Hi dear reader, thank you for your time! I felt like talking to someone and honestly there's no one anymore to listen to me complaining about my psychological drama. I can't force my friends anymore... Poor things... So if you want to listen to someone cry with words, maybe help, maybe get help, here I am! So... I'm 22, I didn't finish high school, I don't have any job, no close friends around, not very healthy relationship with my family, not any other type of relationship. I believe it's day 1 of my reboot, I feel like relapsing anytime although I know I won't find any pleasure in it. My sexual energy is just gone know, I reached that point when you can imagine sexual pleasure but not quite feel it. I'm stone cold. Yet there is a feeling of "you can do it", I just know there is so much more to life than this, why am I still so afraid? Why do I still hurt myself so much? And I'm selfish, I can't quite figure out what to do and I don't have a sincere feeling towards anyone that lasts more than a minute. I can't hug anyone without feeling a block. This is all my making. I now have a bunch of tools to handle my turmoil. I know I have to act outside. Go out into the world and do something! For me, for others. What am I doing? I'm disrespecting my body, I have a lung problem but I don't go to the doctor, I have other things related to my body that I just ignore. I'm smoking weed for days, eating junk food. Not exercising, not meditating, not going outside except to get drugs and money for drugs. I'm messing up my mind and letting my mind mess me up. Emotional rollercoaster. Not feeling alive. If you want to understand something that may explain everything just know I've been in my world of imagination since I was a child and maybe that's why I don't remember too much, because I wasn't there. I know I can do something now, I know the areas I have to take care of. I just don't do it. All these things I said bring me a feeling of shame and worthlessness, I believe I'm not capable of anything. Since I live in my imagination I actually don't live, I just think. And now it feels like I just woke up and I'm 22, I look around and what did I live? How to proceed? I don't have any motivation. I'm just compulsion at this point. There you go. Any words?