I self sabotaged a date

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Max666, Oct 19, 2019.

  1. Max666

    Max666 Fapstronaut

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    This is a true story:
    I was gonna go out with this beautiful African girl so I called her up to set up the time and because I didn't like the sound of her voice I decided to call it off. Sent her a text 5 mins later saying "I could hear it in your voice so I wish you all the best, bye". By far the dumbest thing I've ever done, I could be holding her in my arms right now. Just cause she seemed distant and not enthusiastic enough. She text me back saying "I'm feeling sad today, a close family member died". Game over!

    This happened last night, today I'm so freaking depressed. This ship didn't even get a chance to leave the docks. I killed it. I feel like killing myself, it's not the first time this craps happened. I hate being single, you see the world through a freaking magnifying glass.
     
  2. Don't beat yourself down about it. It was a mistake and everybody makes those.
    What should concern you more is the attitude that you have. That is something to work on:
    Listen, I know what you mean by that because I had that mindset a few years ago. If you get the smallest signal that a girl might not like you, then you withdraw. "If you are not into me, then I am not going to bother."
    You need to develop a form of resistance to such things. If she agreed to meet with you, that means she wanted to meet with you. This is the most important part. Don't look for affirmation in every single thing she does. She doesn't need to express her interest towards you in everything she does. You shouldn't want that either.
    Dating works out better when you don't overthink every single detail about it. Give both yourself and your partner a reasonable margin of error.

    But don't beat yourself down. Did you think about apologizing to the girl and asking her out again?
     
  3. Max666

    Max666 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I did that. I called her back and said "Oh I'm really sorry I had no idea, call me when you're feeling better...etc, etc, etc" like some needy little nice guy. And of course that made it 1000 times worse....in her mind "he's too available!...dont like him anymore...no challenge" or..."he's too gullible". Reality is, it was all over when when I pressed the send button. There's nothing anyone could've done to fix it after that. My guess is what actually happened is she just wasn't feeling the best due to hormonal or other reasons when I spoke to her and made up the story about her "grandmother" dying after to cover her tracks, I think she genuinely wanted to go out, otherwise she wouldn't have bothered to lie, that's if she did.

    I guess we're too busy focusing on the prize to completely be in the moment. That's the problem and like you said, we hit the eject button to get the hell out if we think there's a chance of not winning.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
  4. athlean

    athlean Fapstronaut

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    is this from tinder? because dude, you've got hundreds of other matches and potential dates ;) dont beat yourself too much over it.

    advice for this: don't cancel a date when you dont like something about a girl, just go through with it. i mean, what do you have to lose by going through with it? (maybe a few bucks because you're buying her drinks haha)
     
    Max666 likes this.
  5. Nil1991

    Nil1991 Fapstronaut

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    Interesting story, next time don't be sooo sincere with someone that you will meet. You could said just: "Are you sure that you wanna go out? If you can't we could set up another day."
     
    Max666 likes this.
  6. Max666

    Max666 Fapstronaut

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    That would've been the perfect response. I realize that now.
     
  7. SaitamStrong

    SaitamStrong Fapstronaut

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    I have heard many girls lie just before the time of the Date , with excuses to avoid any conflict with the boy. These excuses can be totally ridiculous (death is one of them) , listen to your Gut.
    Its good that you have emotional intelligence as you got the idea from her voice. Also, if a girl is actually excited to hangout with you, nothing can stop her, even her own accident. Move on to next girl.
     
    Max666 likes this.
  8. MB183715

    MB183715 Fapstronaut

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    I have realized (or imagined) that a woman isn't right for me after the first date is already set. I go anyway. What's the worst that can happen? She doesn't like me, vice/versa. No big deal. I'm still going to have a couple of drinks and enjoy a night out.
     

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