I've been pondering this thought for the last several days, and probably even more in the last few years. Sometimes I just don't understand why these things happen. Recently, I just caught up with a friend of mine who I haven't seen in 10 years! He used to live in New Hampshire and moved to New Jersey before coming back again. At first, I was very excited to see him, but when he told me what happened during the last 10 years, I started thinking about my own life. You see, I was never really satisfied with my life. Yet I have everything I need in order to survive: a caring family, great friends, a mentor, and all the support and love that most people could dream of. However, I've been living a life where I feel like it's almost meaningless. My friend has gone through a lot: he was selling drugs, street racing, going to parties, and having sex with multiple women. In a sense, he didn't live a productive life, but he decided to change himself. That's why he moved back. He seems to know a lot about life, and he talks a lot about it. The thing is: I've suffered more than he has, yet he has more experience...supposedly. Everything that he has is something that I've worked for my whole life: a girlfriend, freedom, moving out, and living life to the fullest. I, on the other hand, am bound by responsibilities I never really wanted including family and cultural. I've lived in a home where I'm always supported by my parents. My friend has lived a better life than I have. But how do you live an unproductive life, but then having the life you want? I've worked my fucking ass off, and I'm still not happy. I don't get it; WHAT am I doing wrong? I've tried to be a good person. I try to help others. Shouldn't I be happy too? No. I work harder and I even suffer more than others. It's getting to the point where I don't care anymore. I've accomplished a lot in my life, but I feel that it's all meaningless now. I mean, he's a year younger than me, and he's done things I wish I could only dream of from having gfs, partying, and so on. All I know is that I have a porn addiction and severe anger problems, but does that make me a bad person? It feels so. It feels like I don't deserve to be happy, even though I worked my ass off. Yet I have to live with more stress, lack of freedom, and a sense of unfulfillment because of my family and cultural responsibilities. I'm just so confused, and I don't know if I should continue working hard. I'm just wishing someone could give me answer.