I relapsed after a long period without pmo friends... these are just my current thoughts....

For Fapstronauts of the Protestant Christian faith.

  1. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    Relapse after a long period without pmo..

    Unfortunately, friends, I've relapsed.... I went more than 4 months (that's well over the 90 day nofap traditional recommendation) without looking at porn or any other sexual material looking for pleasure from them, without thinking of real life women (atleast mostly) in a lustful way...



    Now.... I've relapsed... Hours of watching the unnatural trash photos andmasturbation..... The reason? I'll try toanalyze..
    1. I neglected my spiritual life and my devotion.... I didn't go to church for nearly 7 weeks.... The daily Rosary with my family over the phone I regarded as a trouble rather than as a great gift of God... Instead of renewing faith, hope and love for God, subconsciously I must have thought that I had obtained what I wanted from God (freedom from PMO) and so left off my prayers and going to church..... In my opinion probably my biggestmistake...

    2. I didn't get rid of other bad habits... I still watched hours of entertainment videos, played hours of a dangerous timewasting and soul sucking moba game... I didn't develop good habits of cleanliness, early rising, exercise, eating healthy, positivity, being grateful to God for all the things in life etc... I didn't watch pmo forthese months but wasted a lot of time in useless and bad habits....

    3. I let pride creep in... Instead of being thankful to God for helping me to be free of that sin for so long, I thought I would never fall back into it again.... I thought that temptation wouldn't affect me.... I was wrong....

    Also, I still have not "rewired" from that pmo habit..... Even though my faith built up strong principles against it and helped me to avoid it, I didn't allow my brain enough time to recover....
    The excessive screen time greatly hinders rewiring (losing your connections and attractions to pmo and building up good thoughts and attitudes) I think....

    Also, I still have anhedonia (lack of pleasure and joy) and depression... Life feels dull and pointless... Because I just relapsed it is very severe now... But I know this will pass soon.....


    I think one of the reasons my mind hasn't yet recovered from the depression and lack of joy is because of excessive screen usage, which makes me enjoy that artificial world and prevents my brain from learning to be happy in the real actual world.... I would forget all my worries and feel very happy when I was in that imaginary screen world of dramas and movies... Without it I felt dull and depressed...



    How do I feel now?
    I feel sad that I feel back into the pit into which I vowed never to enter again.... When you want something that much and then end up failing to achieve it, one feels greatly depressed and hopeless about the future....
    Still my brain is in the confusion of that post pmo state....

    On some levels, I feel that it is expected to have fallen sooner or later, as I totally neglected voluntary church and prayer, didn't make other real changes, kept wasting my time..... This relapse is like a wake up call...

    One must also think positively about the world and people, and not give way to negative thoughts.... For me, some negative thoughts about women (thatwomen are selfish, superficial, shallow that real relationships are not happy at all, that most women are only in relationships for money and kids, that there are no good women at all etc etc ) encouraged me to relapse... These negative thoughts are definitely products or increased by pmo.... And these thoughts themselves can drive one to pmo because a negative view of women can encourage usingthem as objects for one's lust)



    I will learn something from this...
    I will not follow the patterns of failure... I will not beat myself up and place great expectations on my own strength whichcan make me feel bad enough to binge... I will start to go to churchregularly again, say my prayers again, let God into my mind and life again, place God at the top of my priorities, and AVOID AVOID AVOID AVOID AVOID BINGEING....

    if experience and the thousands of people who trashed pmo habit for good havetaught me anything, it's that you canrecover fast from one relapse, but never from a binge...
    A single relapse will take away your peace of mind and fill you with temptations, but it will be temporary, and be a steppingstone for success if you don't go and fall again...

    However, a full binge will set you back at the very beginning of your recovery, erase all the progress you may have made, and make you find yourself again in thedeepest pits from which you came out....

    I will try to never watch porn andmasturbation purposely again in my life... But it's all on God now... I will go back to Him for help and rely on Him always....


    Ahh... How I wish I had never become addicted.... How I wish to be pure, pious, happy, successful and innocent like a child...
    How great it would be if this sin trash didn't exist in the world at all...... But I shouldn't waste time dreaming instead of doing... Doing is much more virtuous than merely wanting....... Even if there's PMO in the world, I have the choice to purge it (and other major sins ) from my life and my world, and the way is God.....

    Jesus Christ, help me to pass victoriously through sin and live according to your great plans for us... I ask for prayers to God from everyone here and everyone in Heaven, most of all my mother Mary....

    The great way to both Holiness, victory over sin and happiness is not to place too much expectation on yourself, but think of yourself with humility as a humble and weak person who will be saved from sin by God... Try to do all that you need to do but always know that God will help you through everything...
     
  2. Run_Like_Joseph_Did

    Run_Like_Joseph_Did Fapstronaut

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    I get this. I still feel this way sometimes and it causes me to think that there's no point in trying because women aren't worth it blah blah blah. I get these thoughts all the timeand I feel for you.

    We need to try and focus on what we do this for. We can't allow our motivations to be based on women. We fight this fight because we know that what we do is a sin against a holy God. Women have no reason at all to concern themselves with men like us.

    the situation between men and women sucks right now. Men are angry because they can't get the time of day from women and so they use porn because they are sad and lonely. and the women who make this pornography (instagram, twich, pornhub) do so because they want male attention without having to reciprocate it.

    We just have to trust that God will keep His promises. Honestly it's the only reason i keep holding on and it's a pretty firm rope to grab onto. Trust God and He will deliver someway or another.
     
    Deleted Account and One Eyed Owl like this.

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