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I want to transgress sexually

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by mouton1998, May 9, 2020.

  1. mouton1998

    mouton1998 Fapstronaut

    Hi!
    This question will probably sound stupid, but still:
    I'm a 22-year-old boy; I've been suffering from porn addiction since I was 15-16 years old and I'm currently engaged to a girl. Also, I'm still a virgin.
    I wanna ask: how can you understand if a desire to trasgress sexually is part of my natural "sexual hunger" or if it's just a pornography-induced effect?
    Since I started the reboot (about 50 days ago) I haven't seen any P videos and I haven't even masturbated; nevertheless, in my mind there is a constant desire to do something sexually transgressive (nothing to do with S&M, anyway). Unfortunately I find myself in this stalemate: is it my nature to be so sexually hungry or is it just my brain trying to fool me?

    Edit: technically I had a relapse 1 day ago, because I edged on... it wasn't exactly P material, but it was remotely related to P. That's why my counter had restarted.
     
  2. Chapter Master Azrael

    Chapter Master Azrael Fapstronaut

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    I'm going to come from a perspective as a Christian, virgin, single, and someone who has had a PMO addiction since 2006 when I say this; parts of this may make you go "oh well it's easy for you to say." And that's fine. This is just my opinion.
    I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume "sexually transgress" means "cheat on my fiance." In my opinion (which is worth absolutely nothing and you can take it or leave it as desired), any desire to cheat on your fiance is wrong. This is the woman you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Your bride should be the woman you desire. Not some anime chick (who isn't even real), not some buxom porn star you can never have. Your wife should be the apple of your eye.
    The reason you're having these urges is because your brain has been rewired. Fapping releases endorphins, a chemical that makes you feel good. Your brain wants you to feel that good feeling again, and so will throw the urge out whenever and wherever possible to make you give in. In short, you have an addiction. To make matters infinitely worse for you, the human brain craves novelty, which is why porn is so alluring- you can fap to a different girl every single day. Even if you can never have them, the fantasy is enough to give your brain the rush.
    You've found a girl who's willing to spend the rest of her life with you (making an assumption here, I know.) That's more than what I have. Treasure it.
     
    mouton1998 likes this.
  3. mouton1998

    mouton1998 Fapstronaut

    Thank you @Chapter Master Azrael for your point of view. Sorry, I didn't express myself very clearly: for sexual trangressions I mean join group sex, swinging, join club prive and doing some particularly intense erotic games. Definitely not cheating on my girlfriend.
    I have very little sex experience, so... that's why I asket this question: I don't understand if I want to do these things because I'm naturally very hungry from a sexual point of view or because my brain is tricking me to relapse...
    Don't know if this situation has been lived by someone here on nofap
     
  4. Chapter Master Azrael

    Chapter Master Azrael Fapstronaut

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    No problem.
    Bearing in mind I'm just an armchair sexologist, I think the problem is your brain is craving novelty. Something I noticed in my own porn habits was that, to get the same rush, I'd look for more bizarre and extreme porn- stuff that would've horrified me became erotic. In my own situation, though, it was largely Pavlovian in nature and I was able to get away from it.
    I get it, though. You're eager to explore the limits of your sexuality. But if you've been PMO'ing your brain isn't functioning the way it should be. If your brain is anything like mine, distracting your brain with something intense (video games and hard exercise are popular with Fapstronauts) will cause the urge to subside. If you can keep it up for a month or so, you should find that your desires are going back to what is considered "normal."
     
    mouton1998 likes this.
  5. You should not deprive yourself of valuable experiences while you are young. If you want to experiment then go ahead. If something is holding you back, then don't rush into it or just simply abstain. Just try to think if your actions will have repercussions - and if you don't like the possible outcomes, then don't do it.
     
    mouton1998 likes this.

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