I've always been terribly shy around women never really had a girlfriend never had sex. I want to become a Catholic as a way to spiritually commit to God but I have some pretty ungodly desires, I want to one day have kids with my own with a woman but I feel as if my shyness and sexual desires are making it impossible for that to happen. I have to admit that I'm more intimidated by women than I'd like to admit When ever women look at me I sweat, when they compliment me I blush, when I shake their hands I always get boners. But the thing that I'm most concerned about are my sexual desires. As I mentioned earlier I desperately want to become Catholic but I feel as if my desires are getting in my way. I've always had a fetish for women's feet since childhood, and I like boobs too. But the things is My desires have taken a darker turn now I want to lick a woman's vagina, have a woman tickle my cock and balls with a feather, (I hate tickling but I'd make an acceptation for my cock and balls to be tickled by a beautiful woman. Lastly, I recently started fantasizing about a woman locking my cock and balls into a Chastity cage. I am dead scared of BDSM (and Catholicism condemns it.) But there's something about Chastity cages that seem interesting to me. But I'm afraid it's going to go too far and the woman I am with will take full advantage of my sexual desires and keep me in the cage permanently. I've also came to realize that Most women do not like submissive men, Trust me I don't really like being submissive either I have masculine energy that I would like to apply to my own goals and I feel like these desires I have are going to feminize me and make me have less masculine energy. But my desires in a way scratch my rash to be "knocked down a few notches." But the thing is I also lack masculine energy to talk to women as I am dreadfully shy around them. When I'm around men, in church, or trying to accomplish my goals. My masculine energy kicks into over drive, but around women or fantasizing my masculine energy is drained as I am trying to evaluate how much of a freak I am for my mannerisms and desires. Is there anyway I can stop being such a freak?
You are not a freak, you’re human, as we all are. I certainly know how you feel with regards to not having a girlfriend and being a virgin - I’m 22 and I have never had the fortune of being in a couple with a female partner. What’s more, I have noticed that several times in my life I met girls that I was genuinely in love with, and appeared to be interested in me too, but in my weakness I didn’t make a move, because I was afraid of looking a creep (I was never taught how to show a woman my affections, and before that there was a girl at school I was attracted to, where I tried to be as nice to her and protective of her as I could, but I didn’t know how to interpret that she wasn’t interested in me, so that eventually she became quite aggressive towards me, accusing me of being creepy and telling me to leave her alone as if I was some sort of monster, and that really hit me hard during my teenage life). Sometimes I still have regrets that I didn’t make a move with any of those girls who showed more interest in me. However, I have learnt that I don’t have to live my life in the way others do, and I have the ability to choose my own path as my own man. You can become as strong as me too, simply by changing your mindset. There’s nothing to be ashamed of at feeling a desire to lick a girl’s pussy, indeed a girl who likes you will love the idea you want to pleasure her too, and while having your sex organs tickled with a feather is a little avant-garde, it’s still a natural desire to want to have your cock and balls caressed and pleasured. There’s nothing to be afraid of there. However, the chastity cage fantasy needs to be suppressed, and it’s most likely been caused by porn. You deserve better than to be humiliated in such a way, and when you feel an urge for such a thing it’s the porn that’s talking, not you. If you focus on abstaining from porn and masturbation, the fantasy will pass in time and you’ll return to being aroused purely by the normal stimuli above. And it looks like you need to do the same as me - work on yourself and develop your self-respect. Don’t be afraid to approach a girl if you feel you really want to, because you have nothing to lose, and potentially a huge amount to gain. If she finds she likes you, that’s wonderful, while if she isn’t interested in you, you shouldn’t care about it in the least - if she doesn’t like a good guy like you, that’s her loss, not yours. Indeed, you’re better off rid of any girl who isn’t attracted to you now, before you’ve invested much emotional attachment into her, than later if you’ve got into a relationship with her only to find her cheating on you. Don’t let anyone put you down or try to dominate you, if a friend does or a girl does, they are the weak one for wanting to dominate you, so it’s time to show your strength by leaving them. A true alpha male knows when to respect himself and when to respect others, and while he’s quite happy to do things to help others, if he finds he’s being taken advantage of, he is strong enough to say no and move on. Similarly, while he wants to respect himself and avoid doing anything he doesn’t want to do, he also isn’t afraid to say yes to something he does want to do, and that’s what you must do when you see a girl you fancy.
@Dipesh456 I think you have so many things intertwined in your thinking that you need to step back, take a breath, and sort them out. First, don't sweat your virginity. This way more common than you probably realize. And many women will value someone who has "saved" themselves, particularly if you're looking for your future partner within the more religious community -- which it sounds like you are. You should view this as a positive and not a negative. You're not alone in this either. Many people are shy and yet still find the person they are meant to be with. The best advice, as already given, is to be yourself. More than anything else that shows confidence and is attractive to others. So does every Catholic in the world. I know, I'm Catholic. I think you may need to work on a deeper understanding of the Catholic faith, which has at its core an understanding of human frailty. The Catholic faith understands that we all fail sometimes, we can all repent, and we can come back to the church and God anytime we are ready. And we may have to do it again and again. But God is always forgiving. This is the whole point of the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession). That's an interesting fantasy. Again you're not alone. Fantasies though don't dictate who we are. Even if we choose to act on them, they don't define us. With the right person we may be able to act them out. Or we may keep them as our private fantasies. But either way they don't dictate anything about your masculinity. (Cutting back on porn might help with this too!) So that sounds like you actually do have a feeling for who you are. Be content with that. No fantasy or situation will take that away from you. Just be yourself.
Just a question but what if I don't? Believe me I want it to go away I hope it goes away, but what if it doesn't?
It will go away, and it’ll go away quicker the more you build up your self-respect and confidence in yourself, because when you do so your instinctive attitude towards humiliating sex will change from being aroused by it to being disgusted by it, and wondering why you ever thought such stuff arousing in the first place. If you’re still having worries, feel free to PM me and I’ll try and help you resolve your problems.
As long as you avoid turning those fantasies into reality (talking about the bdsm stuff - wanting to lick vagina or even liking feet is pretty normal dude), you will never be considered a freak. Stop focusing on removing your desires because you can't - instead, try to control them. Being a catholic is about resisting temptation, not destroying it.
Update: After reviewing the pros and cons of The Chastity Cage and BDSM stuff I feel that the cons definitely outweigh the pros of it. I would like to work to destroy these desires once and for all.
Good! You’ve made the first step toward improving your self-respect and building yourself into a better man. I with you all the luck in the world friend
You alone draw your own lines that you will not cross. Don’t enthrall yourself into the glory of God to put a blanket over your problems. Ask for God’s guidance and not his powers. Free yourself from whatever constrains you before emitting your soul to God's will. Be the man you know you to be, not the man you wish to be.
