I think im losing my old friends

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by A_glass1900, May 23, 2020.

  1. A_glass1900

    A_glass1900 Fapstronaut

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    I have been trying to talk to one of my old friends from high school periodically. I was messaging them just to check in with them to see how are they doing, or how have they been lately. They just don't message me back and perhaps all I see is the read or seen receipts under my messages I delivered before. Maybe they're too busy to message me back. In those cases they'll probably message me back later. Or they would read my message and then they'll not message me back, or ignoring my messages like they are not in the mood for a full conversation with me. Or even worse, they are not interested with me and don't want to be friends with me anymore, they rather be more close to the friends they have now. Its really hard for me to feel about losing one of my old friends I really missed for years. Its even harder to make new friends these days, and replacing them as one of my old friends and its just no use. And it kills my self esteem.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2020
  2. :)-keepsmiling

    :)-keepsmiling Fapstronaut

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    Hey there,
    Don't feel bad. I very much believe that they will message you back. But what I really appreciate is that you showed your responsibility of being a friend mate!!!and that is really important!! Even if they don't text you back and it happens that you meet them someday, just go and talk to them!!
    Don't feel scared of rejection. You just showed the attitude of being a good friend. You know one thing..... Don't try to leave this habit of caring for your friends. This is the best quality in friendship that a person can have mate!!! Even if you think you are not able to make new friends, if you continue reflecting on this quality of yours, people will be attracted to you!! They will become curious in you!!
    They will wanna get to know you because such attitude of being a good friend is shown by very less people mate!! That's why there is no peace between people. No one realises this. Just don't have any selfish attitude towards your friends. Just do your best in being a good friend.
    That's it mate!!!! Don't leave this quality of yours!!! I am warning you!!! But the thing is you ultimately have to build in that confidence of talking to others. In this way they will get to know you more!!!!
    Keep helping,caring,laughing with your friends. After all they are your friends!!!!!
    Cheers
     
    A_glass1900 and Jae_90 like this.
  3. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    This is like a game of tennis. You hit the ball to his side sending a message. If he didn't reply, then he is not interested to play with you. Just wait for him to text back to you. If he doesn't he is just no interested in you. The worst thing you can do is to try to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you. Have some self respect and let them be, if they miss you they will make the effort to contact you. If not, is their lost, I know is hard but go out and look up for new friends that values you and are happy to talk to you.
     
    Chris_Cactusblossom likes this.
  4. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity", or in this case, its probably not a good idea to make assumptions about why other people do things when it doesnt help at all and only makes you feel worse.

    I have a longtime friend that will vanish off the face of the planet for days, weeks, sometimes even months. He will ignore attempts at communication, stop doing any of the same things we usually do together, and then suddenly pop back into existence at a random point with no warning, and its like nothing happened. This has occurred dozens of times over the course of me knowing him and it used to drive me INSANE. After a while I just accepted that this was a thing he did and there was no point trying to do anything about it, I was actively wasting my time and getting literally nothing in return for it. Nowadays I just let them do whatever it is they are doing, I dont think about them, dont try to talk to them, and let them come to me. Every time so far they have come back, but there is always the chance that this will be the time they dont, and if that happens, then thats OK.

    Now do I think they are a colossal asshole for doing this over and over? Yeah, I do, and they are. But its still a complete waste of time to try and engage with people who wont give the same back to you that you give to them. Every second you waste on a person who doesnt value your time is a second better spent doing almost anything else.
     
  5. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    delete their numbers... it's only in movies and sitcoms like 'friends' where people stay friends for real life. in real life people change and they have bigger priorities. some people make new friends easily. i ignored red flags in my friendship and realized it after ending the friendship. never hang out with someone just cause you're lonely. been there, done that, regret that.
     
    cr7da8055 likes this.
  6. TheLightOne

    TheLightOne Fapstronaut

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    Man u cant rely your self esteem on external people. That will destroy you. Dont expect ppl to behave in certain ways. U cant control them. And if u didnt do anything super bad for them they will respond sooner or later.
     
    A_glass1900 likes this.
  7. Speedo424

    Speedo424 Fapstronaut

    Hey, sorry for the late response to this thread.

    I went through the same thing myself. The way I made sure I didn't feel guilty or sad about these changes is by not trying to contact my ex-friends anymore. If anyone cares about you, they will contact you themselves after some time.
    Make peace with these changes. Relationships can change, insofar as people change too.
     
    cr7da8055 likes this.
  8. WindWolf

    WindWolf Fapstronaut

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    Can relate, but it seems to me that that's just how thing are...
    I mean, old friendships were built on old common grounds that either don't exist anymore or are just not relevant.
    It's very hard to revive an old (especially long distance) friendship, you have to "update" it to a new common ground or interest; just remembering old times usually isn't enough.
     
  9. Rahab

    Rahab Fapstronaut

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    I made similar experiences. I had a friend I know for 10 years and we talked a lot. But at the end she took distance from me because of friends who don't like me. She wanted to stay cooler with them. After I looked through it I were at odds with her. And meanwhile she acts like she won't know me.
    If they don't respond - and if this happens often - forget them. If they had interest to hang out with you they would respond.
     
  10. A_glass1900

    A_glass1900 Fapstronaut

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    Is it possible to lose a close friend, all because of friends Disliking you and she maybe thinks your disinteresting?
     
  11. A_glass1900

    A_glass1900 Fapstronaut

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    That’s true. but I have a close friend I still talk to. I usually message him first periodically. And he’s very opened and interested to responding back to me.
     

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