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I want to move out of my parents house

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by superstorm250, Aug 30, 2022.

What's more of a turn off to girls, living at home or in an RV?

  1. Living at home

    10 vote(s)
    62.5%
  2. Living in an RV

    4 vote(s)
    25.0%
  3. They're both equally unattractive

    2 vote(s)
    12.5%
  1. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I'm 29 and I still live at home, it has started to annoy me more and more as I've gotten closer to 30 and I really want to try and move out before I officially turn 30. One of the main reasons why it annoys me is because I feel like its holding me back from truly being independent, and also because I feel like your parents will stay up in your business for as long as you live with them, regardless of your age. Like for me, I can't grab my car keys without them asking where I'm going and when I'll be back and if I leave the house without them noticing, they'll usually start calling or texting to see where I went. I also can't be out in the backyard or in my room for more than 10 minutes before the come to see what I'm doing. I just feel like at this age, we should be able to do what we want without our parents questioning our every move.

    Whenever I talk about moving out, my parents usually laugh it off. But when I talk about it in a way that I want to make that happen in the near future, they immediately switch to trying to talk me out of it, which is pretty annoying. I've also seen this before in TV shows, I remember one episode of the show Everybody Loves Raymond where Robert was talking about moving out of his parents house in front of Frank and Marie and they just laughed it off, but then Ray encouraged him to go ahead and do it, which he did and they both tried to talk him out of it as soon as they saw he was serious about leaving. But the problem is, the cost of living is very high in my area and in addition to that, there's also a housing shortage in my area and that makes rent prices even higher because demand is higher than the available supply. In my area, the cheapest rental that you can find is a small studio apartment (350-400 sq ft) and even that is $1,300-$1,400 a month.

    So lately, I've started revisiting an idea that I had years ago, which is to buy an RV and live in it at an RV park since an RV space runs for about $1,100 a month in my area and its something that I would actually own and not just rent. When I say this, I mean a nicer RV and not some piece of junk so I wanted to maybe save up to pay for half of it up front and get a loan for the second half. I feel like it could be a good idea also because the RV will come fully furnished and equipped with appliances, so that saves me money from having to furnish an apartment. One thing I was also wondering is how that would affect my dating prospects, because I feel like living at home when you're 29 is gonna turn off most girls and I was thinking that living in an RV might not look much better, even though I would be out on my own. What do you guys think, would moving into an RV be a good idea? I also would like to move to a cheaper state one day and having an RV could give me the chance to just live there for awhile to see if its the right place for me before deciding to get a house or apartment in that state.
     
  2. Why not just rent a room from someone on CraigsList? You could probably rent a room for about $700 a month. It would be with strangers, but you would be moved out

    Also, I would maybe reconsider your perspective with this.

    Do you have your own room? Is it quiet where you live with your parents?

    Id maybe try to find great joy in rebooting and also health cultivation. If you can completely quit PMO and also be really healthy, then your parents will take notice and maybe your bond with them can deepen
     
  3. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I’ve already looked into that on Craigslist, its not much cheaper in my area. To just rent a room like you described is $1,200 a month in my area and that’s after extensively searching for that on Craigslist, there’s no rooms for rent that are cheaper where I live. I also noticed a lot of those listings mentioned that they’re only looking for a woman to move in, or they had some pretty strange rules like no having anyone over and absolutely no overnight guests in your room, no alcohol, and I even came across one that actually said cooking yourself any meals is not allowed under any circumstances.

    Well my room is downstairs and my parents are upstairs, so I have the whole first floor to myself after they go to bed. But like I said, they’re always around (especially my dad) so its not like I can have a girl over since I never have the house to myself. And quitting PMO is important, but it really doesn’t make any progress towards me moving out.
     
    100 Days likes this.
  4. For sure... yea I am in a similar situation to you to be honest. I am not living with my parents currently, but I am sharing a one bedroom apartment with my brother. I currently don't make enough money to be able to afford my own apartment.

    There are cheaper Craigslist rooms in my area though... around $800. But I prefer to live with my brother right now anyways and just live in the living room.

    And I know how you feel about not being able to have girls over. I honestly barely ever even try with girls right now. My money situation is not good. I have money in savings, but I mean my actual monthly income from my job. I feel pretty much trapped.

    I did enroll in some classes at this school near me though. My goal is to get a high paying job in the future and escape this hellish lifestyle.

    I really think it is humiliating that I can't get my own place and be able to have sex with a girl on a regular basis. It is very painful and I suffer pretty bad from it sometimes. I was able to get to Day 30 on NoFap, but relapsed one time yesterday from stress. Truly, if I could just have sex with a decently hot girl like once every couple weeks, I think I'd be almost invincible with NoFap.

    I kind of want to start getting a hooker like once a month, but I would have to travel pretty far to where they are for a good price. Also, a lot of risk involved with STD's and stuff like this.

    But, in the end this is my fault anyways. When I was younger I didn't care much about having a career. I was more into philosophy and smoking weed and trying to have fun and hook up with any girl that was willing to have sex, even if I didn't think she was attractive. And now I am dealing with the punishment - no sex, not enough money, pretty much almost no hope haha. Slavery is what it is....

    Anyways, good luck with whatever you decide to do. You are not alone in your struggle with this bulls***. I hope we can both be free someday, living in our own places, and having sex with a girl we like a couple times a week. Good luck to you
     
  5. JoeinUSA

    JoeinUSA Fapstronaut

    After all these years, presumably not paying rent at home, have you at least saved up any money? Of course, you could always share space/costs with a roommate to start out - or the room idea, which should not really cost nearly the amount of an apartment. You can also move a distance away from that prime living space or urban area that's too costly for your income at the moment.
     
    100 Days likes this.
  6. Mazda647

    Mazda647 Fapstronaut

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    Hi @superstorm250

    There are running themes I see across your postings. I've seen these in myself and other people. Basically it's the "Would girls have sex with me if I ____?" mindset. It's not a bad thing to desire sex but we do have to be careful and observe when that desire crosses over to lust. Lust it not good, it cripples us. We have to remember, a woman is more than a sex machine. Just like us, she is a person.

    I just got married in August. Up until marriage, the last time I had sex was about eight years ago (only a hand full of times back then). You might as well have called me a virgin. One thing my wife and I decided was no sex before marriage. Sex is not what I imagined it to be. With my wife I find I have to let go of whatever fantasies porn has placed in my mind. The last thing I want to do is hurt her.

    I believe you should work toward moving out but don't do so until you've built some financial stability. For now focus on getting out to work. It's a very good step to make. We all would love to have the blessings of our families but that does not always happen. As I'm sure you now, your parents are not going to be around forever so it's always good to get out there sooner and form a network of contacts.

    Like anyone else here on NoFap, dealing with the porn business is a high priority.

    For now I would not focus on finding a woman. Feel free to talk about your hopes and dreams for the future when you get out there. You say you are looking to get a job, go to school and move out of your parents. The right lady out there will see that you are doing the work to better your life. You don't need to be perfect at it all, none of us are. With out even trying you'll likely find yourself in a conversation with a nice lady some day.

    One day I said hello to my future wife. We chatted in the hall after church. I sat somewhat close to her at church (left one seat between) and said hello. Went to the same Bible study group as her and we were both able to listen to each other share some about our selves. Eventually she asked me out to coffee. If she didn't, I would have. Obviously what I write here is not a script to follow, Basically I'm saying to start with "Hello" and not think beyond that. Deal with the rest as it comes up.
     
    100 Days likes this.
  7. the “would girls have sex with me if ___” mindset… I smiled as I read this… very true and for myself as well haha

    Great to read your response
     
    Mazda647 likes this.
  8. Nerevar

    Nerevar Fapstronaut

    157
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    "I can't grab my car keys without them asking where I'm going and when I'll be back and if I leave the house without them noticing, they'll usually start calling or texting to see where I went" -> Toxic.
    "I also can't be out in the backyard or in my room for more than 10 minutes before the come to see what I'm doing" -> Very toxic.
    "I just feel like at this age, we should be able to do what we want without our parents questioning our every move." -> Exactly, you are right, your feelings are right.

    "But when I talk about it in a way that I want to make that happen in the near future, they immediately switch to trying to talk me out of it, which is pretty annoying" -> Toxic and manipulating and not wanting the best for you.

    "One thing I was also wondering is how that would affect my dating prospects, because I feel like living at home when you're 29 is gonna turn off most girls and I was thinking that living in an RV might not look much better, even though I would be out on my own" -> Yep, good idea.

    Sounds like your parents are very controlling and manipulating towards you. And that they want to have a man-child rather than an adult who handles himself. Good for you for being a better parent than your parents.

    Just remember, and might as well tell them this when they are playing their power dynamics, that time is on your side, that when you get older you will treat them as they treat you.

    You don't really have to revolt to get your independence, you just have to claim it. You don't have drown the rebellious House Reyne in their own castle to prove yourself.

    But that doesn't mean you shouldn't move out and find your own path.

    And I think giving the relationship with them some space for a while, while learning more about yourself/living different experiences/learning from mistakes/etc and then coming back to the relationship with them might give you a different perspective on things.

    It might consolidate the fact that you don't wish to be that close or desire to figure out how to be closer in some way.
    It is not being a bad kid if you feel like having them play a big role actively in your life actually brings you down / is toxic.
     

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