I want to kill myself because of my disgusting fetish

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Kijemec101, Jul 23, 2020.

  1. Kijemec101

    Kijemec101 New Fapstronaut

    The through of being a cuckold or getting cheated on disgust me but the fact I get turned on by it makes me feel suicidal. I just hate myself for this and it makes me feel like a pathetic human being. I have girlfriend and love her so much, but the fact I get turned on by the through of her cheating/being a cuck makes feel like a total piece of shit. I don't want to be like this. I googled everywhere but everyone is like it's a normal, tell your partner about it and stuff like this.. and I'm like no! I don't want this, I want to get rid of this fetish because it's destroying me emotionally. Has anyone managed to get rid of cuckold fetish? Is anyone here an ex-cuckolder? I'm legit crying because I'm scared I will be like this forever.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 23, 2020
  2. Killbane

    Killbane Fapstronaut

    Accept your fetish and shift your attention to your goals and other important aspects of your life. It doesn't deserve your attention. By doing this, you will begin to increasingly care less and less about your fetish to the point where the thought of it will barely bother you. There are many things in life you should really pay attention to and your fetish isn't one of them.

    Keyword: "Accept", not "Surrender".
  3. Am I A Guru

    Am I A Guru Fapstronaut

    I feel sorry for you brother. I'm not a cuckold but I can feel that you are really helpless right now. Sadly, I can't give you any advice but I hope you will be able to get rid of your fetish.
  4. Cloudstephen

    Cloudstephen Fapstronaut

    In my perspective, there's a psychological reason why you have that fetish. Perhaps, you should try to explore yourself why you have that.

    "The cuckold fetish turns painful deep-rooted fears of inadequacy and a subconscious sense of inadequacy into sexual pleasure."
    - The Psychology Behind The Cuckold Fetish: How It's Caused, What It Means About You, And How To Change
    The Symbol of Hope likes this.
  5. Bonhart

    Bonhart Fapstronaut

    I said something similar in another post, but I will say it here again.

    What you are describing is a dark side of yourself. We all have dark sides. The key here is to not let that dakside run wildly, however, suppressing it is also not the solution. I encourage you to understand that dark side so that you can tame it properly. Sometimes, outside help is needed. Don't feel shame for acknowledging this side of yourself, we all have darkness inside.
  6. palindromo

    palindromo Fapstronaut

    Hi, do not accept your fetish, did you know a fetish can be created or eliminated? @Kijemec101

    First step start studying why you are addicted to this fetish
    Read many articles in this useful site. Read about how a fetish can be created.

    Second step , Start NoFap , do it for months, no porn , prevent sexual thoughts with mindfulnes/breath exercises

    Overcome the fetish. It is possible.
    The way is simple : when you see a trigger content you have to exercise to hyper rationalize that until you consider it boring. Empathizing with the people involved in the story, people that are insicure and wanted make that fetish reality.
    You should feel bad for them. A normal girl doesn't want to cheat... in the reality it is disgusting

    Until the association fetish > excitement will be replaced with fetish = bad mood.
    You have to repeat this until you feel bad about the fetish. Unable to get aroused.
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2020
  7. Shoot for 90 my brother. Rise to the challenge!
    DyingStar likes this.
  8. DyingStar

    DyingStar Fapstronaut

    A lot of what you said rang true for me too. A large part of the reason I sought out a place like Nofap to begin with was because I'm similar in that femdom/cuckold are my biggest fetishes. You were a bit vague in how your fetish manifested. Was it through watching porn or some traumatizing experience where you got cheated on by an ex? I'm not entirely sure this fetish goes away completely, I've heard of people that have done Nofap (NO PMO) for a little over a year and a half that still had the fetish. But I've also heard the opposite where a few testimonies claimed to have killed their cuckold fetish in a matter of a few months. I think the shame you feel about the fetish exacerbates the arousal that you get from it. In a sense I think you need to come to terms with the fact that it turns you on for the time being, but still keep in mind that this is a problem. Abstaining from PMO and not focusing on these thoughts will bring your mind out of chaos and bring back a sense of homeostasis, meanwhile focus on other goals too that you really want to accomplish. If you're having sex with your girlfriend, you may need to cut out sex for a little bit while you reboot. I personally got to 60 days before, and I can say there's was notable decrease in how much thoughts of the fetishes effected me.

    If you're still constantly entertaining cuckold based pornography, fantasies, erotica, etc cut it out so that your brain can start rewiring back to a more natural state. Even if you're never able to fully kick the fetish to the curb, you'll be amazed how much weaker the voices get the longer you don't listen to them.
  9. Brother, you're profile says you're 16. When I was 16 I thought I was gay. I've done things I wish I wouldn't have done but it's behind me now. First thing is realize that your sexuality will be vastly different (and better) in even a few years time (I know because I'm only 23). The fact that you're on here is a huge step in the right direction (I've only started this a year ago and I wish I would've started at your age!). Get rid of porn in your life, quit masturbating, and do not entertain sexual thoughts just let them come and go. You're not a cuckold so don't tell your gf that you have these thoughts because these thoughts are not who you are! All the best bro.
  10. Kijemec101

    Kijemec101 New Fapstronaut

    I don't know if this changes anything but I am bisexual or idk, I would have sex with a Male but that's it, I don't think I can get feelings for males tho, just like a one night stand. Well for females its different, I would have sex with them and still get feelings.
  11. Kijemec101

    Kijemec101 New Fapstronaut

    Well I did get cheated on by my first girlfriend (and the only girlfriend I have ever had), it was nothing like sexual, more like telling another dude she is single and stuff. I already saw what she had done (it happened during the first weeks of our relationship), but I acted like it was nothing. After a months, the pain was getting bigger, the through of she had cheated on me was destroying me emotionally, so I decided to break up with her. The point is our relationship is a long distance one because I don't think I have the balls to ask a girl eye to eye. Months passed, but the thing she was the only girl person who I was attracted sexually, so I kept mastrubating to porn and thinking that's her with me, but after some time while mastrubating a through of her and the guy she texted back then came to my mind and kept going mastrubating. I kept doing this like its nothing for a few months until I realized there is something wrong with him and I'm disgusting. Tho, now I got back with her because I love her still and just cannot even like other girls and she said she was sorry, we talked and stuff, she was sobbing, you could her pain in her voice while she was apologising, her pain was like someone had stabbed her and I cried as well, it was too emotional for me. So in the end I'm back with her, but there still some through of me, for some years I always had masturbated while thinking the pornstar was a person I know in real life, let's say I used porn to easier my imagination, I'm trying to say with this, maybe I just get turned on by cheating only in porn (I have never masturbated to cuckold porn, at least before I even knew this was a thing) and not in real life.
  12. Kijemec101

    Kijemec101 New Fapstronaut

    Well I think I do know why I have these fetish. There are two things. First of all I'm a virgin and my girlfriend is virgin as well but I am scared that I ain't going to be able to pleasure her aka make her cum. Second of all, I have been bullied through my entire life and I have never had to balls or courage to fight someone. The point is I always think of bad things, what if someone tries to harass her while being with me and knowing how weak I am, i do nothing and I just stand there. I know its quite different because if this happens it would be different because the anger is on the extreme level and probably I wouldn't would back but the fact I had never protected myself from bullying, I never decided to be like you know what fuck you and beat him up, makes scared it would even when I need to protect my girlfriend.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 24, 2020
  13. ThePeakWae

    ThePeakWae Fapstronaut

    The problem is in your Dick´s stimulus, I remembered having this dilemma in first days of fapping as well, like do I wanna have a fantasy of extreme passionful fapping with no restraints, or do I want a more believable thing, it´s like your own brain knows your fantasy is wrong and wants to put a stop on it, on the first days, but eventually the passion takes over and you become a slave to it, I no longer want that and now use compassion to avoid fapping, it works.
  14. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

    Suicide is the ultimate defeat so have faith and dont quit
    Amnedeus likes this.

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