I think I would relapse the now if it wasn't for blockers?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by skaterdrew, May 7, 2020.

  1. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    I had a drink last night, so I am a bit hungover today.

    A while ago I got rid of my smartphone, tv and every other device I could access the internet on except my laptop.

    I have a set up on my laptop where when everything is up and running I can't access any porn or artificial sexul stimulation at all. I can't access anything that would cause me to relapse on porn or artificial sexual stimulation. literally no images, videos or streams on my laptop except from the sites I have seen as safe for me and don't cause me to relapse. Youtube restricted mode is forced to the point the search results for inappropriate videos don't appear, and if I do find them it comes up with a black screen saying video unavailable This video is restricted. Try signing in with a G Suite account. This can't be switched off. I have done all of this through a few different blockers and disabling a few different systems and mechanisms on my laptop. As far as I can tell the set up I have in place can't be bypassed. I'm not going to explain everything I have done, as there is too much to explain, and I also wouldn't want to risk some computer whizz responding with possible ways to get around the blocking system I have in place.

    But in my opinion this would even be difficult to get around for a complete whizz on computers. Potentially even impossible.

    The thing is though the system I have in place I don't have it blocked like this 24/7. I choose certain lenghts of time to do this ext. As I do sometimes need to be able to access other things on my laptop from time to time. I need to be able to download or uninstall certain things from time to time. Sometimes I need to be able to access certain things to fix my laptop that I can't access when this blocking system is in place.

    But today I have woke up hungover and I feel very horny. I woke up literally desperate to go on my laptop and start edging and binging on porn and artificial sexual stimulation. I honestly think if I didn't have this blocking system in place today I would highly likely spend the entire day edging and binging on PMO. But because I simply can't access it I won't be on any porn or artificial sexual stimulation at all today. So I mean this is a big difference. So in a way blockers do work?

    It's strange. The feeling and thought I have at the moment is getting on that porn and artificial sexual stimulation the now would be so enjoyable that I would likely choose to ignore everything else. So it would cause me to ignore pornfree and nofap, simply because of the level of enjoyment and pleasure I would get going on that the now. It feels like the only thing that matters in the moment when I feel this way? It's not good.

    But yeah thankfully I can safely say I won't be on any porn or artificial sexual stimulation today thanks to the blocking system I have in place. So I mean this is a big difference. Without this blocking system in place I would likely spend the entire day edging and binging on PMO. With this blocking system in place I won't be on any porn or artifical sexual stimulation at all today.

    So I mean I do think blockers work if you can develop a setup where you simply can't access any of the stuff that could cause you to relapse.

    The issue I have though is when the blocks do come down, 9 times out of 10 I am usually rapidly on to all of that content, and I do binge a lot of the time, for an entire day ext. What I actually find though is the less time I have the blocking system in place the less I binge when the blocking system comes down. Where as the longer the blocking system is in place the longer I binge when the blocking system comes down.

    I honestly don't know how there is guys out there that could feel the way I feel the now, who could want porn and artificial sexual stimulation as much as me the now, yet still be able to refuse it if they could easily access it.

    Will I ever get to that stage?
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2020
  2. break free from p

    break free from p Fapstronaut

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    Is it possible to modify your blocking system so that you don't have the opportunity to turn it off so frequently? I use cold turkey blocker and I have it scheduled 24/7 for most p sites and search terms. If I find something (a search term or website) I missed I may relapse, but then I add it to the list. I can deactivate the list for the next day if I need to for some reason, but that means I still have to wait until 12:00 AM still so there is no way for me to immediately access p.
     
  3. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    Yes there is ways I can make the blocks last longer. But like I mentioned, usually the longer I block my self the worse the binge is when the blocks come down. This is why I am not sure if this is the best system for me. Where as blocks of like a week, ten days ext usually results in a single relapse and no binging. Where as blocks that last three weeks or longer usually result in binging that lasts days. Even weeks on one occasion.
     
  4. break free from p

    break free from p Fapstronaut

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    I understand what you are saying. I have this issue with food. However, at least for me, the issue comes from making the behavior habitual. Sure, I still binge occasionally, but the more I permit myself to indulge the more I program the behavior as the norm. The same with PMO; I went ~60 days, but once I tried to MO without P the gates were open, and I have been struggling as much as the original first week of no PMO. If I recall correctly, the author of YBOP would say that the symptoms you are describing are evidence of addiction and that you should try to overcome them. Succumbing to cravings strengthens the neural wiring for the maladaptive behavior, causing them to become increasingly sensitized. I may have butchered that a bit, but I think that's the gist of it.
     
  5. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I have to admit, hearing things like that and reading things like that doesn't overall seem to benefit me. What I have noticed is it overwhelms me, putting me in to a mindset where I think if I don't reach perfection then I am in trouble, and then having this mindset actually causes me more relapsing and binging, as opposed to when I am not taking this too seriously to the point it is somewhat ruling my life.
     
  6. break free from p

    break free from p Fapstronaut

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    My understanding is that relapse is part of recovery. As long as your are trying and you are having more good days than bad days, then that is progress.
     
  7. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    Basically what I notice is if I am off it completely too long, so like 3+ weeks, the binges seem to go very bad for me, resulting in binges that last days, a week, and the most recent one lasted 2 weeks. But when my streaks aren't as long, so a week, 10 days. I seem to relapse once, no binging and then manage to go without it for another week, 10 days ext.

    The recent strategy I was thinking about trying was first going a week, then 9 days, then 11 days. I think there is a good chance if I did this I would relapse literally 3 times to porn in an entire month with no binging. But when I try go longer it almost always results in quite serious binges.

    Something else I have noticed is when I know for a fact I am not getting it for a while this literally makes me not want to let it go, which actually causes worse bigning. But when I know it is only going to be a week, 10 days I don't seem to mind so much about that, and I can let the porn go much easier and not binge.

    So I am literally wondering which method is actually worse out the two of these methods.

    Going longer without porn and artificial sexual stimulation does result in bigning and much heavier use for me. There is just no question about it.
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2020
  8. break free from p

    break free from p Fapstronaut

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    I think both options sound like roads down the same path. However, maybe others will different opinions.
     
  9. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    So in other words if I don't reach perfectionism or near perfectionism in this I am in trouble?
     
  10. break free from p

    break free from p Fapstronaut

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    Personally, I would not plan to PMO. If it happens, get back on the horse. Have you tried MO without P? It didn't work for me, but maybe that is an option for you.
     
  11. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    I do sometimes MO without P. It does work for me because my set up I can't get any porn or artifical sexual stimulation at all. Apart from maybe a few times a month.
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2020

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