I thought things were getting better, but we both took our rings off and called it quits tonight:(

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by hopingmyheartcanbereapired, Feb 16, 2018.

  1. I love him and trusted him with my heart for almost 18 years, I’m tired of feeling rejected and unworthy. When All his sexual energy was directly towards “fake” sex and intemency, I was left alone. I gave him 6 beautiful babies, and Always got back to “pre-baby body”, by dieting and working out hard. I needed Love, sex and intimacy, but he was too wrapped up in his Pretend world to even realize I had needs. I thought things were getting better after he confessed March 2017, until more lies surfaced throughout this entire year. I think we are done and it sucks. We have 6 babies and a business together, so many ties. We are sleeping apart tonight. We have had some council, but I don’t feel like it’s been that helpful. I have asked him to be a part of this forum and follow through with our plan for journaling. I’m not sure what else to do?? I wanna throw up, that I’ve wasted so much of my time, heart, youth, and body for someone that doesn’t give 2 shits about me.
     
    Trappist likes this.
  2. What you've wrote is just so hearbreaking. Of course you have needs for love and affection, and you did a great job so far. I hope you'll find strenght to protect yourself and children, and I hope your husband will have a change of heart. I'll pray for your family.

    I don't know your situation in detail, but geting seperate for a while could sober him up.
     
  3. Loveless

    Loveless Fapstronaut

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    I am so sorry. He needs to realize that lying and hurting you isn't an acceptable or sustainable part of having a meaningful relationship with you. I hope he comes to that realization soon. Until then, my heart goes out to you and your children. You don't deserve this.
     
  4. @hopingmyheartcanbereapired is a beautiful name you’ve chosen along with the iris flower. I heard today that Hemingway once noted that life breaks everyone of us, but that those who chose to heal, become stronger at the break.
    I’m a little green on how to repost to specific comments. But thank y’all so much for the love. I know the right doors will be opened and closed, I just have to listen and take action. And Hemingway quote was perfect, thank u @Trappist
     
    Trappist and TryingHard2Change like this.
  5. I too have 6 kids .. married for 21 years .. we are 8.5 months after DDay and our marriage is still -- I don't know..we hit the pause button on DDay and are still trying to figure things out.

    If your husband is on NoFap .. and if he is open to talking / PMing on NoFap -- I would love to reach out to him.

    For you: this forum is full of hurting people who are helping each other each step of this recovery process -- recovering individually first, and then [?hopefully?] as a couple.

    Hang in there..and welcome.
     
  6. Lonewolfpt

    Lonewolfpt Fapstronaut

    I guess i am too young to understand the amout of effort that you have putten in your relationship all those years.

    But you are not alone in that matter. Above everything value yourself as an human being with weaknesses and strenghts and trust in God.
     
  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I am so sorry to hear this. Has he stopped the PMO? Does he want to recover? It is very hard to recover from the betrayal, the PMO is one thing, but the betrayal a much harder recovery and it can only be done if he is fully committed to it. But it can be done, there are couples on here that show that recovery is possible. Just take some time to think. Do you want to make this work? Is he willing to change? Can you ever truly forgive him? What is best for your children? Set your boundaries and take care of yourself. You are an amazing woman and Mother, you deserve happiness.
     
  8. ^^^^^^^^ This!!
     
  9. self healing

    self healing Fapstronaut

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    You both took off your rings and say it's over, but you also say you don't know what else to do. Is your husband willing to take responsibility for his actions? Will he come on the forum? He should also check out Your Brain on Porn to understand what limited science there is behind porn addiction. My husband and I went to a highly regarded marriage therapist about five years ago. My husband mentioned his porn use, and the therapist said it's not a problem. The therapist did no probing, and I knew nothing about PIED at the time. If you try a therapist again, please ask before making the appointment for their knowledge and beliefs about porn use/addiction because most therapists know nothing about it, but will have no problem taking your money and wasting your time.
     

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