I work harder than others yet they're happier. Why?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Namekian23, Aug 13, 2016.

  1. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I've been pondering this thought for the last several days, and probably even more in the last few years. Sometimes I just don't understand why these things happen. Recently, I just caught up with a friend of mine who I haven't seen in 10 years! He used to live in New Hampshire and moved to New Jersey before coming back again. At first, I was very excited to see him, but when he told me what happened during the last 10 years, I started thinking about my own life.

    You see, I was never really satisfied with my life. Yet I have everything I need in order to survive: a caring family, great friends, a mentor, and all the support and love that most people could dream of. However, I've been living a life where I feel like it's almost meaningless. My friend has gone through a lot: he was selling drugs, street racing, going to parties, and having sex with multiple women. In a sense, he didn't live a productive life, but he decided to change himself. That's why he moved back. He seems to know a lot about life, and he talks a lot about it. The thing is: I've suffered more than he has, yet he has more experience...supposedly.

    Everything that he has is something that I've worked for my whole life: a girlfriend, freedom, moving out, and living life to the fullest. I, on the other hand, am bound by responsibilities I never really wanted including family and cultural. I've lived in a home where I'm always supported by my parents. My friend has lived a better life than I have. But how do you live an unproductive life, but then having the life you want? I've worked my fucking ass off, and I'm still not happy. I don't get it; WHAT am I doing wrong?

    I've tried to be a good person. I try to help others. Shouldn't I be happy too? No. I work harder and I even suffer more than others. It's getting to the point where I don't care anymore. I've accomplished a lot in my life, but I feel that it's all meaningless now. I mean, he's a year younger than me, and he's done things I wish I could only dream of from having gfs, partying, and so on.

    All I know is that I have a porn addiction and severe anger problems, but does that make me a bad person? It feels so. It feels like I don't deserve to be happy, even though I worked my ass off. Yet I have to live with more stress, lack of freedom, and a sense of unfulfillment because of my family and cultural responsibilities. I'm just so confused, and I don't know if I should continue working hard. I'm just wishing someone could give me answer.
     
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  2. Kdot

    Kdot Guest

    time to get a little workout
     
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  3. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    First of all, I was just comparing me and friend...I wasn't planning on comparing myself with other people. Even though this is a website for support and encouragement, you have done the opposite. Your father reminds me a lot of my own father, and I have full respect for both men. But notice how I'm not bothered by you or your words because it really says something about the person who's talking to me. It seems that you're just projecting your dad's persona as someone who is better than me.

    He does work harder, I agree, but for you to put me down like that is something I tend to ignore. I do not have time for people like you, and I choose not to retaliate. You don't even know me or what I've been through. What I said was a small fraction of the real suffering I endured. Besides that, I've actually gathered the work ethic ideology from my own dad.

    But like I said, I don't appreciate your words, and it's rude how you put other people down like that. I know I'm a hard hard worker, and I've had a lot of accomplishments and overcame a lot of hardships. At the same, I still respect your dad's work ethic because it's very similar to my dad. I know that cultural background. If you have anything else to say to me, go ahead. Either way, my own work ethic is pretty good, and this is only a setback for what I will accomplish in the future.

    My goals and dreams are not only in my mind, but in my heart. I try to be the best person that I can be. Your words have done nothing more than to motivate me to be a better version of myself. So let me ask you this: What are you doing with your life? Do you know your own goals and dreams? And what have you done for yourself to make it happen? If you can't answer these questions, then you need to do something for yourself rather than attacking people. Believe me, this has happened to me many times, but I'd rather be the better man. I don't care if you apologize or not. But thanks for motivating me.
     
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  4. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I've never heard of this quote before, but please elaborate.
     
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  5. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Power yoga. Four benefits in one. It works on your cardiovascular system, provides anaerobic conditioning, dynamic stretching, and mindfulness meditation. That and weight lifting plus swimming :)
     
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  6. RogerThat

    RogerThat Guest

    His journey will be different than yours. There's no point in being envious of your friend's life experiences since I'm sure he struggles with things you wouldn't be able to handle and vice versa for yourself. You want the experiences and circumstances he's had assuming you would come out of those experiences perfectly fine, but that's only one possibility. The other possibility would be that his same circumstances would have completely destroyed you had you lived them!
     
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  7. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    I'm sick of watching the men my dad told me not to become run circles around me. And I'd like to see disgruntled worker's dad buy a house in today's housing market.
     
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  8. Disgruntled Worker

    Disgruntled Worker Fapstronaut

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    Dude, you can make excuses or you can go out there and get it. Give my dad all your "problems" and "adversity" and he's still a success. Hard work and determination and a positive mentality transcend economic peaks and troughs, they transcend technology, transcend time. Will power is not something people are born with. It's something that's conditioned through a hot, flaming iron of obstacles.

    My father was in a concentration camp for four years when he was a kid. From 1975 to 1979 the Khmer Rouge beat the shit out of him and the rest of my family and forced them to work rice fields for 15+ hours a day. He had gun pointed directly at his head by Thai soldiers when he was 12. You have ZERO concept of what difficult is.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 18, 2016
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  9. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    Compare your success with your own self and not with others. You are going to really drive yourself nuts if you constantly compare yourself outwardly. This is what society has brainwashed you to do so you buy shit you don't need with money you don't possibly have to show off to people you most probably don't know and like. Keeping up with the Jones mantra that has been subtly shoved down your throat by everyone is meant to keep you from finding your path and what fires you up.

    If you want to truly win. Find out what your path(s), passion(s) and what drives you and fires you up in the mornings. Not many people are able to achieve that because they are so caught up with money, status and prestige.
     
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  10. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Good point. Very good point. Like Lazarous mentioned: "Comparison is the thief of joy." I've never heard of this quote before, but when I looked it up, it made so much sense. Also, I have a better idea of what you're saying, so thanks.
     
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  11. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I hear what you're saying man. During the last few days, I've been feeling much better. I kind of overestimated my friend's life while underestimating my own life. When I think about it, there are certain things that he, himself, hasn't accomplished yet. So I guess it's fair game. But more importantly, like everyone else just mentioned, I will do my best to not compare myself anymore. Especially when I met up with my friend. And it's true: Comparison is the thief of joy.
     
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  12. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Hey take what I said with a grain of salt. It just bothers me when people talk like that, but it's all good. You seem to have a lot of respect and admiration for your dad just like I do. Use this as motivation, so you can become a better person and encourage others to do the same. At this point, I'm sure you already have. Other than that, don't take what I said so seriously. Both of us have better things to do rather than fuss about meaningless crap.
     
  13. 70DegreesNorth

    70DegreesNorth Fapstronaut

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    OI! Not cool, mate! You can make you're point without using bigoted language.
     
  14. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    happiness comes from many sources. at times its from family, at times its from an old friend, at times its a career high, at times its looking at urself or achieving success outside the career like by winning a sport in a friendly match with colleagues, or sharing a joke on watsapp.

    u may be working harder than others but that maybe in terms of career. your friend's reason of happiness may be other than career.
    also some people have apparently better lives. but its all right. there are folks with worse lives as well. i often look at celebs n think its so easy for them.

    it may be. and yes i would like to change my destiny if there is such a thing.
    but comparing wont change anything. it wont help.
     
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  15. 70DegreesNorth

    70DegreesNorth Fapstronaut

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    You can't earn happiness or fulfillment. Working hard and looking after your family are ends unto themselves they don't give you brownie points that you can trade in for happiness. It's not a reward or a prize or something you can catch if you chase it hard enough. Stop striving for it. It's not elsewhere. My only advice is to look into Mindfulness and meditation. Spend time around people you love and feel at ease with, things you find beautiful and get out into nature. Once you see the happiness in those things it's easier to see the happiness lying in 'duller' everyday things.

    Also, please ignore the 'stop bitching my X had it so much harder' messages. It's inspiring that those people found a way through their difficulties. However, their stories do not make your distress invalid. That's like going into hospital with a broken leg and sitting beside someone dying from cancer. That person then turns to you and says 'You can't be in real pain. I'm in real pain!'. Seeing them can make you grateful for how healthy the rest of you is and how temporary your problem is but they're cancer does not make your broken bone disappear. You still have to deal with that.

    Making people ashamed of asking for help or advice is why we end up with the depression and suicide rate we have. Thank you for asking. I hope you find your peace.
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2016
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  16. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    Your inner darkness is basically caught up in a prison, which is your porn addiction. This is why you are not happy. Your essential being as a man is being stolen away by porn. You have to understand evolution to understand why you're not happy. You see, men aren't happy when we "play it safe". We're happy when we're out there on the edge, when we have something to lose.

    The very fact that you exist today as a man is because your ancestors did some adventurous shit to get you here: they walked across continents to find food, or they jumped out of airplanes over Normandy, or they boarded creaky wooden ships and sailed into the oblivion of the ocean to reach the New World, armed only with hope. When shit gets safe, shit gets stale. This is why you envy your friend. He's been out there, he's unleashed his inner primordial darkness on the world: by travelling, by fucking multiple women, etc etc. He has venture forth into the abyss and conquered it.

    So if you want to be happy you have to put yourself out there on the edge, where every second matters, where nothing is safe. I don't know what that is for you specifically. Perhaps it's moving to the other side of the country alone. Maybe it's moving out on your own. Maybe it's pursuing some vision or goal that you have. Whatever it is, when you step off of the ledge of safety and enter the jungle of life, that is when you will truly become alive.

    On a personal level, this morning I woke up depressed and bored. On the spur of the moment I decided to head down to the beach in the pouring rain and go for a swim in the frigid water. That shit made me happy. In that 30 minutes before, during and after jumping in the ocean, was the happiest I have been in weeks. So my point is that on a certain level we are animals, and we are meant to be out there, in the chaos of the world. That's where we shine.

    PS: But make sure you use your brain and also have a plan!
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2016
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  17. Lone_Wolf

    Lone_Wolf Fapstronaut

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    Sorry, but that guy seems to be a class-A jerk, doesn't he? I hate his type. No one can complain about anything at all because his father allegedly experienced the worst things that could ever happen to a human being and anything else pales in comparison. People who go on about crap like that seem like they feel like they're in a competition and are boasting. I'd say they have psychological issues that run deep. I mean, who comes online to denigrate a guy who is experiencing legitimate problems that he's trying to work out?
     
  18. Thrices

    Thrices Fapstronaut

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    hi,im henry.see thing is,its not outside in that gives happiness,its inside out that gives happiness.happiness is a choice.its not this easy to understand as well,i recommend books,like power of now and their are many many other good books out their.learn to celebrate life,but i guess maybe u r in need of something new,u have everything,but u dont find meaning in them,believe me,not many people feel that,and ones who do have the strengh to become fuckin superstars.what i mean is you have everything and no goal left to be achieved.make a goal,if u like building muscles,go to gym and make a routine,have a goal to get big,really big.or anything you would like.AND STOP COMPARING,comparing starts it all,you aint less experienced than your friend,he just knows about his field and talk much,you know about yourself and talk less.again,happiness is inside out not outside in,change your vision,read some books on it,it'll change your fuckin life.thanks i was same thats why givin this advice.i was fuckin bored of life,my vision did it all for me.i made a career goal,added intrests and learned to choose happiness,not giving a fuck about what anybody says,books helped me to learn this art.
    update: i ddnt knw u already work out but still try to get the best out of my post.thnx
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2016
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  19. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    You have some good points. But let me remind you that I live in two different worlds simultaneously. Basically I'm stuck between choosing to live in the American society while cherishing the Asian society. I'm pressured by family and cultural responsibilities to the point where I'm about to lose my mind. And I've lived this life style for the last 28 years. In my country, any man who works hard and makes a living for himself is honored. Not because he lives on his own, but because he takes care of his family including his wife, kids, and even his elder parents. Leaving the family to live a "new life" would be disgraceful. So in my country, what I'm doing is right.

    However, when you live in a country such as America, we highly value the concept of individualism. If you live on your own and survive, you'd be considered successful. In my country, and other countries similar to mine, this is not the case. There is no such thing is the jungle of any sort. A man with responsibilities for his family is crucial if he wants to keep his legacy going. The family sticks together for life, and so does his kids' children. And one of the things I despise about America is the idea of individualism itself. It tears families like mine apart.

    As for my unhappiness, I don't believe my porn addiction is the root of the problem, but only a symptom of much larger issues. I am at a crossroads between two cultures; I don't know which one to choose. I've been wanting to live on my own, but I'm afraid of leaving my family. Also, my dad is a Buddhist monk and it puts even more pressure on me. I've thought about committing suicide because I'm so stressed! I appreciate what you have to say man, but in my case, it's not that easy. Unlike you, I wish I had a life. And I know this is something I must face on my own, whether it's finding my own happiness or sacrificing the culture of my family, I will find a way to make it all work out.
     

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