I thought I was the exception

Living close to the edge for years didn't seem to change my underlying philosophy of life: I'm an exception.

Months, years, and decades went by, and though my MO was always the "exception clause," (my porn use doesn't have any control on me), it continued to be the fix I'd eventually go back to. As my usage went up, it affected my inward and outward perceptions of the world, my loved ones, and my own personal view.

Inwardly, my 'hidden vice' showed up in a life shrouded by fear, insecurity, anxiety, major depression, anger and addiction to other substances to help corral my out of control life. Sadly, I ended up in a mental health unit to treat MDD and anxiety after three failed (thankfully) attempts to end my life.

Outwardly, my silent lust of women and porn usage ended being discovered. It was as if the python handler had lost control of the venomous snake. I lost my marriage, the respect of my children, my career, my finances and home. Why? I'd say it (though simplistically), I thought I was the exception.

Now I'm here. My belief that my initial view of porn (magazines) would be long behind me, has been that menacing demon throughout decades of life.

So I've reactivated a 'well-intention' start from a few years back to the mind set that it is never to late to join others on this arduous journey.

I'm glad to be here, and look forward to being a part of this community. I know I cannot reboot my life by myself.

Thank-you, my friends!