I think I'm pretty addicted to porn

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by AgnosticBuddha, Nov 10, 2014.

  1. AgnosticBuddha

    AgnosticBuddha Fapstronaut

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    I think I'm pretty addicted to porn.

    Whenever I switch it on I get a rock hard erection and there is a lot of cum when I masturbate, more than when I masturbate without any porn stimulation.

    I go to dance parties and clubs a lot and I dance and grind with girls, but I never really get that hard, not like did at high school dances back in the day.

    The other night I was at a club and I was making out with a girl on a couch, it was super hot, she was on my lap and biting my lips kissing and stuff. It was super sexy, I should've had a raging boner but I didn't.

    It's really frustrating, I'm 22 years old now and I'm still technically a virgin, I've had girls in bed and everything but I can never really get it up. I usually blame it on alcohol, but I know that's not the truth, I hadn't had that much to drink.

    My penis seems to be turned by porn now, not real women.

    I'm down for casual sex, I don't have any qualms about chastity, I was raised Mormon with strict rules on sexuality but I've come to the conclusion that that isn't for me.

    So here I am still young, ready to have fun and explore, but stupidly, I'm wired to porn. I've been on this site for 6 months but I still have my addiction. I'm thinking about checking offline for some time, see if that helps.

    If you have any tips, let me know.
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2014
  2. hope96

    hope96 Fapstronaut

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    Go ahead, start a journal at the relevant categories, get an accountability partner. let the rebooting journey begin! :)
     
  3. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    Well, that seems like the usual desensitization many porn addicts experience. Maybe your strict Mormon upraisal wasn't all bad, after all.

    But seriously, you didn't tell us the most important part - what have you been doing for those 6 months? If you want tips on succeeding, you first have to tell us about your failures.
     
  4. AgnosticBuddha

    AgnosticBuddha Fapstronaut

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    I fail about once or twice a week, without porn usually. Last month or so I got two weeks down, that was the best I've done in years.

    My urges usually come at night when I can't sleep, I'll toss and turn thinking about life and inevitably sex. I'll get out of bed to get to my computer, I'll be shaking from anticipation and my heart thumping through my chest.

    But usually I jerk off in the bathroom, no porn, getting ready for bed.

    I might just focus on not using porn and not beat myself up for masturbating occasionally if it's just a few times a month, I dunno.
     
  5. Jameswsamuel

    Jameswsamuel New Fapstronaut

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    Oh!Freind,I have just join this forum and known about your experience! I'm pretty pathetic about your sufferings.First of all,the most important thing you should is to check offline.You must be on high alert for any time and avoid to fix your eyes on any porn images,words and relevant anything leading your cock hard.Are you a christian?If you are ,it seems to be a little bit easy to help you abstain from masturbation.I am also abstain from masturbating ( Although it hasn't yet been up to my expectation)but I definately have graasped some skills from both tradditional ways such as religion ,medicine and science.I am so willing to share more personal experience with you.Please add me to your friend list in this forum
     
  6. AgnosticBuddha

    AgnosticBuddha Fapstronaut

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    I don't really consider myself christian anymore. I would like to get into Eastern thinking and religion though
     
  7. Lucca

    Lucca Fapstronaut

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    I think you can do this, man. But remember that sex has a purpose beyond porn and fun. Don't try to quit for the wrong reasons or you won't be able to quit. I think you have to take your mind of sex entirely and pursue something else, because a loving relationship will come when it's supposed to - and even if you don't think you want a loving relationship, you will. Sex becomes empty when there is nothing behind it - as empty as porn. Theres nothing wrong with being a virgin at 22, many people who aren't wish they had waited for someone worthwhile. Porn will make you see women as objects rather than people - and when you view a woman as an object, you'll be tempted to use her as an object rather than respect her as a human being. Sorry if that sounds preachy, you can take that or leave it, but I believe it to my core to be true. I wish you the best of luck.
     
  8. AgnosticBuddha

    AgnosticBuddha Fapstronaut

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    You don't sounds preachy Lucca, you're fine. What you're talking about is something I think I about occasionally, if a purely monogamous lifestyle, sex with one person ever, is ever something I truly ever wanted, or if it's just something I was taught as a kid.

    I mean I still have that opportunity to marry one woman and only have sex with her.

    I can't tell if my sexual interest in multiple partners is because of porn or just part of growing up for me. I could go with the line of thought of romping around and satisfying my appetite for variety then settle down for one woman. I don't know, trying to go by my heart but I can't tell what's what right now.
     
  9. AgnosticBuddha

    AgnosticBuddha Fapstronaut

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    Also I met that girl from the night club again last night, we made out and stuff again and we exchanged phone numbers.

    She asked me if I was a virgin and I felt so lame saying yes.

    I feel like such a square. I hate how inexperienced I am. It feels awful, I feel behind.

    I've been feeling very sad today, I hate that I'm still a virgin that I let myself get addicted to porn that I've developed a relationship with something not real.
     
  10. XQJ-37

    XQJ-37 Fapstronaut

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    I’m old enough to be your Dad, so don’t take this the wrong way. Don’t be up set that your still a virgin and it’s way cool that you told the truth to that girl because if she doesn’t like it she’s just showing her ignorant attitude towards sex which is probably not what you need right now. It’s a hard job rewiring the brain from porn, especially if your young with porn being your only sexual fantasy bank. Us older guys are bouncing back faster than you young guys because we had real world hardwiring when we were younger.

    The main objective is to get excited by real women rather than pixels on a screen. I wouldn’t worry about marriage and all that stuff at this stage, the main game is teaching your brain how to respond to that hot chick on your lap. When you get that under control, love and all the great stuff that goes with it will fall into place. In a way, it’s a good way to start having sex with women because right from the go get you will have deeper understanding of what it means to make love with a women and not the objectified image that porn provides.

    I also wouldn’t worry to much about wanking in the bathroom because it’s just you, your dick and your mind thinking about that hot chick with great tits and a cute smile who served you lunch the other day, that’s a real world memory and not a porn image and don’t confuse the two. Just concentrate on not looking at porn and you’ll be fine. I also suggest you read the stuff on the YBOP website.

    What your trying to do is be in the present moment with women and respond to her and not some image your head which is what Eastern philosophy is all about, living in the present moment. You’ll be fine kiddo and before you know it you’ll have a live one in your bed and it will work out just like it’s supposed to be when you start, all fumbles ‘n stuff and your biggest problem will be figuring out how unclasp her bra while she’s lying down.:)
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2014
  11. Finalfight123

    Finalfight123 Fapstronaut

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    Honestly dude don't feel bad about being a virgin. You can either give it up to a girl you have little or no attraction to or wait for a girl you genuinely and truly like. Its your choice but I'd wait. And girls tend to be nice about it. But you shouldn't feel bad I mean guys who have like 20 or 30 sometimes get herpes and I know you wouldn't trade your life for that. Remember everything your doing is new its the first time you've done it.

    But if you like this girl then go for it. Congratz at getting a make out and her number I hope it works out. I've got something in the works as well so I hope it goes well for both of us.

    But forget everything thats happened forget the goals forget the days. Just focus on what you have ahead of you and how much your going to achieve
     
  12. AgnosticBuddha

    AgnosticBuddha Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much for posting, this really fits in with the way I'm thinking right now. I really do want to live in the moment, I know it'll take some time to train myself but I'm willing to be patient.

    Porn avoidance and contact with real girls are my main goals right now.
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2014
  13. AgnosticBuddha

    AgnosticBuddha Fapstronaut

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    Also I want to let you guys know that I've been feeling much better. I felt better even later that day I wrote that post on Sunday.

    The girl texted me that evening and we've been talking since. It looks we are going to do something tomorrow, probably dinner.

    I was worried we wouldn't have anything in common and have nothing to talk about but it turns out we do. She's ex-Mormon like I am so we both share that perspective. Also I felt really dorky telling her that one of my main hobbies is drawing but she seemed really impressed and wanted to see my stuff.

    Anyways I'm determined not to hinge my happiness on her either, I'm trying to be cool with whatever happens. I am interested in getting to know her better in contrast to the lustful manner we met. Even if we never fuck, even if I find her at the club grinding up on some other dude.

    Good sign though at the club on Saturday night though a guy approached her on the dance floor, after a bit she exchanged a few words with him and pointed to me, I couldn't hear what she said but I'm pretty sure it was something along the lines of "I'm with him." I then got to feel like a bad ass putting my arm around her as the guy walked off.

    Anyways about the virginity thing, I still haven't decided quite yet about it. Pretty sure I'm just gonna do whatever feels right in the moment, listening to my heart, not my dick.

    I wish I could explain to people how close I've come to sex, like really close, multiple times, like I can't count the amount of times with one hand. But it sounds so lame to explain how I suffer from Porn induced ED. Probably just best to avoid the subject, too sensitive.

    Anyways I haven't felt this sexually desired in long time if not ever, it's doing a lot for my confidence, reassuring me that women out there find me damn attractive. I don't find myself tempted by porn as much, or even by soft-core images you see all the time. I don't have that mindset of "ah fuck, no girl out there likes me anyways, mind as well jerk off to porn."
     
  14. AgnosticBuddha

    AgnosticBuddha Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your words as well Finalfight123.

    I like your counter, how it differentiates from porn and masturbating. I think I might adopt that for myself.
     
  15. Lucca

    Lucca Fapstronaut

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    Again not to try to sound preachy, I'm just voicing my opinion - I'm going to respectfully disagree with XQJ-37's advise on that - While I agree you shouldn't beat yourself up over it, I think fantasizing is about as bad as porn if not worse, because fantasizing is still objectifying women - its basically porn in your mind, except those girls haven't given you any permission to think about them that way. Its ok to appreciate a woman's beauty, but I think it becomes bad when you start to use her. I also don't think that "practicing" until you feel like settling down is a very realistic idea, even though it sounds good. Sex is supposed to do a few things, its supposed to make babies, unite the couple (really important), and feel good. I think the problem with the thought that you can just mess around until you feel like settling down is that sex loses its couple bonding ability after you've done it with alot of different girls. If you get sexually involved, chances are either you or the girl you are with are going to get emotionally involved even if you say you aren't - that leads to hurt or indifference when its all over, not love. The more you sleep around, the more easily that bond that ties a couple together in sex is broken, which leads to my main point. - It will make it a lot more difficult to settle down with one woman when you have become so practiced in breaking that emotional bond with every other woman you have been with. I've heard it compared with a bandaid, when you stick a bandaid to your skin it sticks pretty well, but each time you take the bandaid off and put it back on again, it loses its stick, until eventually, it doesn't stick to anything anymore. Thats really bad for anyone who wants a lasting marriage. On the flip side, it would be infinately better for a person's marriage if they save them self for that one person. That I think is the biggest argument for chastity. What do you think would be better, sex with someone you love or sex with someone you could care less about?
     
  16. Lucca

    Lucca Fapstronaut

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    I think you've got a pretty healthy mindset man, just keep fighting. I think the fact that you want to get to know this girl for who she is is pretty awesome.
     

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