I wonder if I can ever find the right man for me?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Deleted Account, Feb 22, 2020.

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  1. I know that the current generation of men (and women) has been saturated by porn and It is very rare to find one who doesn't use it anymore. So, my problem is that I find most acts done by porn stars to be degrading and insulting and I have no idea what to expect from my future husband, especially in terms of sexual intimacy. I belong to the group of women who finds acts like oral to be repulsive and unsanitary and that goes for both giving and receiving and that is my own preference, the same for anal intercourse, and when I ever wanted to use pornography the only thing that appealed to me was vaginal intercourse. I think I will struggle a lot to find a man who doesn't fancy those acts as much as I do, and I wonder if there might be a man like me in any part of the world.

    So, I am here to ask for your personal experiences and for your advice .

    Thanks in advance.
     
    Submariner, losa96, potso and 6 others like this.
  2. drac16

    drac16 Fapstronaut

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    You are desirable to someone out there. It's like putting together a puzzle. Just because you can't find the right piece to attach onto a certain piece, that doesn't mean that the piece isn't there. It just means that you haven't found the one that fits, but rest assured that that piece does exist in the box that the puzzle came in. Whether someone is attractive or not is subjective, meaning that it is a matter of opinion. You have certain gifts and talents that were given to you by God, so you have something to offer a guy.

    There's someone out there who would love to have you as his mate. You haven't found him yet, but it's certain that he is out there.
     
  3. I don't know about using tinder, but still it is better to know someone personaly
     
  4. yeah but with tinder you can find the best looking guys
     
  5. henryhill

    henryhill Fapstronaut

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    Short answer is yes there are guys out there like that. Don’t give up hope. But don’t use tinder it’s a waste of your time. And ignore Andhira he’s a troll.

    Porn doesn’t make everyone who uses it want to act out porn scenes in the bedroom since they mostly use porn like a drug.

    All the best don’t give up hope!
     
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  6. Well that is all I hope for; some man who doesn't like engaging in those biologically /anatomically unnatural acts as much as I do . Without any offense to anyone who engages in them to be honest.
     
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  7. henryhill

    henryhill Fapstronaut

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    That’s why to me communication is key. It’s just something to be honest and open about with the person you’re dating when the time is right. Sexual preferences are super broad and though I’m open to many things there are certain boundaries I have no desire to cross. Sex for me is about feeling close to my wife.
     
  8. Yes I do understand what you are trying to say. Sadly porn culture has made it hard to imagine someone man or woman having any boundaries. And those shitty forums make it seems like everyone is into oral or that everyone is into anal or that half the population likes bdsm...It is so frustrating to be honest!
    Everyone is allowed to have his or her boundaries that deserve to be respected, for example I hate engaging into oral sexuality because mouths are not supposed to go down there regardless of personal hygiene. I also heard about the possible connection between oral infections and those kinds of anatomically unfitting sexual acts. Those are my reasons and they deserve to be respected
    I do not care about what other people do in their bedrooms still.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 23, 2020
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  9. Yes you are allowed to have your boundaries.
     
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  10. Your wording sounds to me that you have a moral issue as well as a personal issue. I'd suggest that you stop moralising, because it will distress you. As long as two (or more) people are consensually agreeing to a sexual act, there is nothing morally wrong with it, even if you or I personally dislike it.

    However.

    You have a personal choice, and you are fully entitled to have it. For you, oral sex is unpleasant. Therefore, no one can ethically force you to have it. If you dislike it, you need to find a man who also dislikes it.

    Now, it's incredibly rare (even before the days of internet porn) to find people who don't like oral sex, so you have to accept that you're in the minority and therefore you will struggle more than most. But that's OK. There are definitely men in the world who also dislike oral sex. All you need is a strategy to find those men, because I'll bet that they are looking for you!

    I don't have any clever suggestions. But, what if you were to join a few of the top dating apps? In your bio, include a simple statement like, "I only enjoy missionary sex." Or, if that's not quite right, whatever does fit right with you. It's a simple statement that will, in a stroke, eliminate all those who prefer variety. (Of course, it won't eliminate those idiots who want to argue with you about it, but you can block them.) I've seen similar types of statements on the apps.

    I wish you the best of luck finding the right man for you!
     
  11. I don't believe oral (or anal) was that popular before porn culture, it's popularity exploded only after the democratization of pornography. 30 years ago, I would not have been a part of a minority.
    As for my "moral" issue, I think it is expected from me. After all how can I not think of a partner who has no concern for his own hygiene as lowering/sacrificing himself to please me? (the act of cunnilingus) the same goes for me if I choose to give him the same treatment, but my process of thinking is mostly based on science and anatomy knowledge. I have no problem with people who disagree with me for such, do not misunderstood me please, I want no business with other people's preferences and that is fine by me. Morality is kind of subjective; you will find people who are against death penalty and others not, people who are against abortions and others not... As for your answer I think you assumed that I live in the west, that is not true; I am from north Africa. As long as I have a variety of choice all over the world , I will not restrict my choice in the west.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 23, 2020
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  12. Krillin1993

    Krillin1993 Fapstronaut

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    Do you say that because of your religious background or is it more like you wouldn't like it?
    So, If I had ever a girlfriend and she is telling me that she finds it disgusting to do oral/anal sex, I would be totally okay with it. I can live with that. I also think that mouths are made for kissing, but I am not against these sexual practice in general. And I think there are alot of men outthere who don't care or who respect woman who think like you are thinking.
    I am assuming doing something what you dont like or what your friend doesnt like is not the base of a good relationship or true love anyways. Would you personally judge your boyfriend, if he tells you about his old porn/masturbation addiction? I think it is the same bitter question when you are searching for a guy who dont want to do some fetishes. Are you willing to forgive him if he is honest to you and he wants to get rid of this addiction? Best regards :)
     
  13. Yes I will be willing to forgive someone who wants to get rid of porn addiction, since I almost became addicted myself. As for religion , it has never been a significant part of my life, regardless of the fact that some of my convictions are similar to religious principles or teachings. Some religious teachings have been very useful to me. I also think that mouths are for kissing ,eating and talking, not to go somewhere they do not belong, trust me there is a lot of health risks involving oral or anal: like infections or maybe even cancer. And if some person engages in those acts, that is their lives and they have to assume every consequence good or bad.
    If someone feels genuine remorse for their past actions he deserves to have redemption, and be freed from all the guilt and bitterness for good. Bearing guilt destroys one's mental stability and might drive them to end their lives.
     
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  14. Or a man who loves you more than blowjobs. I mean, as long as a man is not obsessed with (the idea of) blowjobs he should be able to let it go when his girlfriend or wife isn't into it, right?

    I haven't read any statistics about it, but I don't think so. That it is "Incredibly rare" looks incredibly unlikely to me.
    But I agree that internet porn has most certainly highly increased the "demand" for oral sex highly. Even if watching an oral scene on a screen is something completely different than having oral sex in reality.

    Bottom line: I don't think you have a problem there with your preference, when you want to find a man. Think of some rare fetish people - they have difficulties finding a fitting companion. ... If that cheers you up.
    Anyway, don't make it into a problem. And good luck! ;)
     
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  15. Except for me, that those fetish people are always crossing the line of morality in term of respect and empathy, and in most cases exhibit serious psychological issues. I think I am more on the normal spectrum regarding oral sex and anal sex, mouths are not made to be recipients of genital fluids and the anus is an exit for excrements. I do not believe myself to be from a rare group, but internet make it seem so. People who engage in oral always got serious consequences overtime and the "liberal" medias will certainly not share this information with the public. I also asked a doctor who told me that a female patient of hers ended up getting maggots in her guts because of anal sex. Holy shit! Always look for advice with honest and sincere physicians , not with some biased magazines or porn-saturated social medias
     
  16. Yes, it makes sense. I think that's a good and healthy attitude!
    As long as you don't make it to a doctrine outside your own private space, that is.

    and then you ended up on THIS forum :D;)

    I can totally relate to that. For me it's like on one hand I have this porn secret and that's why I feel ahsamed in front of people. On the other hand my new attitudes and standards that I want to build up and identify with also seems inapropiate, society isn't embracing this, if you know what I mean. Unfortunately I'm not particularly courageous so that I can't be real with people. Dodging sexual subjects is a solution, but not a good one.
     
  17. The problem I really have is when a certain act become normalized and thus widely expected inside a society, and no one dares to point it's flaws. It's very hard for me not to blend moral into this, oral sex has never been completely considered normal by societies, regardless what people might say or what medias might want to feed people, anal sex is just as dangerous and biologically unnatural act (ofc mouths and genitals are not made to meet, and an anus is a waste outlet) carry more danger , psychologically speaking and even physiologically speaking. People who engage in it mostly do only for the sake of pleasing their partners and keeping them around. the pleasure they get is a psychological pleasure while the other part has both psychological and physical pleasure. People never intimidated me the slightest, in fact they are the one to call me intimidating. Confronting society is what is going to dissipate the fog of ignorance.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 1, 2020
  18. Can be seen this way, can be seen differently. Should I play the devil's advocate?
    I think knowing what you want, having stance, being self-confident and confronting is good.
    Wanting to decide what's good for other people, how they should behave or think - that would be going too far.
    Of course we can talk about it all here. But in the real world people don't really like when someone has an agenda about what they should or should not do in their bedrooms. And I can understand that.
     
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  19. I don't want to decide for other people, but those same people you talk about are the ones behind the new conformism and are in most cases really ignorant about the long-term effects of their decisions. If those people were a minority, I would not have a problem with them, but when they become so out-numbering and oppress the rest which wants to stick to "traditional" values and worldviews for even pointing the deeply buried truth within themselves. In the long run, a lot of those people might just wake up and even regret what they did, while only a small number will stick to their preferences. It is not that different from trans-genderism and how many people who changed gender want nothing more than to go back to where they used to be.
    If those people want to practice oral sex, they have the right to know the real impact it is going to have on them. Not to be fed lies about how vaginal fluids or sperm are healthy to consume orally, or that oral sex is a natural and harmless practice, or that human genitals are more germ-free than mouths, or any made-up degeneracy actual medias try to spread.
    If people want to engage in anal sex, they should not be told that it is a natural act,and that using condoms can protect them from the risks, also they have the right to know about the possibility of ending up with a serious decease on the long run.
    What I truly want is for the media to stop telling lies to people, and numbing their criticism on any porn-made sexual practice "kinkshaming" as they like to call it. they have the right to know that pornstars are heavily drugged before shooting any scene and feel out of this world the whole video. And that they have no enjoyment beside gaining money, which they deeply regret later as old writhing people.
    It is true that many primates engage in oral sex, but mostly bonobos and not every pack of bonobos has this habit. Chimps (99 % of common DNA) do not engage (maybe rarely even) in that as well as gorillas (98 % of common DNA).
    And, if all those conditions are met, people who engage in any practice will do so without being ignorant and out of their real free will. not in order to follow a pattern mostly made by the pornified modern culture which is manipulative and Machiavellian and values profit and power above all.
    the medias want to lift guilt out of people's shoulders and let them follow a path they are not really fond of, and would have never chosen under different circumstances.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 1, 2020
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