I thought I'd re-post this here aswell

an OP from under 20.

Good god almighty, when they say distractions help control the urges, they oughta mind the sort of distractions they're referring to, because financial future and career stress just makes you feel a whole different sort of PMO urge that only results in the burning desire to "unload" that "baggage". (now that's quite the tl;dr for ya).............

A year or so back, when my only concern for ridding myself of this nasty habit was a relationship gone sour I found it easier to concentrate on bettering myself. I told myself what it was for, why I was putting myself through this, what my efforts will yield, what my suffering will give me, what my testosterone will manifest for me. I saw my future in my head... People that love me for me when my testosterone helps me exhibit my confidence alongside my natural sense of humour and intelligence. Not when overfrequent masturbation turns me into a mumbling, self-effacing, shell of myself. I kept that belief alive and with that I completed my first honest to goodness reboot. 90 days of virtually no masturbation [save some primal edging :/] I felt accomplished and... and.... uhh... a-accomplished, that was all I felt... all of the pain, all of the resistance, all of the sweat (literally and figuratively) amounted to an internal "yay, good for youuuuu..." It was like a flame fed by a gallon of gasoline, a strong unapproachable blaze that lasted shorter than the effort required. My newfound self felt invincible until I realized I was still me....

That is my crippling problem, even if I make a superb achievement to some, and they congratulate me to a point of high emotional elation, the realization that no physical part of me has tangibly changed hits me swifter than a football to the side of the head...

To elaborate on my first paragraph... times have changed since the days of "noooooo! my girlfriend of 2 years cheated on me without telling me 4 months afterwards. I know, I'll use this gym class in HS to my disposal, burn some calories, body fat, and anger. All while earning a great mark, how delightfully fuckin' quaint." I went from 210 lbs to 157 lbs, in 2 school years, nooice rooight? (btw 5'8" if you were ponderous)

Now I'm turning 20 in 2 months, am now back up to 175-185 lbs and I'm finished college in late April and entering the job networking system with little to no previous job navigation experience or any knowledge of what exactly makes me a viable candidate above the many men before, beside, and/or ahead of me. (Don't worry about the course/profession). I have never felt so cornered, skittish/flighty, stressed; but yet forced to not only stand my ground but trudge forward through this unrelenting emotional gale.

It's so hard to stay on this ball too...