I will be LIMITLESS

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by LimitlessTman, Mar 24, 2016.

  1. LimitlessTman

    LimitlessTman Fapstronaut

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    I am excited to find out how much more I can learn, do and become without the constantly limiting behavior of PMO. I have no doubt that if I had channeled the time(sometimes up to 4 or 5 hours without stopping and usually every day for at least a few minutes) and energy that I have wasted looking at images and videos or reading erotic fiction online, I could have accomplished anything I have ever desired in the realm of fitness, career success, personal development and social interaction. I have a strong vision of who I want to be and with this behind me I will be LIMITLESS.

    I signed up to read some commentary on NoFap a month ago. I realized a day later that I had retired the same day as Peyton Manning. Interesting parallel to me since I remember the first time I heard of him was when He and I were both High School seniors. He was the top recruited football player in the country, I was a wantabe. My obsession with football had a good side effect. In what I think is a very rare thing, I never viewed porn or masturbated until I was in college. It was only after a failed relationship that I thought was the love of my life that I tried it. I still remember thinking, nothing special, I don't think this will become a habit. How wrong I was.

    That was 1994, I didn't even know what the internet was. I have never been turned on by what most would call porn, but as I read on one thread or another, porn is anything that gets us off. I started with a recorded TV show that I wore the tape out on because in aroused me. When I first started using the internet at the Computer center in college, I started searching for specific images that satisfied my fetish. I would then go to the bathroom stall and knock one out. The better technology got, the more invasive my habit became. Fast forward 20+years and there I was, spending hours looking at photos and watching videos on my Ipad. Delaying my gratification till my mind would explode when I finally finished. This convenience and the fact that I am self employed made it possible for me to waste hours out of what should have been my work day. My work is somewhat seasonal, so If I stay focused during the busy time, I can make a solid living despite my habit. There is no doubt, however, that if I were to allow it to continue, it would eventually destroy that part of my life.

    That's what brings me to today, I relapsed after about a week and just went to take a peak at the video pages I had monitored for close to 10 years. Well, a peak turned into a week of daily PMO. The feeling I felt during my week of NoFap was unreal. I felt in control of my life for the first time in years. All the self loathing, defeatist, easily angered, always depressed came back almost instantly when I relapsed. The degradation of my mindset was scary. I couldn't stop myself. I kept telling myself, just once more then I am done for good.

    Finally, last night, while my wife was in the hospital recovering from pneumonia and severe dehydration, after I put my sick kids to bed, I started to look at some videos. For the past several years whenever my wife has been away, I have a free for all, (sometimes till as late as 3 AM, even if I had to get kids on the bus at 7AM) but this time was different. With multiple tabs open on my Ipad, I decided this was it. I opened the NoFap page for the first time in over a week and found a post that was just what I needed to hear. I replied and thanked the man, closed my other tabs and went to bed early.

    Sorry this got so long. Maybe no one will read it, but that's OK. I needed to write it. I can feel that this is my therapy and I am thankful for these pages that give us this opportunity for the outlet. I will continue to read and write daily if time allows. I am a person in deep need of a total physical, mental and emotional transformation and I can't wait to share it with you all. I promise not to boor you to tears everytime.
     
    Buzz Lightyear and goodguy12 like this.
  2. LakeMichigan

    LakeMichigan Fapstronaut

    @LimitlessTman welcome to nofap. I have also started watching P late in my life but it didn't make it any less destructive. I also lost hours and hours of time during a day/week and yes, that time would have amounted to something if I chose a worthy goal. It is better late than never!
    It does help posting about your self on this forum as it helps you lose stigma of the issue and that makes you lighter which in turn makes it easy to reboot.
    I already see that you are getting involved in the community and that is what helped me stay the course so keep it up. Also you may want to start a journal in your age group to get feedback from more experienced people.

    http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?forums/ages-40.21/

    Learn more about P and come here daily you will make progress.

    I wish you good luck.
     
    LimitlessTman likes this.
  3. LimitlessTman

    LimitlessTman Fapstronaut

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    Tha


    Thanks for the heads up. I haven't totally figured out what I'm doing here yet. I just know that I need to be involved.
     
  4. goodguy12

    goodguy12 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the forums.

    Recovery is quite different for everyone. We'll start with the fact that you came here and want to recover. You might consider writing a journal about how you feel and post to it daily or weekly. This was a gigantic leap for me in the recovery process. It keeps me honest and I can write my goals and random thoughts even if no one else is listening/reading. At least I have some place I can come back to and read what I was thinking days and weeks from now. For me it was actually the first "social media" I ever engaged in. This was an absolute suffer in lonely silence where I have hid this from anyone I have ever known.

    Take it day by day and be strong. Think really hard about why you are doing this, and come up with a plan to win. :)
     
    LimitlessTman likes this.
  5. LimitlessTman

    LimitlessTman Fapstronaut

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    Is there a special place to start a journal or just put a message on a forumn and then keep replying.
     
  6. RandomDude99

    RandomDude99 Fapstronaut

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  7. goodguy12

    goodguy12 Fapstronaut

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    I clicked on forums, scrolled down to reboot logs, selected my age group 40+ and started there. If you wanted to use this thread as your journal, I believe you can also request a moderator to move it and with in a few days it will happen.

    It was a big first step for me to own up to the fact I had a problem in the first place. The journey for myself has been a rough ride, but I can assure you it will get better.
     
    LimitlessTman likes this.

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