I use porn to hide my loneliness. What do I do?

Some friendly advice? Don't beat yourself up. It's great that you've begun your journey. You do deserve a relationship - you need to understand that. In my own experience with porn - and I am sure with others too -- porn is a fantasy and separates us from real intimacy. You put women on a pedestal because as you've said, you've never had a relationship - except through porn. Women are "people," like you and me - but you already know this. Take some time to get to know yourself first. If you want to meet women socially - and I stress socially - go to a local coffee shop, library, or some similar place and practice just saying hello. Doesn't have to be anything fancy at first. Go slow. Be yourself. Don't put yourself - or the other person - under any stress. As you gain confidence, slowly move into conversation - just conversation for its own sake - with no thoughts of dating or relationships. Hopefully, along with staying away from porn - which I am also struggling with - this will help you. Hope this works for you.

 

Man, I used to be the same way with using porn as a shield, as well as my various insecurities. All I can say is that this whole journey is through the mind's willpower to say NO!! to that dangerous urge

 

First of all, porn is not the underlying problem; it's only a symptom of the real issues that you're dealing with. For me, it's a list of stressful events and experiences (both internally and externally) that I'm forced to endure each day. Some of them are family responsibilities and a life long illness. Having said that, my life around porn addition is more of an escape than anything else.

For you however, you must find the real problems in your life that is causing you to feel the way you do, and thus, creating your addition. I've realized that for the longest time I was forced to take on family responsibilities that I never wanted, and that being confident and happy (hopefully) would be to move out and start my own life. Once you find out what's making you unhappy, you'll start to make real changes.

I was never truly happy. As of now, I'm still the same even though I've earned my college degree and hopefully a full time job. What helped me the most with women was working in a library. Most of my coworkers were female both young and old. Just think of talking to girls is like talking to older women. Do you go to church or college? Join a club or simply volunteer at your place of worship, and just start talking to people in general. In addition, find something you like to keep you busy. For me, public speaking and horticulture are a good mix.

If you keep having the mindset of being able to talk to women more confidentially, chances are is that it will happen. You just have to give it time. It took me 10 years to be more confident in myself in everything that I do, including being around women. If I can do it, I'm sure you can too. Hope this helps.

 

Even though women appear perfect and we tell them that they are... they are not. They have problems like you, and I, and the rest of us here. (Maybe not so much PMO, but other things)
I suggested not worrying about a girlfriend until you gain some confidence and get to a peaceful place in your life. At least that's what I am personally doing.
Focus on taking your journey one day at a time and try learning something positive and new about yourself everyday.

 

If you think you are under deserving of a relationship you're wrong in my opinion, everyone deserves a partner and I can tell you deserve happiness just being here because you want to gain more confidence. We know you have self esteem issues to combat this you need to take one step at a time, if you gain more confidence and recognise your self worth then things will start to fall into place and you're habit with porn would most likely decrease aswell.

What I recommend is you grab a piece of paper and rate your fears/insecurities from maybe 1 to to 10? Just putting your worries on a piece of paper will help you decide what is the best course of action to make you feeling a bit more confident. If you need help you can always ask me/family members/friends for support. Good Luck!