I used to have a PMO addiction... But I'm not sure that if I'm denying my sexual orientation...

I started porn at an early age... And before porn i already had feelings for women, i still remembered my first crush now she's married lol, after discovering porn i couldn't see women the same way again... I got bored from straight porn then watching all the categories to seek a new dopamine released...

I got a heavy addiction into transwoman porn and trap hentai manga... After i realized how fuck up my life is, after i discovered nofap i had decided to cut off porn completely... To reduce social anxiety, major depressive and low self-esteem


After years of doing nofap I regained half of the confidence and also reduced social anxiety i finally got a job... Then one day... One incident changed my whole life completely from difficult to complete hell...

After a couple of years I started to notice that I couldn't get hard erect from straight porn fantasizing... Also my attraction towards women slowly fades... Then i started creating a feminine guy from hentai manga i used to watch then i got a really strong erection... I just brushed it off and thought it was just my porn addiction fetishes... Then after days i started to ask myself whether i was already like it or just fetishes... Then I started to remember i used to watch gays cartoon porn, and actual porn during the addiction periods... I didn't enjoy it really much like transwoman porn...

At age 21... I'm in college and working part time from 12 to 6 pm... Sometimes I stayed late until 9 to finish the task... I'm overwhelmed and stressed i literally sleep like 5 hours everyday because when i come home,i have to do the assignment etc...

It's fucking exhausting everytime i having the compulsion and urges, i got extremely distressed i couldn't do anything... I just wanna accept myself as gay, or go hook up with a make prostitute let's see how much i fucking like it... Life hasn't defeated me physically but mentally destroyed.

I'm tired man... I couldn't deal with the fantasy that caused from random triggered... If i saw a feminine guy i would imagine him in porn like literally all pornography....

I'm just fucking exhausted

 

In the paragraph i said after couple years of doing nofap, which mean this women attraction start to fading... It happened after 2 year of nofap