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I was diagnosed with very severe inattentive adhd this week

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Goggles, Dec 17, 2017.

  1. Goggles

    Goggles Fapstronaut

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    Hello! This is not my first account on here or my first time attempting NoFap, I have tried it a couple years back and relapsed after 2 weeks and I never tried again. A lot has changed in my life since then and It is very important for me to start fresh with a new account has I have learned a lot about myself and I now know the reason why I have been addicted to porn for over 10 years now.

    A little bit about myself, I'm a 23 years old Canadian from the Gaspé Peninsula who've now been living in Montréal for I think 8 years, I am also a high school dropout with really bad anxiety and a history of depression and several suicide attempts. Even though I don't have my high school diploma I've never doubted my intelligence, I don't think I'm a genius but I never thought I wasn't smart enough to finish high school and go to college, in fact my teachers would always call my parents at the end of my school years threatening them to fail me if my grades didn't improve and I would instantly become the best of my classes under the promise of a reward (such as a video game console) from my dad. My dad left my mom when I was 5 years old, my dad is a very educated and strict man while my mom has always been the opposite and so for a kid like me deciding who to live with between the two was a very easy decision, I always lived with my mom because I could always do whatever I want without consequences, my mom was also an alcoholic and until very recently I've always blamed all my failures to a rough childhood.

    I dropped out of school when I was 15 years old and I instantly started working with my mom, eventually the place where we were working closed down and it was then that I started playing World of Warcraft more seriously, I played the game so much I became fluent in English in a little bit under 2 years, I couldn't even put two English words together prior to that and there I was communicating with Americans on Skype and Ventrilo like It was nothing. I would spend over 12-16 hours a day playing the game and I would masturbate obscene amounts of times during downtime, I would constantly tab out of the game, masturbate and then start playing again which would generally happen 10 to 20 times a day even though I'm sure there's been days where I have masturbated more than 20 times. My mom would always pressure me to find jobs but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't do it because of procrastination and my anxiety, I think I've had 5 jobs and I quit 4 of them impulsively, I've never been able to find a job by myself and I always relied on my mom for that. After I quit World of Warcraft I instantly became obsessed with Overwatch and I started playing it just as much, even got two world records at some point and I've made a lot of friends playing that game and I really liked all the attention I was receiving since I no longer have any friends in real life as most either thinks I'm too strange and socially awkward now or I've cut contact with them myself and so therefore I am always alone by myself. I haven't played OW in almost a year now and I'm finally free of addicting video games.

    I've been working full time for a year and a half now, which is for now the longest time I've ever held a job but It doesn't pay enough and I hate it so a few months ago I decided to try and study for the Quebec's HS equivalency tests which are supposedly made to be very easy to help people go back to school without wasting too much time on high school stuff but I realized I just couldn't memorize anything, no matter how hard I tried, I would start reading a paragraph and I'd forget what I was reading before even finishing a sentence. At this point I didn't truly know what ADHD was and I thought I just wasn't motivated enough and I started looking online for techniques to study effectively and pass those tests and It was then that someone on Reddit told me that all the issues I was describing could be related to me having untreated ADHD.
    Now this is very recently, I became obsessed with ADHD and learned that It was often genetically transmitted and just by reading about It was really obvious that both myself and my mom had it and that I had gotten it from her genetics, however my anxiety was so bad that I just couldn't ask for help, I couldn't even make a phone call at the time and so I started communicating by emails with a very expensive ADHD medical clinic here in Montreal and I was so sure that I had it that I used all of my savings to consult and get treated there and sure enough 2 days ago I was given 3 diagnostics by the doctor, really severe inattentive ADHD, social anxiety disorder and OCD.
    I had been self-medicating with Vyvanse using my friend's prescription for a few weeks prior to getting my diagnosis and so my doctor prescribed me what I was already taking and the last few weeks of my life have really been life changing, I no longer have any anxiety and all my ADHD symptoms are gone while on medication, I even have a much lower sex drive which is really damn great as I don't even think about masturbating when I'm at home but as soon as the medication wears off, well the urges come back.
    I deleted over 6TB of porn the other day but I found myself always redownloading my paid copy of Pro Recuva and just scanning my hard drives for deleted files to get some of my old porn back which I tend to delete in disgust after I am done, but I always go back and get some more the next day. I am studying for my tests now and It's going really smoothly as I am for the first time in my entire life able to really concentrate on something that doesn't stimulate me, my anxiety is so much better and I am a lot more social, I take better care of myself and I'm a lot more organized, the only thing left I wanna do now is stop porn and masturbation altogether and see if I can become even less anxious and more social when combined with my treated ADHD.

    I am really glad to be back here and I hope my stay will be longer than my first one, really excited to see how my life's going to change in the next year, if I can get rid of my porn addiction coupled to finally being treated for my mental disorders I am sure I will be capable of great things. Thank you!
     
    sakeen and Deleted Account like this.
  2. Hey @Goggles ,

    Welcome to NoFap! You are in the right place. My experience here is that I needed to learn the program and also get involved with the community.

    The best resource I found was the “Getting Started with NoFap” guide. It is on the NoFap homepage and you can download it for free from this link https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/new-users-list-of-rebooting-resources.50878/

    Then, watch this video:



    It is really good and explains so much about how the blasting of porn images into the brain in high definition on high speed internet while slamming porn sounds into the ears with headphones can literally change the way your brain demands sexual stimulation.

    The video explains it better than I can.

    Also, a great page is https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/new-users-list-of-rebooting-resources.50878/ my experience is that by reading every link and watching every video, I learned so much.

    Then, I got involved with the community. I'm not anyone special on here, I don't have any magic powers. But, I can say hello to new members, post my journal entries, remember to “like” peoples posts, and offer my experience, strength and hope where appropriate.

    Looking forward to seeing you around on the forums,

    L
     
    Goggles likes this.
  3. Protagoras

    Protagoras Fapstronaut

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    Welcome back! Here are some things working for me.
     
    Goggles likes this.

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