I want to change but how??

I am no expert, so take all this (and anyhing else you see on this forum, really) with a grain of salt.

Your counter is at 500+ days. If that is correct, then you are well on your path. If not, then I have to ask...your profile shows you have been a member since 2015. What have you tried? If you have been in a cycle of reset/relapse every few days, then you need to try something you have not done before.

You have to find a motivation. For me, it was several things: understanding how I was impacting my relationship with my SO, the realization that I did not want to support an industry that promoted human trafficking and objectification of women, and who I was becoming was not who I wanted to be.

It might help to create a mental image of who you want to be a month from now (or 6 months or a year). Then focus on that instead of any counters. It is easy to become obsessive about what we focus on, so focus on the future. Focusing on the counters will never allow you to fully break free.

But that will not be enough. You have to be willing to put in the work. For example, you want to meet your friends-set it up; you want to be more physically active-start an exercise program. Do the things necessary to become who you want to be.

You also need to understand your triggers and have a strategy to deal when they pop up, be it cold showers, affirmations, exercise, or something else. For me, I find praying the Our Father helpful. The phrase "lead us not into temptation" calms me and pulls me away from the trigger. You do what works for you.

I wish you well in your efforts.

 

Men without purpose dive into pleasure in the hopes of forgetting that fact. As I stress time and time again, the brain enjoys what's it doing unless it's outright dying. It doesn't matter if the activity in question is helpful or harmful, the brain doesn't discriminate. It's up to the individual to decide to get in the groove of repeating behaviors that generate successful feelings and results. So here's something that might help you:

At the close of every day, I want you to take a pen and paper and answer the following questions:

-How did I grow today?

-How did I contribute today?

I don't care if it's as mundane as doing twenty pushups and waving at your neighbor, answer these questions every night without exception and you will find the kernel that generates the ultimate question. No exceptions, no excuses. You have permission to change your life for the better, forever.

 

Hey man, it's imperative that you get out of the house. Not only will it keep you from thinking sexual thoughts but the socialization often has a positive effect.
For me, the first few times during quarantine that I would be out of my house and I was meeting people, I was a bumbling mess. But it got a lot better really quickly. Especially if you go outside everyday for a few hours.

 

Proud of you dude! You can do it once, you can do it an infinite amount of times- recognize the success and feel the rush!

 

Almost every Fapstronaut has to go through this, you're not alone.

 

Hi Shaun
You are like everyone I think, we take a step backwards even when we've gone forwards. You're just normal like us all. We are not perfect.
It's good to take exercise, go walking or do sport, this makes us feel better and you get tired in a good way.
Take care of yourself!

 

When the urge comes, the first thing I do is tell that voice no. This will trigger a reaction of pain and lack and a sort of black hole opens itself up. I then take a deep breath and ask myself how I can fill that fill that hole from the point of view of the man I want to be. So for instance I would go for a walk, do some breath work or just take a nap. Ultimately the urges are just thoughts and do force you to take action, but if just let them linger in your mind or try to avoid with willpower they will overpower eventually; so find a way to fill the void intrinsically and not outside of yourself. this video helped me understand this concept.

 

What's the saying? "The journey of a thousand miles starts with the first steps". You've realized you've hit the bottom, now it's time to baby step your way to the top: Focus on your health, your mental, spiritual and physical health. Start slow, with small changes-- incorporate healthier foods on a daily basis, catch your self-putdowns in conversations before the come out, take short walks that become longer and longer, read good books, take 2-3 minutes a day to meditate and pray, hang out with people you respect and that respect you.Find a support group like SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) or a Porn Addicts Anonymous Group (don't know if they exist, but worth trying)-- find other people! You need them and they need you. They will help you break your chain of isolation and shame that keeps this addiction going.

It doesn't happen overnight, but these small changes add up and gain momentum and before you know it, you've changed from the inside out.

I really like Swift Escape's post, men with no purpose indulge to forget they have no purpose. That was me, is still me in many respects (haven't quite figured out what I want to do when I grow up and I'm 40) but with help from myself and other people, and God, I'm changing that for the better. I will find it. So aim towards purpose, take responsibility whatever that may look like for you. Even though I don't know you, I know you possess great strength that is driving your search here to be better. Keep using that to break free upwards and outwards. God bless.