I want to ask out this girl

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by sten14, Feb 9, 2019.

  1. sten14

    sten14 Fapstronaut

    Well, I wouldn't say I have accepted that it is a 'non-starter'. Nor am I heavily investing myself in the outcome that I want. However, I do think there is some interest on her part and that perhaps I am more than just the regular customer guy that she likes to talk with.

    You see, I was in there today having coffee and got to talking to her briefly. Mentioned it is my Dad's birthday tomorrow etc and she asked me to let him know that she said happy birthday. Which may seem a general nicety, but in my opinion it is really sweet of her. I mentioned what I had got him, and that we were going to play golf etc etc. The other part of the conversation, and as I have said before this seems to come up each time we talk is that she asked when I would be in at the cafe next. I said most likely on Thursday, and she went through and said that she would be working, and let me know her days of work for the rest of the week and that she was off over the weekend. I said I would be sure to come in on Thursday then to which she replied "Great. I look forward to it".

    Now, to the rest of you playing along at home, that might seem like nothing. A nicety again, but I put some weight into that comment alone. To me I take that as she is looking forward to, and is happy to see me, and perhaps glad to know I will be in on that day, which in of itself is showing some interest.
    Starseeker likes this.
  2. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

    There are some experiences in Life we just have to go through ourselves. Even with good advice and all the preperation we can do, certain things are still different if we experience them first hand.

    However this ends, all the best, sten14
    sten14 and kruznick like this.
  3. Starseeker

    Starseeker Fapstronaut

    I'm going to throw my inexperienced 2 cents as someone who's kinda been through what you been through (and who has the same reservations relationship wise)

    So first things first, she may or may not be interested in you. But the question is interested for what reason? Maybe she thinks of you as an awesome friend she gets to hang around with while she works and not exactly as boyfriend material. Maybe she wanted to go to coffee platonically, but the minute you asked for the number she went "Ohh... this dude thinks I want to be his gf" and whilst she rejected your advances, she didn't reject your friendship (this actually does happen)

    OR, Maybe she actually is interested in you in a romantic sense BUT like you she's not ready to be emotionally vulnerable so she still needs her time and space to process whether she should go for it or not. Either way you'll end up wrecking your brain for months trying to decode all the little signs and behaviors without going anywhere relationship wise (Now this I did and needless to say it was maddening with all the mixed signals)
    Well, that's unless you do 1 of two things:
    A) Approach her suicide mode where you go like "look, I like you and want you as more than a friend but I can't figure out if you like that way too. Girl do you even want to date me or we should stay friends?". Basically ask in such a way that there's no doubt about your status
    B) Just let it go. All the signals, all the emotional investment, all the times you felt like there was something more just throw it all away into the wind and friendzone, no, sisterzone that chick. If she really likes you romantically, she'll do all she can to fight herself out of that category (This is basically what I did, but trust me truly letting go is the most zen feeling you can get man). Buuut, if you think you can pull of an (A) if you haven't already then by all means go ahead. Just don't waste 6 months trying to decode every mixed signal you get
    sten14 likes this.
  4. sten14

    sten14 Fapstronaut


    Good post.

    Well that could be the case that when I asked for her number she realised I meant more, as in angling towards getting to know her for relationship purposes, and she was put off by it. However, I was simply asking for her number as a means so we had a way of arranging said coffee on a particular day. Otherwise saying yes, and then trying to work out a day we are both available is kind of tricky. That was my reason for asking. I even mentioned as such to her that is why I was asking.

    I am not letting my brain flip on it, this is the most calm I have ever been about something like this. Yes, I have had moments, and at times I still do. But for the most part I just ignore it now. I have played all my cards and it is well and truly on her now to make the next move. I definitely wouldn't go with point A suicide approach haha. I am more angling towards B and letting it go.

    I still go in for coffee there regularly, and each time I am in there if she is on we talk or she comes up to talk with me, and she always brings it up herself with asking when I will be in next, and letting me know when she is going to be working. It is a minor thing yes, but I do think she does enjoy seeing me. If she does, and the question is why? Then, I don't know, that is on her now, as I said. I have asked, given my number, the ball is no longer in my court. I go in, be myself, don't act any different and have my coffee.

    So yep.
  5. zinger97

    zinger97 Fapstronaut

    I say just shoot your shot and see what happens! It might be awkward if it doesn't go so perfectly, but hey, live some learn some!

    The worst that can happen is that she says no, it's awkward for a little while, then everything will go back to normal. At that point, you won't have the regret of not trying at all.
  6. MasterGamer

    MasterGamer Fapstronaut

    What happened bro? Did you finally ask her out?

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