This is no life for a man. I feel like a rat in a cage. I've nowhere to go, no friends, no social contact, my family has forsaken me. Every breath takes effort. I feel so weak and strafed, everything hurts. I'm constantly on the verge of crying and I can't think straight anymore. Why me?? What did I do to deserve such anguish?!! If there is a God I wish he'd just get it over with already. I don't see the point of going on like this. I have nothing to live for, nobody understands me. I'm sick of crying out for help and getting ignored. I'm 20 and my life is already over. When I look back I don't even know what happened to that little boy. It hurts, my memories are just a whirlwind of trauma, drugs, lies and porn. This world is so utterly absurd and awful that it drives me insane. I wish I could end it all. What's the point of living if it's just constant, unending suffering, devoid of meaning. I have been lobotomized, castrated and beaten down. I'm a husk of a man.