I seem to keep on falling of the ladder, back into the muddy pit!

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Relapses after relapses after relapses, one minute im feeling kind of confident, another minute im doubting myself and feeling like im going to remain a porn induced pervert for the rest of my life. I need motivation, I need guidance, I hate wasting my time with the internet but yet here I am, I do the opposite of what I want to do. I want to workout, then I workout for 10 minutes then give up, I want to recover from porn but yet I relapse, I want to be more confident but im pretty much introverted (maybe) and I want to be proud of myself but yet my self esteem Is low. yet I don't feel sorry for myself, I look at myself with disgust and I know that this is not my full potential, I know that I have a potential for greatness. I want to experience this so called "greatness" but yet again...here I am, stuck in the same muddy pit as you people.
 
What was your highest Streak?
Mine was 30 days going wel then accidentally pmo.d
Now I'm back at it again en feeling even worse ik keep thinking now I'm going to set a new Streak but ik keep failing after a couple days need some motivation
 
Smittos said:
What was your highest Streak?
Mine was 30 days going wel then accidentally pmo.d
Now I'm back at it again en feeling even worse ik keep thinking now I'm going to set a new Streak but ik keep failing after a couple days need some motivation
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Not even 7 days bud, I barely made it to the 6th day and then a relapse occurred and then impending rage approached a minute after slipping.
 
I find relapses occur because I don't believe abstaining is working. Your mind tricks you into thinking you can have porn in your life and recover at the same time. It tells you porn isn't a problem so you can get that fix from it AND then think about recovering from your other issues. It tells you everyone is using porn and they all seem to be OK. It tells you porn is harmless; it's not like you're robbing people to buy heroin. I don't even follow my own advice in these situations. The thoughts get more and more convincing and before I know it my heart is pounding, and I get that sense of excited anxiety and I relapse. Then I wish I hadn't done it. I wish I could turn the clock back and just reason with myself so I didn't relapse. Then I think "I might as well fail more" and i relapse again.

It reminds me of a film called 'Dave Gorman - America Unchained'. He was trying to drive across America without staying in any chain hotels or using any chain gas stations. Partway through the trip his camerawoman had to leave because her back was out and he had to wait in the same town for a few days for a cameraman to travel out. He realised if he hadn't have made so many detours on the trip so far to go and look at what he considered interesting places, they would have already completed the trip and her back would probably have lasted the whole trip. He was angered so much he ended up filling up in a chain gas station and booked into a chain motel. He was a vegetarian and because he felt he'd failed and wanted to wallow in failure, he ended up eating a burger. In the end though, I don't think he ever 'failed' again during the rest of the trip.
 
10 minutes of workout is better than 0 minutes. A small clean streak is better than no streak. Keep trying even if fail often, it will bring some results eventually. Of course, do it the smart way, analyze your failures and learn from them.
 
LilD said:
10 minutes of workout is better than 0 minutes. A small clean streak is better than no streak. Keep trying even if fail often, it will bring some results eventually. Of course, do it the smart way, analyze your failures and learn from them.
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I always tell myself everything is an improvement because nothing can't be an improvement after a porn induced freak like I used to be. I binged last night and "tickled the pickle" like 6 times and this morning I'm meant to go to school but I'm just so exhausted. So today away from school I'm going to recover and get back up on my feet, I will update you people later on.
 
OnTheEdge said:
I find relapses occur because I don't believe abstaining is working. Your mind tricks you into thinking you can have porn in your life and recover at the same time. It tells you porn isn't a problem so you can get that fix from it AND then think about recovering from your other issues. It tells you everyone is using porn and they all seem to be OK. It tells you porn is harmless; it's not like you're robbing people to buy heroin. I don't even follow my own advice in these situations. The thoughts get more and more convincing and before I know it my heart is pounding, and I get that sense of excited anxiety and I relapse. Then I wish I hadn't done it. I wish I could turn the clock back and just reason with myself so I didn't relapse. Then I think "I might as well fail more" and i relapse again.

It reminds me of a film called 'Dave Gorman - America Unchained'. He was trying to drive across America without staying in any chain hotels or using any chain gas stations. Partway through the trip his camerawoman had to leave because her back was out and he had to wait in the same town for a few days for a cameraman to travel out. He realised if he hadn't have made so many detours on the trip so far to go and look at what he considered interesting places, they would have already completed the trip and her back would probably have lasted the whole trip. He was angered so much he ended up filling up in a chain gas station and booked into a chain motel. He was a vegetarian and because he felt he'd failed and wanted to wallow in failure, he ended up eating a burger. In the end though, I don't think he ever 'failed' again during the rest of the trip.
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Tbh I only relapse after a streak out of boredom and out curiosity, I am 15 after all, what teenager isn't curious? but the truth is I am disgusted of myself, I want to be a winner, stop being a little wimp sitting and cowering in my room, fapping to run away from....well life!
 
WhataShame said:
Tbh I only relapse after a streak out of boredom and out curiosity, I am 15 after all, what teenager isn't curious? but the truth is I am disgusted of myself, I want to be a winner, stop being a little wimp sitting and cowering in my room, fapping to run away from....well life!
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Nip it in the bud at that age. Your brain will be able to adapt very, very quickly. You don't need porn at all.
 
WhataShame said:
Relapses after relapses after relapses, one minute im feeling kind of confident, another minute im doubting myself and feeling like im going to remain a porn induced pervert for the rest of my life. I need motivation, I need guidance, I hate wasting my time with the internet but yet here I am, I do the opposite of what I want to do. I want to workout, then I workout for 10 minutes then give up, I want to recover from porn but yet I relapse, I want to be more confident but im pretty much introverted (maybe) and I want to be proud of myself but yet my self esteem Is low. yet I don't feel sorry for myself, I look at myself with disgust and I know that this is not my full potential, I know that I have a potential for greatness. I want to experience this so called "greatness" but yet again...here I am, stuck in the same muddy pit as you people.
Click to expand...


Find your “why”. Why you want to stop this addiction? And work on whatever goals you have. Be it to get better grade or lose weight or to be a better person mentally and spiritually. Work on it.

Don’t make nofap your main goal. Rather use it as a ladder to achieve your goals.

Everything else will fall in the right place at the right time.
 
Basith said:
Find your “why”. Why you want to stop this addiction? And work on whatever goals you have. Be it to get better grade or lose weight or to be a better person mentally and spiritually. Work on it.

Don’t make nofap your main goal. Rather use it as a ladder to achieve your goals.

Everything else will fall in the right place at the right time.
Click to expand...

let's see, why I want to stop addiction? because over porn consumption has turned me into a sick freak who craves nothing from life but porn, whether that be "normal porn" or the really fucked up disgusting shit, I would keep on shifting in between each.

Better grades? I am pretty shit at school but I'm in year 9 and I would partially blame that on the addiction.

and my weight is fine, not fat nor too skinny. Normal really....

What I want to do Is get out of the mess I have gotten into, return to normal attraction (s), lift weights and build muscle, I want to overall be more confident and less awkward (I would not say introverted actually) and just be the best version of myself I can be.....
 
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