my sexual development. after 'happy' fappenings -
    That fetish finally transformed into an other fetish which is called autohynephilia or imagining yourself as girl while getting banged. what the flying duck. gross stuff guys.
    But I was there. And i genuinely thought I could have been transgender.

    If you saw me today, you wouldn't believe I was that person, even at the mercy of your life.

    while watching porn and fapping I wasn't myself. I was a sissy robot, who did nothing, accomplished nothing and honestly I was pretty disgusting, in a way.

    Porn took me the essence of what I am. I took my manliness and masculine spirit and completely wrecked it.

    It was my, and only my fault. No one else's. It was due to my weakness and due to me not caring about shit.

    Well let me tell. I don't know how long i haven't fapped. I don't count days, I am not interested in fapping or not fapping. I just want to get things done.
    Porn and fapping are not in my dictionary anymore. I just stay away from it.
    There is nothing more satisfying in this world than holding a girl in your arms and kissing her and letting her know and feel that she is a woman and that you appreciate her, her sexuality and her beauty.

    My username before changing it was 'BlackSnowPrince', an example of the (sorry for offending some people. [I am not really sorry]) faggot sissy shit that went on in my brain. At that time my brain could also as good have been swapped with a pink blanket. God I am cringing so much even thinking about it. ugh. damn.


    At that time i couldn't stop fapping and getting aroused.
    the sissy images were burned in my sissy brain.
    Thats why I had an idea. Why not let cancer eat the cholera that was my brain.

    So i started masturbating to just plain,straight, male point of view porn for a week. once a day, or so. I wasn't as aroused as with sissy shit but it worked out.
    And the more i did it, the more attracted i got to girls again in the days to follow.

    I haven't fapped OR watched porn for quite some time now, but whenever I have urges, which doesnt happen very often. i see the pics of cute girls in my mental eye.

    The things that changed after PMO alltogether:

    I left my house again. Not living like a secluded shy human waste anymore.
    I appreciate socializing with people and go for drinks and parties.
    I actually work out well with ladies, even having them coming after me.
    My voice is way deeper.
    I am actually a charismatic person when there is no sexual bullshit occupying my mind.
    I feel like a man again. I am a man again, a real man. A man who isn't afraid to show other men and women that he is a man. In a polite but cocky way.

    I found out that I am neither a nice guy nor a good person. I wouldn't call myself a bad person either but I just embrace the tag for the fun of being a devils advocate.
    There is something inbetween being good and bad.

    While PMO my confidence had hit rock bottom I was afraid of others rejecting my thats why I was 'playing it nice' in others words i was being fake for the sake of being accepted, which in turn made 'cool' people lose respect for me. And the funny thing is, I didn't even know I was being fake! I genuinely thought I was a nice person. In reality is was just an afraid, bland and boring fucker.

    At that time, nothing of the person that was really inside me, ever shone through. My personality was nonexistent.

    I did become more selfish yeah. There is no loving others if you don't love yourself ya know ;)

    I got into sports again. I workout I go for swimming. I do shit again. I do not accept having a weak and nonmasculine body.

    My eating habits are controlled by me again, not the other way around as before with PMO.

    I care abou shit again. I genuinely do stuff and get things done.

    I despise anime for making me a total retard at the time.

    It is posion that defiles vulnerable people and slowly turns them into weirdos. Not that I am unbiased.

    Don't let your children watch it. It isnt fun. Its weird. as fuck. and it will only fuel their escapsim.

    I learned to hate escapism.
    I learned to 'hate the internet', as it wastes a lot of my time and has done so before.

    What can I say. I have friends now, girls that adore me. Yeah I know, having 'contact' with more than one girl makes me a bad person but don't go social justice warrior on me ;)

    I am learning for my degree, I have a future again.
    I am an arrow straight, manly, manly, manly man again.
    I have good emotional control and am calm and easy going now.
    I have become responsible. I actually do stuff. (saying it for the 3rd time but whatever)
    My body is muscling up and I do workout a lot.

    So the message I want to shoot you: Everything and anything can change.
    I was contemplating suicide in my mind already.
    What a laugh. What a stupid sissy I have been. You can change. You will change. Do change, now!

    I DEEPLY REGRET EVER HAVING WATCHED PORN, WITH MY HEART AND SOUL I DO REGRET IT, or something like that.

    Cheers, keep strong, make daddy proud.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2017
  2. LivinginRecovery

    LivinginRecovery Fapstronaut

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    First of all, congratulations. So much of what you have written about could easily have been me especially the sissy porn sh#t and questioning whether you were transgender. Same here.

    Just over a month ago I stayed in my house all the time and I lived for PMO. My hand was always down my pants ready to go at a moment's notice. Now I go out EVERY day. I cannot stand being away from people. I have to be out there, around others and socialising. My eating habits are great now. I fast for 16 hours every day and eat in an 8 hour window. I also care about stuff again.

    I was also that 'nice guy' who didn't want to rock the boat and said things just for an easy life. That's not me so much these days. I still have moments where I'm like that but not as much as I used to which is good.

    This is a great post and I'm glad things are working out for you.
     
  3. Jason Liam

    Jason Liam Fapstronaut

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  4. Jonathansierra

    Jonathansierra Fapstronaut

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    Man you are an inspiration bro! Tons of congratulations!!!
     
    Jason Liam likes this.
  5. its so awesome bro.Congrats for getting out of that cage.
    Its very inspirational.Though i havent watched anime but I always used to get turned on by CFNM Stuff and normal Sex scenes wouldnt make me hard at all.

    I think Sissy porn and CFNM,Incest share same type ,emasculation of man by woman.
    So Maybe nofap would work
     
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  6. Truth..
    Awesome bro..
     
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  7. Edward Nygma

    Edward Nygma Fapstronaut

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  8. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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  9. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    Fucking sick post man!

    It's awesome that you've finally found yourself after breaking free from porn.

    It's a vicious, vile creature that doesn't care about you or your feelings. It wants to make you into a sissy so you keep going back to it because you don't feel "manly" enough to go after real women.

    Fuck that shit. Attention from real women makes you feel 100X better than any **** on on a computer screen ever will.

    As I've cut my porn use down considerably, I've even started to notice guys in the street who I can tell watch porn all the time. You can sense their "sissyness". I feel disgusted with myself that people once thought that of me.

    I applaud you for writing this post. Many guys wouldn't have the balls.

    I feel like quitting PMO feels like the way Jim Carrey's character in "The Mask" describes "what it's like to wear the mask, in that it makes your wildest desires come alive and you start to feel like the person you were born to be, instead of a suppressed, awkward, uncharismatic, weak version of your true self.

    Keep on fighting the demon man.
     
  10. Jason Liam

    Jason Liam Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the overwhelming support guys. I am pretty proud of what I have reached so far but staying humble is key. There are still a lot of people who are superior to me in many ways and catching up to them the time that i wasted fapping and PMOing will not be easy.

    I am still but a raw metal ore waiting to be brought in shape. And its up to me to, everyday stand up and form that ore into a sharp sword.

    If you are going through hard times guys think about this: I have a 100 Dollar-Bill willing to give it to you. No downsides.
    Now I will cut it a bit with scissors. It looks bad. Will you still take it? Now I throw it into the dirt on the ground. The 100 Dollar Bill is dirty as fuck now. Would you still take the 100 Dollar-Bill, though it is dirty and has marks?

    Most probably you would, because its value has never changed. It's still 100 Dollar, no matter the circumstances.

    It' the same with you guys. Your potential will never change, till the day you die. You value will never decrease. You are raw diamonds just waiting to get out of the cage to be brought into the form you imagine.

    You arent worthless. You are just so dirty that no one can see the diamond thats behind the dirt. go wash yourself and get started!
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2017
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  11. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    Fantastic analogy.
     
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  12. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Powerful post!
    Reminded me of the times 10 months ago, when I was a heavy PMO addict. I wasn't addicted to this kind of porn (I actually don't even know what it is), but CFNM definitley turned me on.
    All this being fake to get an easy life. When I look back it's really sad that I was in this condition. Thanks for reminding me to be grateful for the development I made.

    Stay strong! Enjoy!
     
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  13. PUNK

    PUNK Fapstronaut

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    nice work man .MAN!
     
    Jason Liam likes this.
  14. Tom99

    Tom99 Fapstronaut

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    This is my 1st day here.
     
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  15. Tom99

    Tom99 Fapstronaut

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    This is my 1st day here. I remember googling 'sissy fetish' a year or so ago, and finding this nofap site, and reading about people having the same kind of issues I did, and prior to reading it, thinking I was the biggest weird out there. I'm here cause I want to change and stop the inner suffering. I live alone, and have no accountability, and am prone to acting out when I'm isolating, so I have some work to do, and changes to make. When I take my mask off in life, and expose myself for how I really feel, I am disgusted and disappointed that it has come to this as far as fantasies go. I've spent thousands of dollars on chatlines and sites like niteflirt, trying to seek acceptance and justification from women, regarding my out there fantasies. At the end of the day, it causes me shame and guilt, and I'm here cause deep down, I really want to change. The past couple of days, were probably the lowest of lows, constantly masterbating to gay porn, and involving these feminine desires, even though in real life, i dont own or wear female clothing, and live totally masculinely, and have zero attraction to men in real life. Yet in fantasy, everything changes. It's a secret I've had to live with for a long time. I see these people here who have 50 days, 100 days, 300 days sobriety, and it lets me see some light at the end of the tunnel, that there is indeed hope out there, and that people can change their lives around.
     
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  16. Welcome to nofap!! Keep going, 1 day at a time!! We're all here for each other!!
     
    sakeen likes this.
  17. Thank you for sharing so honestly @Jason Liam !! It really takes balls to post it here!! Hats off & congrats!! What are you upto these days now??
     
  18. Rey Rey

    Rey Rey Fapstronaut

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    Totally amazing and good to see people moving towards the right direction
     
  19. cybbota

    cybbota Fapstronaut

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    straight from the heart.
     
  20. cybbota

    cybbota Fapstronaut

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    Its posts like this that are helping me to realize things.. like that Pornography turned me into a depressing whining little pussy! Holy S...t, I just didn't see it before. Pornography F'd up my life and my mind.
     

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