I want to relapse to start over, feeling guilty!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by xuking, Apr 16, 2021.

  1. xuking

    xuking New Fapstronaut

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    It has been two days that I “accidentally” look at porn. I was messaging with someone on whatsapp and he sent men a porn picture, but I didn’t ask. At first, I didn’t see the message, I saw the picture on the notification bar (I didn’t realize it was porn but I risked it could be). It was blurred (because it was not downloaded). Suddenly, I opened the app to delete this stupid image. Since then, and 2 days have been passed, I’m felling guilty, and I can’t concentrate because of that sneak peek on the message. My thoughts (24/7) are “just relapse and start over fresh again, it will be better for you”. Should I do that? I’m really considering I should, but the other part of my brain tells me “Don’t do that, it will just be bad for you in your process of abstaining from PMO”. It is worth to tell that I was not hard, not excited, and I felt nothing. I looked for about 3 seconds.
    I need help pls! I’m currently in a 14 day streak.

    obs: sorry for my bad English, I’m still learning.
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2021
  2. Different Built

    Different Built Fapstronaut

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    This isn’t even a setback. You’re 100 percent fine and it sounds like you handled the situation well. Good work.
     
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  3. ReInForced_Elk

    ReInForced_Elk Fapstronaut

    Hey xuking.
    I like to think the following.
    When it's the hardest not to look at porn, and you still choose the right thing (not to look, obviously), that's when you re-wire your brain.
    So, if you manage to stick to your streak, I think that would be most beneficial.

    Your choice. It probably won't get easier next time around. You change your future starting from today.
     
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  4. Hadrian3

    Hadrian3 Fapstronaut

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    It's all up to you. If resetting your counter helps you in the process of quitting porn, then do it. If it will discourage you then keep the counter as it is.
     
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  5. xuking

    xuking New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your help man. How can I handle with the situation that I can’t concentrate because my brain is always thinking that I watched porn?
     
  6. ReInForced_Elk

    ReInForced_Elk Fapstronaut

    I have that too. I also watched picture of lightly-dressed woman during my current streak, but it isn't high-speed internet porn. It's the guilt trying to deceive your brain that you relapsed. Don't believe it!
     
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  7. xuking

    xuking New Fapstronaut

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    I feel like if I relapse, to restart the counter, I will start a cleaner and fresh streak again, just like my past 90 days streak. But as the friend said up there, I will try to fight this guilty, even if I feel that my streak is being unproductive. But if I can’t fight it, and it makes me better to just relapse, should I do it?
     
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  8. ReInForced_Elk

    ReInForced_Elk Fapstronaut

    I just recognize the feeling of guilt having looked at, let's call it *porn-related* stuff. But is it lightly dressed women? Is it a just one P picture? If it is like you said, 3 secs, forgive yourself and try to move on the streak. But if the guilt is too heavy, then give in like Hadrian suggests. I just don't know if it would be beneficial to you in the long term. If we follow every excuse along the way, how can we overcome this struggle. It may be the case that your addicted brain rationalize watching P once again.
     
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  9. Hadrian3

    Hadrian3 Fapstronaut

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    I'd keep it because if I reset it and do a small mistake again, I'll probably get discouraged and that will lead to a real relapse (pmo). But that's me. You know yourself better. I think your brain is tricking you. I wouldn't reset the counter.
     
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  10. xuking

    xuking New Fapstronaut

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    You guy’s are right, thanks a lot! It’s obvious that my brain is tricking me, I just need to resist it. Good luck bros!
     
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  11. ReInForced_Elk

    ReInForced_Elk Fapstronaut

    We're here to help. Glad to hear it resonates with you. Good luck to you too, brother!
     
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  12. Different Built

    Different Built Fapstronaut

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    It’s not better. You’re brain makes you feel guilty to try to get you to relapse. I’ve gone through this. You’re brain tells you it’s too late and it’s basically already a relapse but once you do it you’ll feel 100 times worse
     
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  13. learningisanart2020

    learningisanart2020 Fapstronaut

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    You handled it like a star brother. Keep going.....you are on the path of change
     
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  14. db001

    db001 Fapstronaut

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    Great job resisting. Our addiction will say anything to get us to give in to the cravings. It can be very devious and will use any and every emotional trigger to drag us back down. Stay strong.
     
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  15. collard177

    collard177 Fapstronaut

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    dont restart. youre gonna see things that will trigger you every now and then and you might see something like that again, are you going to keep restarting every time you see something for 3 seconds? i started no PMO and for the first 18 days (not everyday), i was watching P. but my goal is to stop PMO completely. i havent watched P for nearly a week now. take it one step at a time. overtime, itll get easier. you might have some slip ups but it will get easier.
     
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  16. ReInForced_Elk

    ReInForced_Elk Fapstronaut

    I have a confession related to this. I watched pictures of lightly-dressed woman woman this morning (no nudity), and I added a good portion of fantasy to it, spiced up with a few movements in the chair where the table added pressure to my penis. I then had a "spontaneous" emission (although in reality I kind of helped it happen a little bit). So I did not watch porn, nor did I masturbate in the real sense of the word. My brain tells me I have relapsed and makes me feel guilty, so I "might as well" look at real porn.

    Did I relapse? Should I feel guilty?
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2021

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