This entire year, I've had this empty feeling in my body. My mind and body brought up a very important question and it was: "What is the point of doing all this if you aren't happy?" What a powerful question to ponder over? It meant that everything I was doing was irrelevant or had no significance. This emptiness, carried with me throughout the year has affected all areas of my life and made me retreat into my PMO habits as well as general depression. I noticed my academics fall apart, I noticed myself drift away from everyone, I noticed that I just withdrew from life. Until, I realized something very important... My mom always wants me to pray with her in the nights. I hate this because it's just a waste of time for me. I sat down as usual and let my mind wander until I noticed she started crying for me. She felt a deep sadness for me for some strange reason. She looked at me and said, "I genuinely care about you and want you to be happy. We came from nothing and we invested so much into you. We want you to succeed, not because we value you but we want you to be happy and someday have a happy family of your own. All I ask for you is to care for us and make the world a better place." For the first time in my life, someone actually said they cared about me. Bear in mind I'm a victim of child abuse by my own mother, so the hear her say that made me...yeah I don't know what to say... I started sobbing in my room later that night and I finally realized something very important about my purpose in life. Here goes: My purpose in life is to leave the world a better place than when I came into it. It was a burst of colors but it finally hit me and I could feel my "soul" fill up. I think I can leave my PMO behind now, I think I can leave all those destroyed relationships behind now, I think I have the motivation to study hard and fulfill my dreams as a medical doctor. I realized that I am not doing all this for the money or for myself - those don't grant happiness. I'm doing this so that future generations can have a foundation to build on. I'm a son of two immigrant parents who want their child to succeed in America. I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this for others and I'm making the world a better place. It's time for me to stop being selfish, I've been selfish all my life. This I believe is a significant step for me to move forward. It was what I've been searching for a long time. With this newfound motivation to basically live, I can stop dwelling on the past. For the first time in my life, I don't feel lonely anymore. The mother that abused me apologized as a child. With all the closure one could want, I think I can move on. tl;dr: I found purpose in my life after all these years. I used porn and masturbation to dumb these feelings down, but I think I found a way to live. I now understand the purpose of my existence and it gives me the motivation to move forward. Question for all rebooters: What is your purpose? If you don't have one finding one will help you immensely.