I want to change. Really.

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Hachiraya, Dec 25, 2020.

  1. Hachiraya

    Hachiraya Fapstronaut

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    I don't know why am I posting this.
    I'm drunk, yes.. I'm sad, yes.
    I've been an asshole to people for long enough. I can't do it no more. I want to be nicer, I want to be just more of myself. My mom always tells me how I used to be an actually nice kid. Not that I'm not one now, it's just that... I'm an asshole. I want to be done and DONE AGAIN WITH IT!
    I hate myself for being rude to someone, even if it's just humor.
    I want to be nice again. I know I can be genuienly nice. Not the nice guy, but a nice human being. I used to be one, so I want to be one again. I feel like I could be like Keanu Reeves, you know. Sounds silly, but I just know I can become one.
    Please.. Pray for me. I want to be nice again, just an human being full of love, no hate within me.
    I was an asshole to this girl I really like... She is just such a sweetheart ... And who am I? Just an pathetic asshole. Yes, I'm putting things the way they should be put - I'm taking the real look. I want to be softer, nicer and overall better. Fuck this boyish bullshit.
    If I have to fight, I will - sure. But I don't want to be rude... Please tell me, how to get it out of me? I want to change really bad!
    Thank you for reading my drunk post. I feel bad cause I wrote this while drunk and I'm just bothering you guys with stupid bullshit... Sorry. Have a nice day!
     
    Mauritius likes this.
  2. Hachiraya

    Hachiraya Fapstronaut

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    I did apoligize to this girl... She might be turned off by it, but I'm not living to just attract everyone.
     
  3. Mauritius

    Mauritius Fapstronaut

    Relax and have a good sleep bro, things will be fine. You can change, don't put too much pressure on yourself. You are a good guy, enjoy Christmas.
    Cheers.
     
    Enulv likes this.
  4. Hachiraya

    Hachiraya Fapstronaut

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    I know, man. I know. Not too much pressure is put on myself - I'm sure about it. It's just that... I really realized it so quick and now I can't wait for another day to become better.
     
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  5. Mauritius

    Mauritius Fapstronaut

    Yes man, one day at a time.
     
    Enulv likes this.
  6. En?gma

    En?gma Fapstronaut

    Study some philosophy, your soul need to be calmed down, just like me, i was a kid mind, i still had sense of humor, thing that we don't have to lost, but of course more mature when i am making a dialogue.
     
  7. Hachiraya

    Hachiraya Fapstronaut

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    I think my weak mentality messed me up. I was a really nice kid. School just messed me up a lot. Peer pressure. Can't blame it on them tho, but 6 year old me did not know what "a mentality" is. I didn't know I was changing, I was just too weak to not fit in, to be different.
     
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  8. En?gma

    En?gma Fapstronaut

    The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school
    Bernard Shaw

    Of course, school could be a conquest for some reason, but for some people would be remembered as an hell. Steinerian school is a good example to follow. Education and Etic, cooperation. Not like in normal school, competition, division. Normal school wasn't so bad in Europe at my time, but is going to get fucked soon. Just make your own etic, learn, don't get influenced by no one that you didn't let enter in your consciousness.
    Just exit the Primitive-animal status.
    Saying "i was weak, i'm weak is bad, you are auto punish yourself, instead is better learn from the past, reach a day where you say: "That kid i was, i cannot recognize anymore on itm i learned a lot" because now you are something different, not weak anymore. Just stop that small chatter inside your mind that say you are weak, that you cannot do it, etc...because is not really you. Hope i explained it well...
     
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  9. Sadly, I could relate my told me I'm an asshole and my sister said yes he is. Put I have a question did you had a traumatic past because that's what made me an asshole.
     
  10. Hachiraya

    Hachiraya Fapstronaut

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    I did. Yes.
    I really want to change it, man. I kind of hate myself. I really want to love people, but... I just feel like I'm too bitter for it. It seems so hard for me to just genuienly love someone. I mean, I like some people, and I would love to have something with people like... Relationships.
    Man, I wish I could do something about that trauma. I can't even understand what exactly made me so mad and full of anger. As I'm typing this I'm just getting intense. I sometimes can't sleep because of it.
    Wish I knew what it is.

    I just hope you will get past your trauma, that you can face what you have to face!
     
  11. Hachiraya

    Hachiraya Fapstronaut

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    I don't feel weak now. I really don't. I just feel that past me was weak and he is still within me. There is some sort of trauma within me. I just have to face it, but it seems to be so hard to do so.
     
  12. GripStrength

    GripStrength Fapstronaut

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    Wanting to not be mean for no reason is already a very non-assholic thing to do. So you’re already not being an asshole a little bit. Not wanting to be mean as to spare others is a kind thought and a pure intention. You already aren’t truly a cruel person, so stop acting like it. You’re already a nice person, so act like it.
     
    Mauritius and Learn to fly again like this.

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