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I want to quit

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Piaurice, Apr 30, 2016.

  1. Apr 30, 2016 #1
    Piaurice

    Piaurice Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone I'm note sure why I've never posted on a forum before but here it goes..

    I've been watching porn since I was about 13, and now I'm 26 and can't figure out how to control myself, I'm in a happy relationship but that doesn't seem enough for me... Looking at porn and fantasising just comes naturally to me.. when I stop watching porn after a while I start fantasising about meeting people for sex and even sucking cock myself which is against my beliefs.. I'm 100% straight but the only porn I watch is fake college amateur stuff and I always focus on the blowjobs and nothing else.. this has made me fantasise about giving blowjobs myself.. I'm stuck in a vicious circle.. I can go for about a week without masturbating (as I work all week and my gf is at home afterwards) but then I start fantasising and loosing concentration which leads me to think I might as well masturbate to put an end to the agravation and then I just feel worse afterwards (lose self confidence, feel like I'm not a good enough boyfriend, somethings wrong with me etc)
    I've looked into therapy but it's hard as I work all week and in a relationship, I'm not sure what type of therapy I'd need, CBT or someone who's specialised in porn addiction.. I've tried Meditation which seems to help me calm my mind and my thoughts but I always find time to watch porn.. I can stop smoking weed and cigarettes but this just seems out of my control... I've recently read up about dopamine addiction and realised that I am an introvert which have both opened my mind but not helped the addiction. I can feel the chemicals running round in my brain as i start to fantasise.. I find myself bored quite a lot but I can't interest myself.. It's been hard for me to explain myself here and I thank you for reading it. I really want to live a porn free life more than anything..
     
    Piaurice, Apr 30, 2016
    Piaurice, Apr 30, 2016
    #1
    Jodokus likes this.
  2. Apr 30, 2016 #2
    Piaurice

    Piaurice Fapstronaut

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    This morning I woke up from a wet dream (not sure if this is normal or what) and the first thing I had to do was to release.. there was no time to convince myself not to, I just got up put the porn on and away we go.. I wish I could have the frame of mind I have after masturbating, if I did I wouldn't do it in the first place.. as soon as I've finished masturbating it's then that I think about stopping..
     
    Piaurice, Apr 30, 2016
    Piaurice, Apr 30, 2016
    #2
  3. Apr 30, 2016 #3
    Jodokus

    Jodokus Fapstronaut

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    Welcome Piaurice, you've find the right place!

    Educate yourself about how the addiction works, read some stories of others and then go step by step. Don't worry about those kinky fantasies. It's just your brain trying to get the hardest kick out of the material every time. When you abstain from porn for some time you will see that your brain craves to the dopamine high not the content - no matter what kind of material, it just needs to PMO. But it will change gradually and let you free. The thing you need most is patience and persistence IMO.

    You have a happy relationship, that's great! Get prepared that it will become even better when you tackle your porn-problem. Consider if you want to tell her (if she doesn't know yet), that could help yourself.

    Step by step that means going for small targets like not to watch porn for three days and slowly increase them. Relapses are part of the progress though. It will probably help to journal here on a regular basis or just to tell us your story. Maybe install a counter or use a PMO-spreadsheet. (Counters are sometimes demotivating and they doesn't show the past successes, so take that into account). Another option would be finding an accountability partner.
    Either way, if you go on that journey many little things will change. Try to see the whole picture, it's about your life not just about challenges and abstinence.

    You've reached for help but at the same time you're about to take things in your own hands. You may feel good about it. Control what you can control and don't expect to become superman in 90 days or so. Rather except the embrace the process.

    I hope I could help you helping yourself.
    All the best and may the force be with you ;)
     
    Jodokus, Apr 30, 2016
    Jodokus, Apr 30, 2016
    #3
    Awakening123 likes this.
  4. May 1, 2016 #4
    Piaurice

    Piaurice Fapstronaut

    15
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    Thanks for your advice Jodokus I'll stay posted on here, I just need to stay in the right frame of mind when I'm alone but it seems so hard.
     
    Piaurice, May 1, 2016
    Piaurice, May 1, 2016
    #4
  5. May 1, 2016 #5
    Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

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    Download a blocker, have an accountability partner, workout or run everyday, meditate more, socialize, practice karazze with your gf, write journal everyday, have a plan about what to do when the worst urges and withdrawals hit and understand that these period of extreme sexual frustration is temporary until you have reached a healthy streak of a few months.

    Follow these steps and give 110% everyday. This addiction can't be treated overnight; you must go through the whole uneven process of recovery where you will face the best and the worst days of your life but like I said they are gonna be temporary if you don't give up. Good luck!
     
    Awakening123, May 1, 2016
    Awakening123, May 1, 2016
    #5

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