I wish I was dead

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Nov 9, 2020.

  1. This is no life for a man. I feel like a rat in a cage. I've nowhere to go, no friends, no social contact, my family has forsaken me. Every breath takes effort. I feel so weak and strafed, everything hurts. I'm constantly on the verge of crying and I can't think straight anymore. Why me?? What did I do to deserve such anguish?!! If there is a God I wish he'd just get it over with already. I don't see the point of going on like this. I have nothing to live for, nobody understands me. I'm sick of crying out for help and getting ignored. I'm 20 and my life is already over. When I look back I don't even know what happened to that little boy. It hurts, my memories are just a whirlwind of trauma, drugs, lies and porn. This world is so utterly absurd and awful that it drives me insane. I wish I could end it all. What's the point of living if it's just constant, unending suffering, devoid of meaning. I have been lobotomized, castrated and beaten down. I'm a husk of a man.
    Wren and zen life like this.
  2. Dude you reminded me of a chapter i read just yesterday from 12 rules for life by jordan peterson.

    I'm sorry if you have gone through something terrible in life. But man, this life is your life, there are people who must have endured similar suffering or even way worse. Why few lived their lives crying due to various reasons, others transcended the odds and have become an example.

    Let me tell you about something, studies show that most of the child abusers are themselves abused as children. They however don't abuse their own children but avenge others. If one person abuse 3 children and these 3 go abusing 3 each there would come a point where the world would be filled with 10 billion potential abusers- which is more than children altogether.

    But in reality, this has not happened, the reason why is because there are few people among the above chain who didnt choose to react as the perpetrators. They believed their story could be used to bring change or benefit others.

    i don't mean to downplay what all you went through but this is as simple as change in perspective " to look at the glass half empty or half-filled". Make your choice man, I believe we as humans have tremendous potential to change our lives and defy odds like the way we could brood in our sadness and perish.

    I would suggest you to seek therapy- It Helps!!!- if you want to stopp feeling bad and make use of your life. I believe you're an untapped potential who could be way more than what you're now.

    You got this man, defy odds, I'm here to support .
    Wren, Viking83 and Maurice00 like this.
  3. Thank you man, it means a lot. Today's another day another chance so I'll make use of it.
    zen life likes this.
  4. Viking83

    Viking83 Fapstronaut

    Hey man,
    I agree with Zen Life, he is spot on. You can see yourself as a victim, and stay one. Or you can see yourself as someone who has endured many hard times and you are still here, stronger every day.

    Have you every read the book: "Man's search for meaning" by Viktor Frankl. I think you should give it a try, it will definately change your perspective.

    Good luck in your journey!
    ALPHAandOMEGA and Maurice00 like this.
  5. InTheWilderness

    InTheWilderness Fapstronaut

    OP, give this a watch. There are 8 episodes in total for season 1. Here is the first episode. It shows a woman who went through a similar situation to yours.

    Maurice00 likes this.
  6. Daryn

    Daryn Fapstronaut

  7. You're right man. I think this is just part of the grieving process I'm going through. This is the hardest thing I've ever done but I'm slowly becoming myself again and I'll never give up.

    Thanks, I'll check it out. I'm currently reading the gospels so great timing.

    It's gonna be okay. We're all gonna make it.
    zen life and Wren like this.
  8. Spiritual Redemption

    Spiritual Redemption Fapstronaut

    Hi there brother. Do not lose hope. It is always darkest before the dawn. YOU CAN DO THIS! Your mindset will determine your recovery. You need to start believing in yourself, and as difficult as it is, you need to create a vision of the man that you want to be and give everything that you've got to get there. The good news, it can be done! For some, this journey takes a long time, but as long as you don't give up, focus on building new habits and a new life, and fearlessly face your problems, slowly but surely you'll grow into a different man and you will succeed on this journey.

    Some tools that were of immense help to me:

    1. Cold showers - Twice a day, every day, no exceptions. It will help you physiologically to fight urges, and will build your discipline and courage
    2. Meditation - This is crucial, it will clear your head of all the bullshit, and will enable you to center yourself and have a completely different experience of the day. It will also give you the strength to get through the day and deal with your problems. Even if you only start for 5 minutes twice a day. There are many different ways to meditate. I'd advise that you experiment with a couple and find something that works for you.
    3. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF - You have to change the entire way that you live your life. Get stuck in. Face your problems, listen to your conscience, and begin to act on it. Your gut feel will not lie to you. You cannot think your way out of the place that you're in. Only daily disciplined action can get you out of this.
    4. Build healthy relationships with other people - Human connection is essential to a healthy and happy life, and you can turn to others for support in your darkest moments
    5. Kundalini Yoga - Research it, and do it. There are 30 minute videos available on Youtube. Out of all the tools I have tried, this will help you the most and the fastest. It will change your life.
    6. Take long walks
    7. Set a vision for yourself of the man you desire to be, and what you wish to achieve in this life. If you do not set goals or a vision, you'll drift around aimlessly, not sure of where to go, or what to do with yourself.
    8. Prayer - You might not believe in God, but if you're open to it, and if you're in as dark a place and in as much pain as I was, you'll get on your knees and ask for help, with God, I have gotten out of this thing.
    9. Mantra's - Mantra's are ancient chants, the very frequencies of the vibrations are divine. Repeat: "Om Namah Shiva Ya" 108 times a day, as many times a day as you can, and I promise you your mind will begin to clear, and you'll find yourself connected to new power.

    Best of luck my friend! Keep the enthusiasm, and don't give up! This life is worth living.
    Maurice00 likes this.
  9. Quiet Riot

    Quiet Riot Fapstronaut

    Dont say that I promise you life gets better. I was kinda like you when I was a young teenager, but life changes and thinks brighten up. You might not see it now, but I promise you will have better days.
    Maurice00 likes this.

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