I wondered why there was a "Loneliness" section here... Now I understand

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by YellowBlob64, Sep 11, 2021.

  1. YellowBlob64

    YellowBlob64 Fapstronaut

    I understand the intense and constricting nature of loneliness now. I used to think this section only applied to older 40-50s dudes who had never had a significant other, but now I understand that it affects everyone.

    I have realised after years and years of numbing my mind with porn and masturbating from the loneliness staring me down my entire childhood. Instead of facing my loneliness head on, I decided to seek instant gratification over leaving this state of emotions. Maybe it's because I've suppressed my sexual and intimate feelings and urges through masturbation, but now consistently reaching 2 weeks with relative ease, I realise how lonely I am. How much I lack a connection with my friends, girls, intimacy and my non-immediate family.

    I never realised how much I desired the touch of a girl, or a conversation with a girl. Or having a real conversation with real friends, where I didn't feel as though I was inferior or different.

    I don't know what to do. I keep in shape, exercise cardio 3 days a week and lift weights once a week. I practice guitar everyday. I focus on myself where I can, but I can't fill the hole inside of me. Is it because I can't love myself? Is it because I've never hugged a girl that I desired a relationship with? Is it because I've never had intimacy? I don't know.

    People say that to not feel lonely, you should focus on yourself and learn to love yourself, then you can find someone you truly like rather than desperation, but how do I do that? How do I love myself? For about a month now, I've been trying different writing practices, 10 things I'm grateful for, 3 things that made me proud of today and other similar things. But I feel as though these have a negligible effect in increasing my self esteem and love for myself.

    I've seen some people say that "Competence breeds confidence", in what sense? I'm the best ping pong player in my entire school, I'm a pretty bright kid, I'm decently coordinated in sports. But these don't give me confidence or self esteem, so what does give me these things? I've been taking cold showers as a way to train my willpower too.

    Are these feelings normal, am I just whining? I don't know how many soon-to-be 18 year olds feel this way.
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2021
  2. Oliver Gunter

    Oliver Gunter Fapstronaut

    Hey there,

    it's really positive that you are working on yourself in many areas. You definitely should be confident with such a broad set of skills. But you should talk to people more often. You are in school so there's lots of opportunity to do so. Make some smalltalk with classmates you usually don't talk with. Girls and boys. Ask them what they do in their freetime. Maybe you have common interests with someone and can build a friendship. Girls love social guys. One will lead to another and your loneliness will be gone.
  3. You sound like me who’s been told several times that “you’re too hard on yourself”. You will forever be your own worst critic. Knowing that, people don’t look at what you may consider flaws as flaws! Rather they focus on what’s obvious and what you generally easily reveal about yourself. That being said, you hold the power to shape yourself into the man you want to become, and the ways that shall happen is 100% individual to you. Comparison is what is sucking us dry, at least from my experience being alive for 26yrs. It is a cold nasty thought process that will own you if you let it.
    Oliver Gunter likes this.
  4. There are things in life that you have to say fuck you too and accept because they are no big deal they just seem huge to us internally, while you can improve on other aspects.
    Oliver Gunter likes this.

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