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I relapsed like 7 times over the last 3 days and i feel like my old good self again, why?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Balkanray, Jun 15, 2020.

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  1. Balkanray

    Balkanray Fapstronaut

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    EDIT:I also relate to this guy a lot who wrote this post.https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...efore-i-started-nofap-is-nofap-for-me.182055/

    Please don't take this to yourself. We are all different and this is my experience i wanna share with you.

    Hello. I am BalkanRay from reddit. I've been a member of NoFap for over 3 years now and i have helped hundreds of people in reddit to their PMO addiction, writing many threads whether it's about vitamins, dating girls, video games, NoFap, PMO etc..

    I have experienced everything NoFap has to offer, even Semen Retention. I have hit 500+ days of NoFap and Semen Retention and few times 200+ days.

    I was a PMO addict since age 10 / 11. I'm 24 soon. I think i found out about NoFap at age 20 and half. I successfully became an expert at age 21, fought myself to the top and it was hard believe me.

    But the reason i joined NoFap is because i read about it's benefits. I never had problems sexually, i never had erectile dysfunction. I had problems with confidence and being social, i was afraid of girls. Otherwise no i was even looking better before NoFap and SR.

    NoFap and SR made me an alpha wolf who is strong, aloof, confident and other shit. But i felt like it's not me anymore and i was on a survival mode or something. I wasn't even looking like my old self again. Exercise didn't really help with this either. Last 3 days i've been masturbating a lot and i feel like my system got back up, sex drive through the roof, feeling horny, wanting to go out and experience life again. I feel like my old teenage self again where i feel emotions again ( i definitely am not that aloof anymore ). I feel more sensitive but in a good way, i don't feel that aloof alpha confident guy who walks into a bar and doesn't care about anything what other people think. Strong and confident guy who fears nothing. But now i feel like i am part of everyone again, i feel calmer, sensitive, i feel emotions to the point i even want a girlfriend again ( i never had a girlfriend while being on NoFap and SR, had 1 night stand so far ), as i said survival mode.


    It's not like my dick was dead on NoFap and SR but i feel my boners are way stronger after relapsing. Morning woods are back too. I don't think this is a chaser effect, i used to masturbate almost everyday during my teenage years and guess what? I had friends, i was super good looking, i even dated girls who were most beautiful and most popular girls at school and making them chase and cry after me. I never had this on NoFap and SR, i feel like people are avoiding me the more i am on Nofap and SR.

    Yes NoFap and SR made people more scared of me and noticed i am alpha. But it made me more of a strong alpha lone wolf who doesn't need anyone in his life. I used to be popular before i joined NoFap and SR. I was sweet and innocent and even girls digged that.


    Do you guys know that movie Never Back Down? On NoFap and SR i was like that guy Ryan but lone wolf version. When i masturbate normally ( without porn of course, porn is bad ) or even ejaculate during sex, i feel more like Jake. Emotional, sweet, kind and not carrying any intimidating aura or anything. Shitty examples but i hope you get this point.


    WHY is this? My family never had problems with sex or anything. We are naturally very high libido beings and even my dad has scorpion tattoo and it's a sexual energy tattoo and believe me i have studied my dad and scorpion symbol. Even my dad attacked me few times arguing why the hell am i not fucking girls.


    Am i the opposite of NoFap? Do you guys relate to this at all? Can we who have no flatline, no brain fog, no social anxiety, no erectile dysfunction ejaculate normally during sex or are we supposed to do karezza ( non ejaculatory orgasmic sex )? I had 1 night stand few months ago with this woman and i had sex like 3 times where i had orgasm but i didn't ejaculate. I didn't really feel tired or anything after that. But last 3 days i have ejaculated 6-7 times and i don't really feel tired either but i feel like my emotions are back. That feeling in your chest when you are super horny? I feel that again. I feel emotions, love, horniness, i feel good again.



    Is NoFap / Semen retention eventually shutting down our balls and making us go survival mode? Does this really cause prostate cancer? I have noticed i cum way less too during NoFap. I was a sexual beast before NoFap.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2020
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  2. Adub648

    Adub648 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man,

    I completely agree with what you are saying. Something that you should consider is that while porn in itself is definitely bad, it has been proven that masturbation is ok and is in fact good for you. Therefore, while quitting porn was good for you, quitting masturbation might not have had the same effect.
     
    Balkanray likes this.
  3. Balkanray

    Balkanray Fapstronaut

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    Yes this is the truth. I think semen retention has fucked things over after going 500+ days of not busting a single load and even becoming strong in dreams too to the point i controlled myself in my own dreams. I used to get wet dreams before. After reading those SR benefits i completely joined it without hesitation and idk man this everything happened to me. I do agree that SR makes men more manly and stronger etc.. even mike tyson said he was like what.. 5 years in semen retention? He even had the most powerful intimidating aura and made fighters scared of him. I can relate to this too man believe me i even fought few times during SR and i wasn't scared or weakling anymore.

    But before NoFap and SR i was sweet and innocent. I was never trying to cause fights or intimidate others and my aura was clean and positive. I've tried everything TRUST me even mantras to get positive energy. Meditation, praying to god, exercising etc. Nothing made me the same.

    I think occasionally having sex is the key man. Even masturbation. I used to be in a dream state you feel me here? Made me euphoric and i really mean this bro.

    Are we in a war or something? Do we need to be strong and survive and be the ultimate alpha and fearless that we need our semen to back us up? I live in Finland dude it's considered happiest country in the world 2020. Economy is good, nobody is left behind and people are safe 24/7. Education is free, salary is ok etc.. i say masturbation and sex is normal and i don't need SR to be the war lord or something. I mean people who are part of SR and NoFap group have written many times '' Ohh man our ancestors were always saving their seeds and they were ultimate men before, stronger and alpha '' etc.... shit our ancestors never lived truly in peace and had to stay strong and shit in order to provide for themselves and their family. Chinese who used tantra sex over 1000 years ago and writing stuff about saving your seed? Shit since when did chinese people truly live in total peace and love? Some may have but you get the point.


    I really don't even care about this woman attraction anymore. I get the looks all the time and women can sense it subconsciously, even a gay person once said '' you are full of seed '' he sensed it. But i still had more girls and friends before NoFap and SR. I've been to bars, clubs etc like million times during SR and NoFap but still.

    Meet the right person, have sex, ejaculate and feel the love. Balance is everything though. PORN is bad drop it. Stay in NoFap / SR if you truly need healing. I think the reason i still am pretty confident and haven't lost all of my powers even though i fapped like what 6-7 times over the last 3 days is because NoFap and SR made me more.. what is the word? Self Discipline?


    I think NoFap and SR is to be considered as veganism. I was a vegan for over 2 months and i listened to every vegan there who helped me with what i should eat. My budged was more expensive than it was during normal balanced meal. I thought i was going to die man and it made my life more hell no matter what i eat and how much i ate veganism food. I say 1-2 weeks of being a vegan is OK then go back to meat and other balanced foods you should eat. Same thing with SR and NoFap, take break whenever you feel like you need it and then have sex and masturbate when you feel like doing it but not forcing yourself to do it like an addict.


    Shit age 10 to 18 i was living a dream now i life is not the same anymore. I need a girl i wanna have sex now from time to time and feel good and awesome again.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2020
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  4. blademaster87

    blademaster87 Fapstronaut

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    I just think you're in a honey moon with that good old blue pill. The habit makes the monk so choose yours well.
     
  5. Balkanray

    Balkanray Fapstronaut

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    I really dont know which to choose. NoFap benefits or Fap/Sex benefits. Dark vs light.

    I guess i have this to figure out.. I might just go with the flow just like everybody else who has sex. I might balance this out. Sometimes karezza sex, sometimes ejaculate sex, sometimes no sex. I dont really wanna fap anymore and i've been planning to get a girlfriend sooner or later.

    Im just scared if i ejaculate with her.. Will she stop loving me? Will she lose respect towards me? Will she not be attracted to me anymore? Will she lose interest in me because ejaculation makes men less alpha, strong, manly etc..? I've many times seen women be less interested in me when i ejaculate, i lose the powers but i get something else in return too.

    Before i joined NoFap i was just like everyone else. I was a bit different but i had friends. I was sweet and romantic but i teased my girls a lot haha but i was not strong, powerful or anything. I saw women in higher power usually, well sometimes.


    Also i am scared i will get prostate cancer if i dont bust my load for too long... I mean how often should i bust my load then??
     
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  6. Adub648

    Adub648 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah definitely true. I only MO when I feel like it, which without porn is only once every 3-4 days.

    I also think that places like these have unfortunately morphed into what they shouldn't be; i.e. praising anecdotal evidence above everything else.

    There are alternatives to what places like this suggest, they are not as necessary or life-changing as it might seem.
     
  7. i_s92i

    i_s92i New Fapstronaut

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    it's a normal thing if as if you hit a bazelte, you need a lot of times for you to break it
     

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  8. thedeskman43

    thedeskman43 Fapstronaut

    This is a very interesting thread to read as I have been thinking a lot about wether or not no pmo really is what people need. I'm trying the 90 day challenge, and I wonder what I'm going to do when I finish it. I'm a university student so I can't really tell myself at this point in my life that I won't do pmo anymore for the rest of my life, but I do realise that too much is just too much, and it can drag you down. I believe that after I finish the challenge, or maybe even sooner, when I'm ready for it, I will attempt to do pmo but in a balanced way. Everybody on this forum seems to be, as you stated, in this really extreme mood of trying to achieve 'what our great ancestors' achieved and stuff. I guess that's just not really a way of living, and most normal people wouldn't be able to sustain such a living. As of right now I believe rebooting is great for losing the addiction of porn etc., but that doesn't mean that you can never get back to some pmo. O is a natural thing at last. It's just the art of balancing it out, I guess.
     
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  9. Balkanray

    Balkanray Fapstronaut

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    Actually i have relapsed maybe 8-10 times over the last 10 days and i have notices i have less deeper voice and less confidence than before. I look a bit uglier too now lol. It's been 3 days now and i feel like my old self now. I have noticed men look at me more in intimidating way when i walk outside. Before i was the guy who was intimidating and nothing could hurt me.

    I have no idea why i felt so good when i relapsed my first 1-4 times but feeling like a zombie after that. I used to PMO almost everyday from age 10 / 11 and i still had friends, girlfriends, i never looked like a zombie etc.. Idk man. Maybe i am wrong. Maybe it doesn't really matter after all.. i mean i did get new contacts and a girl to my self even after being 500+ days in NoFap.

    I take it all back now. I don't think i will ever relapse again. Seriously i remember being 100+ days in and i thought it is killing me because i was too aggressive yet empty. I was too self dependent and lonely.

    I think the reason masturbation feels good because it gives healthy amount of dopamine and can make us feel euphoric. I think porn is like a drug which will drain you and make you feel less alive and other shit. Please here me out: i remember when i was just a kid and my family used to go to Serbia during summer. I remember i had no internet there, no wifi nothing. I remember having to be without porn and i felt soooo horny i haven't felt forever. I felt so horny i started to masturbate again and i just wanted to have sex and other stuff. I was so horny i felt alive man. Then i somehow found a local wifi and i was SO excited and horny. So i downloaded few videos and i went back home and you know the rest.. well i didn't feel like my old self again. I can't believe i noticed this 2 days ago, i mean it makes totally sense.

    NoFap and Semen retention is real though, but will eventually kill your feelings. Do you want to be strong? Do you want to be fearless and confident? Do you want to be alpha? Go NoFap and Semen Retention.

    Do you want to experience strong feelings such as love? Do you want to just FEEL all kinds of different feelings not just love? Do you want to be a bit weaker but be part of a group? Do you want to be hornier? Masturbate or have normal sex without overdoing it ( also NO porn leave that out ).

    I think sexuality will eventually die if you don't use your dick. Here's 1 truth: I had sex while i was 200+ days on NoFap and i had karezza sex with a woman i think 3-4 times ( i didn't ejaculate once ). I did have a feeling of horniness with her. But eventually it all died when i smelled the womans pussy so i eventually ditched her and never talked to her again. I mean she was dirty man she was 43 year old cougar ( i'm 23 lol ). But yeah i did have sex and i did feel like fucking her and stuff even though i never ejaculated. So yes you can still feel somewhat feelings but they won't be strong as when you normally ejaculate.

    Have you ever heard of chaser effect? Where you feel super horny and your dick gets up later after you ejaculate? This will die if you stop ejaculating. If you have non ejaculation orgasm you will have small chaser effect but not that strong like ejaculation one. My dick got way harder after i ejaculated 1-3 times and i was like '' shit i am sooo horny man ''.

    I don't really know what to do. In chinese books about sexual energy and saving your seed etc.. i read a man can ejaculate once a month. Some books say doing karezza and never wasting your seed but does this all make sense to you? I don't remember how karezza felt like but i think it might be the key. I did read karezza can give you feelings and actually make you more connected to other person than ejaculation does. So yeah we either do karezza sex and ejaculate once a month or 2.

    Otherwise no i think the reason i feel AWESOME yet empty and shitty no matter how long i have been to NoFap and SR is because of bad diet and lack of exercise. Lack of exercise is serious bro believe me i always felt great when i ran everyday and i just was active all day long. Ever since i turned 18 i started partying and i played more video games than ever killed me. I haven't drink alcohol in over 2 months now and i exercise almost daily now and i feel more alive. I did write to this thread that exercise doesn't help but IT REALLY DOES.



    So yes now i understand why i started to feel shitty after 3-4 ejaculations ( i admit it i used porn a bit too ). So in a month i can ejaculate with a girl maybe 3 times but i might just use karezza instead. I will try this out myself when i get a girlfriend. I will try karezza manyyy times and if it doesn't make me feel good or anything i will ejaculate once with her.

    But you know.. i did have karezza 3-4 times with a smelly woman that i didn't even LIKE. I mean what happens if i actually find a girl of my age and i reallllyyy start to like her? The reason i liked this 43 year old woman is because i went to a bar, everyone started looking at me as a god and people kept saying '' ohh you are so handsome '' and as an alpha aloof chill guy people were just naturally magnetic to me. I was fun to be around too and i was confident. Doing karaoke and gaining respect from people. Well then this 43 year old woman started talking to me, it was all good and she bought me a shot too. She wasn't really pretty tbh.. i was just idk i was like what the hell from 1 to 10 she's maybe a 3 or 4 but i just took what was offered no fucks were given. Until we got naked and i saw her body and her pussy smelling rotten and shit i had to leave her man like i used to date clean TOP girls from schools most popular too :D but still i had sex 3-4 times with her all different condoms lol. Before NoFap and SR i was VERY cautious who i sleep with. I was more scared of sex than i am now.
     
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