I wonder if I can ever find the right man for me?

Wow, 100 replies! Something tells me you can find the right man for you. Just keep dangling that hook.

 

Literally?!

 

You should not worry for one second was a future partner thinks about your sexual preferences. That is their issue not yours. Be true to yourself and your sexual likes and dislikes and the right man will be there for you. Men are like buses, you miss one and, sooner or later, another one comes along.

 

True the world equals not germany. I know the middle east. The middle eastern culture is also a difficult topic like the western society is. You've mentioned turkey right? Surprise, Surprise. My parents come from turkey. And I know how the turkish mentality is. Turkish families are mostly conservative. They wont accept sex before marriage. It is a sin for them. And I also could never explain them that I just want to have a girlfriend, no marriage nor kids, because I am afraid of too many things. For many turkish parents you are not a "man" if you are jobless and have a desease. You are automatically out. They call them religious but they wouldn't understand me, I know that only few people would have empathy for my fears. Of course there are turkish families who are not conservative in thinking like non-religious groups, Alevites, people who support kemalism without being too much into religion. I would like to pick up a turkish girl who comes from those groups but it is still rare to find such a girl. Also these girl are more and more like western woman these days like these young new rich university girls in istanbul, Izmir or Ankara who would probably pick someone better than me. I also watched alot of turkish street surveys on Youtube. And alot of turkish woman said that they cheated during their relationship. The world is so hopeless. This turkey now is not like before 20 years ago. If you say to them that you are from europe and earning Euros or from America earning Dollars I can read jealousy from their faces. And turkish woman were asked what they would pick- love or money? And almost everyone said money. This is what the society really care for-The MONEY!....although most of these woman are healthy and can work and care from themselves. Believe me turkey is not your typical muslim country. It is something between. You can watch for a woman who wear a burqa or a woman that wear a mini skirt. All in all I am afraid of the turkish community, they also have alot of expectation and zero tolerance, when it comes to these topics I mentioned. What is your opinion shedernatinus? Where do you come from?

 

It is not like I cant find a job because I didn't found one or being lazy, it is because I have some deseases and this let me to rest for a while. Instead of doing hard jobs I am working as a newspaper deliverer with my bicycle and I am selling pens online on ebay. My situation is probably not what western woman could ever understand. They follow whats sexy and whats good for them,...simply everything for their selfenrichment.
Of course I will fight this addiction, I am doing some mistakes and I am failing alot....maybe it harder for men than for woman? I dont know....but these urges are really heavy. Of course this is all because I have watched alot of porn in the past and I will fix this, thats for sure. I know what I am doing wrong. I am feeling ashamed sometimes when I am talking about PMO. Having a family can also bring alot of problems. For example I need a space for myself. I need privacy. But with living together there is no privacy anymore. But there is nothing wrong if couples want too do that but in germany many men had to leave their houses and apartment, which they pay for with their own money, you have only one banc account (thats the negative aspect), the housewife get divorced and she keeps the aliments, his house and his kids (also a huge negative aspect, welcome to 21th century). The system in europe and america is unfair and if god say "this is a sin" then I can explain infront of god in the afterlife, that I had a deep fear of being lost and being used. This is no problem for me. I am not afraid.

 

What your describe as your personal preference sounds like what should be the norm for a girl - and a guy.
Is true that some things belong to the intimacy of a couple, but in most cases the world and the porn system have distorted, if not ruined, our sexual preferences. Especially to guys which are biologically a little more prone to this.
But not all are numb.
There are guys with principles and the brains to notice this is happening, stop it, and to some extent reverse it.

I don't know if it helps, but i used to feel disgust by some sexual practices. Porn made me lust for them. Now after some years of quitting I can say I've managed to go back to not liking most of them.

But most of all, what you describe is not solely a porn problem.
In fact, sex can be perfectly self involved even if it only includes vaginal sex.
What you describe includes a person with principles and generosity.

 

So I was actually one of those guys. The only thing I liked in porn was sexual intercourse and everything else was disgusting. I was good with giving oral but not receiving it, It was simply gross to me. The only reason why I shifted is because I got into a relationship with my significant other who really wanted to give me oral, and I tried it and eventually liked it. It wasn’t a bad decision for us, and her mind was not saturated by porn. She never watched it.

my point however is, that there are people, so many out there considerate, kind who will either compensate for you or share the same views that you and I used to share. My point is, don’t give up, there will be someone, just keep searching and give your expectations up front. Don’t get into a relationship with a guy until you trust them and believe they meet your expectations. Good luck!

 

Oral and anal sex. When I started binging into porn my view on them shifted completely.
In the beginning they were a turn off for me and I would deliberatly avoid watching them, but after some point they became arousing and desirable.
After quitting and with time this slightly changed.
Anal sex is totally repelling to me atm, oral it depends

 

it depends means it depends on whether my partner will be into it or not.

 

This is a really fascinating topic. I agree for the most part, especially with your statements about anal and that it should never be a thing. However, I also think that the cultural aspects that drive these “unnatural” sexual acts do not all stem from porn. It is true that naturally intercourse only appealed to me. however I believe that this was due to how it was depicted in porn: violent, psychologically damaging, and painful. Oral sex in really life is nothing like how it’s depicted in porn. I think for people like me who have come to accept it, who have genuine compassion and deeply care about their partners satisfaction, pull that acceptance of oral from a matter of selflessness in sex and putting the others sexual desires before ones own. Especially as oral for some can be fundamental to female orgasm. it also feels good to know that your making your partner feel good, so it’s not without it’s merits. Additionally it is painless and not gross when done in correspondence with mutualism and sensuality.

That being said, I think the majority of the population doesn’t treat it like that or in a sensual manner. My point is, not all people who take part in oral have desires for it stemmed from compulsive, gross and misogynistic influences. I think it can be quite beautiful if done correctly and without psychologically damaging. (Hygiene is included in the guidelines of mutualism and sensuality)

As for the matter regarding whether it’s natural or not, I think it doesn’t necessarily matter. I think a sexual act’s level of wrongness depends on whether or not it’s psychologically healthy. Oral for example can be especially harmful to the psyche and anal will never be healthy because of disease. However, kissing for example is also unnatural and in many tribal cultures unaccepted. If you think about it it is pretty gross: Mashing two food holes full of wet, slobbery chewing bones doesn’t sound super sexy or appealing. But overtime It has become an accepted part of romance and no one can start a move to stop it because it psychological feels good and doesn’t result in negative psychological outcomes. Moreover, Primitively, we were probably just meant to have sex with as many people as possible—like lots of other organisms on earth—to maximize our offspring. Husbands often had many wives and cultures were heavily misogynistic. Today those acts are generally very disgusting and primitive, and our romantic standards and beliefs have changed. We view polygamy to be psychologically damaging, and we accept and love gay people who shouldn’t be discriminated. To me, this fluidity of societal sentiments means that a sexual acts level of wrongness depends on if it’s psychologically damaging. And all unnatural acts could be psychologically damaging depending on the context; they could also be beautiful, artful, and sexually satisfying. I think for every individual it should be a choice of whether or not it’s psychologically damaging for that person. Additionally, I believe that if acts of mutualism, love, and acceptance are followed in any sexual encounter, there would be no room for the violent and psychological damaging forms of unnatural sex acts.

edit: my point is that even if the person you end up being in a relationship with had some of those predispositions to “unnatural” sex tendencies, they could still be the person for you if they are a compassionate person and practice mutualism. They won’t need those forms of sex and won’t ask you to do anything you wouldn’t want to, they would cease to want those things for your sake as they won’t be necessary for their pleasure as the most pleasuring idea is consensual and mutual sex.