Hi everyone. I am just looking for some advice or feedback from anyone in a similar position. I'm a 21 yo guy that has been attempting nofap and failing for the past year or so, my reason for doing it is because I believe it helps alleviate my depression and allow me to be more productive. A few months back I manage to reach 30 days and visited an escort in a bout of loneliness. After the visit, I binged on PMO and became extremely suicidal for a period of a week. I did reset my counter and begin another streak, my mood immediately improved. The problem is, the experience in itself was good enough so that it's always on my mind now, I constantly want to go back. It wasn't so much the sex, but the human connection, touch and kissing. This happens especially at night I find myself fighting the urge to shoot off a text and book an appointment with the same escort. It's a constant battle everyday to not go again. Despite the experience itself being pleasant, I still felt depressed and even more lonely after I left her building. That, along with the financial costs is the only thing that is stopping me from going again. But I cannot see myself going the whole year without stopping myself, especially as the loneliness increases the longer I go.
The key is not thinking in the long run. Just focus on today. This addiction goes way deep into our biengs. It's no wonder we start so young. Confronted with pain, insecurities, fear and anger we coped with masturbation and it worked! It alleviated everything. That's the thing about addictions, they work until they don't. When I quit fapping and watching Pornography my world fell apart. I was an emotional mess (not that I wasn't before, I just covered it all with acting out). I still get very lonely at times. I have however learned that spirituality and relations of trust with other human beings are the key to getting through this. I suffer from depression as well and can tell you masturbating and giving in to lust just makes it worse. But you already know that. One day at a time man. And if ya slip and binge, get back up and try again. You have everything to lose and everything to gain! Life gets better!
This is a tough journey. You have a way to be with someone and you feel you are connecting with them. I don't know if it makes a difference, but they are really only interested in connecting with your money. You are a young guy. I know that loneliness sucks. I believe that you will have a healthy relationship with someone that is worthy of you, but it takes time and it takes overcoming this addiction. This is a long journey but definitely well worth it. Take one day at a time. Be patient. During your reboot, see if there are some friends that you can hang out with. You could also start with a local coffee shop or cafe. You never know who you may meet or start a conversation with. Then you could start to form healthy relationships and go from there. Your brain wants instant gratification, and it will try and talk you into it. Your brain will make you think that you need it. You are stronger than your brain and you can tell it what you want. Make a goal. Make a plan for when you are feeling triggered. That plan could be a cold shower, going for a walk or a run, going to a coffee shop or even just a convenience store. Getting out and being around other people will help your brain to rewire and hopefully even help some of that loneliness go away. I am not saying it will be easy, but I do believe you will be successful. I hope this helps. Stay strong!!
Thank you for your advice, I actually went to a coffee shop for the first time today coincidentally. The only reason I was able to go was because I discovered you could make your order online and pick it up instead of the queuing, ordering and paying, which for some reason I couldn't bring myself to do because I am somewhat socially anxious. Even though it's expensive, I'm going to make it a habit because I like the ambiance and calming atmosphere.
You are welcome. I am glad you already made that step. The more you go the less anxious you will become. I hope that helps. Even going up to the cash register and talking with the person will help too.
I've spent thousands on sex addiction; trust me you don't want to go there. It rids you of your finances, your self respect, and the way you think about your position with regards to the opposite sex. I'm still battling my addiction and plead for you not to entertain your thoughts
I to am a recovering sex addict, at it's worst I was seeing 4 or 5 prostitutes a week. And began getting suicidal feelings. I know it's hard but try and remind yourself that the experience with paid for sex is fake, the girl is purely interested in you for your money. There will be lots of girls out there who'd like a real relationship with you. Try and do positive things like going to the gym, or taking up a hobby you've always been interested in. If you've got a lot of time on your hands how about voluntary work for a charity, a great way to boost your self esteem and meet people. I know it's hard and your feeling bad at the moment, I've been there. But things can get better if you work at it.
Sex without love. Sex without friendship. Pure sex. It's like a drug. You get a high rush, and then you fall really deep.
I can imagine what you must be feeling and I know its terrible. Loneliness sucks, it really REALLY does. Every day feels like its only somehow getting worse. I have cried myself to sleep because of loneliness. Urges get stronger. Controlling them becomes tougher. Loneliness pushes you to make irrational decisions. We have all made them. But that is why we are here and that is why you are here. Because on some level you believe that there is hope that someday you will be able to put this mess behind you. Hold on to this hope because that will give you strength to fight in tough times. Prostitutes are not worth it. They never were and they never will be. Its ok you have gone to one before, you cannot change that now. But you do have a choice about what you do in the future. The greatest ability a man can have is to do what is tough today so that your life will be easy tomorrow. The reason NoFap produces so many benefits is because it cultivates this habit. If you control your urges today, you will develop the self-discipline required to be immensely successful tomorrow. Life is not fair and it is never going to be. But on some level there is balance in nature. Tough times will pass and you will live through them. But its the choices that you make during these tough times that will define your life. You have the capacity to make the right choice even though every cell in your body is telling to do something else. And every time you make the right choice you cultivate the habit of making this right choice and that is priceless. People underestimate the power of momentum. Your life improves exponentially with every right choice you make. Have faith in yourself. You can live through this and conquer your mind.
I'm a 26 years old virgin. I relapsed twice. But I begin again.. Last year, I had the same thoughts as you have; to visit a prostitute and have some fun. But paying for sex takes a key thing away which is struggle and persistence to achieve your goal. This is what happens with porn. You don't find a girl to have sex with, you end up masturbating and settling down with porn. This will make you depressed. For anything to achieve in life, you need to make the effort. Better spend your time meeting girls, socialize etc rather than on prostitute. You will have a lot of respect for yourself, you won't have social anxiety and things will be great. My anxiety was so much that I couldn't have proper meal when sitting around people. Now I don't.
