Hi! I realised last night that I haven't actually been in recovery for quite a while. I've been relapsing repeatedly and looking at psubs regularly, but I've still been telling myself and my SO that I've been trying. We came to an agreement a few days ago, to change my goals to something more manageable, I was really into the whole idea and thought it sounded great. Except it was all an excuse to PMO. Realising this and after talking to my SO is when I understood I wasn't in recovery. I feel that my biggest issue is that I can't understand the pain and hurt I've caused my SO. I realize that I've hurt her logically, but not emotionally. I seem to be extremely self absorbed, I try to wrap my head around understanding her but I can't seem to get there all the way. We've been talking for over a year now that I feel no empathy with her. From my perspective I feel just enough to know that I'm not feeling what I should be. I'm feel stone cold, I love this girl and want to spend the rest of my life with her and our daughter. But how can I ever make up for what I've done to her for the past 5 years if I can't even understand it properly? Has anyone else had similar problems? Is there something I can do to help? Will simply quitting PMO make a difference?