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I think I have an addiction for love. It is overwhelming, please help

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by APCIA, Oct 28, 2014.

  1. APCIA

    APCIA Fapstronaut

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    Hey all.

    So on day 100+ of nofap I'm feeling really good. Everything in my life is starting to get in the right direction. After a long time of having nothing to do, I have a job. I do sports every day, eat healthy and have way way more energy.

    The trouble is I still have no real girl. And everytime I met a girl I get really attached really fast. This doesn't leave room for love to grow. It is a pattern I always had, but lately it is increasing. I'm not sure how to deal with it.

    A month ago I met a girl I'm now crazy for. we had a perfect date (according to also her, not just me). But she doesn't really want to get into it with me now. I think about her ALL day, ALL the time. It feels like an addiction.

    Any advices?
     
  2. Oldham

    Oldham Fapstronaut

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    The issue there is neediness. It always turns girls off.
    Advice from Coach Corey Wayne (see youtube videos) has really helped me.
     
  3. napionder

    napionder Fapstronaut

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    You probably have to work on your self image. It looks like you are using love in the same way you (used to) use PMO. You need it to fill an emptiness inside of you. I had the same issue.

    I didn't really like myself, I felt lonely and unhappy. I was not very successful with the girls and every time a girl would pay attention to me I would fall in love instantly with that girl. If it grew into a relationship, early on I would experience the same things as you: she became my whole world, I thought about her every second.

    The problem with this is that this attitude is very destructive for your relationship, because you put a lot of expectation on your partner. Alone you are miserable, together you are completely in love and happy. She becomes the only source of your happiness. That is a tough burden to carry.

    Also, this either becomes a one-way relationship where your partner has to give you her love and happiness but gets nothing in return. Or this becomes a relationship where your partner gets suffocated by your attention and needs. There is no balance.

    You have a wound and you're looking for a band-aid(your girlfriend). A band-aid can never heal a wound, it can only cover it.

    Heal your wound, learn to love and respect yourself. If you cannot love yourself, nobody will be able to love you, because you will be unable to fully receive it. If you heal your wound you can go into a relationship without expectations.

    Imagine yourself, not needing anything from your girlfriend. You're happy not because you are with her, but because of who you are and you want to share that happiness with her instead of demand it from her. Can you see how that changes the whole dynamic of the relationship? And when you love and respect yourself, you'll no longer fall in love head over heals. You'll be in control over your emotions!

    And being like this attracts a lot more women than being needy and desperate.
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2014
  4. Philip1990

    Philip1990 Fapstronaut

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    And how to love yourself with no Friends and no girls?and life being only hard ?And you read and tried so much?I really want to know that.
     
  5. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

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  6. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    It's a tricky thing. I've had relationships that started with both of us getting attached really quickly. That's great if it's mutual, but when it's not mutual you can't do anything about it.

    When I was younger I would always get attached really fast and it wouldn't be reciprocated, so I would come off as really desperate which made me even less attractive. Now that I'm older, if I got out with someone and fall in love really fast, I wait. I may feel and think I love this person, but I don't say anything or act like it. I play it cool and take my time. That seems to work best. It sounds like it's playing a game or being manipulative. Maybe it is. But that's just the way it is. However, if I fall for someone fast and they fall for me fast and it's clear, then fuck it, go for it. I know many people with longterm relationships that started that way. The relationship I've been in for 2 years now started that way. But you can't force it.

    Another thing I've noticed... All the girls I "fell in love with" are distant memories now. Even though I thought and felt "I love this person" at one point, that passed. I don't believe in soul mates, I think there are many people out there for all of us.

    Also, love or a relationship can't be all you want in life. I learned that the hard way. While the attention might be nice at first, women usually will get bored of someone who doesn't have any other interests, goals, or passions. Women find men with interests and ambitions attractive.
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2014

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