I work harder than others yet they're happier. Why?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Namekian23, Aug 13, 2016.

  1. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I hear what you're saying man. But like I said, I've experienced situations where people have bombarded me with rude comments about my life style, daily problems, and other issues. Sometimes people are blunt and just tell the truth like it is, and at times it can be helpful as long as they're not attacking me like Disgruntled Worker did. Even worse I've had a Fapstronaut who was relentless and commented on how much of a "pussy" I was for not getting over a girl that I really liked and even adored...

    I understand where you're coming from, but we just have to ignore these kind of people. Sometimes I just try to understand them despite everything that they've said. Sometimes it works and other times it doesn't. But if you known me long enough, I'm a Fapstronaut who motivates, supports, and encourages other people. I refuse to put down others because after all, this is a support group right? Just ignore him. I may still have some sympathy for him, but he has his own battles to deal with. We should just continue to do what we do best here on Nofap. And that is to support others regardless of who they are and what they've been through.
     
  2. L Coroneos

    L Coroneos Fapstronaut

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    Well, what can I say? I want to help you. I am very stressed as well because of my IT studies. It seems like you need to find some overriding source of happiness that makes your struggles seem insignificant. For my father, who was a CEO for 13 years, it was meditation. Now he teaches meditation and he says that he's happier than he's ever been.

    Try different things, and find out what inspires you. It is the great fallacy of modern materialistic culture that having a job, owning a house and car, and having a wife and children are all we need to make us happy.

    I've been through hell like your friend. I've been laid with filthy sluts, I've gone to jail, and been belted around a few times. I still drink, smoke and (occasionally) use drugs. Yet, for the most part, I am happy, because I have found myself, known myself and learnt to like myself.

    I really recommend that you don't commit suicide! That won't solve anything, and it's bad karma. You just need to figure yourself out, I guess.
     
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  3. Lucky Shadow Posture

    Lucky Shadow Posture Fapstronaut

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    I consider the external world just another "stage" that people do their acting. I can't really believe 100% they say is true until I live a good amount of time near them. Opinion.
     
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  4. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    It is the root of the problem. If you fix that, if you stop destroying your soul through porn, then the other shit will take care of itself.
     
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  5. 70DegreesNorth

    70DegreesNorth Fapstronaut

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    Nah, mate, don't hate. I can't imagine that growing up with trauma like that in the family is easy. His expression was inappropriate and we dealt with it but the feelings of anger and alienation behind those words still deserve compassion. They are not the words of someone who's at peace with the world. Hating isn't gonna help him come to peace, it's just gonna take it from you. :)
     
  6. Lone_Wolf

    Lone_Wolf Fapstronaut

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    Why is it whenever anyone speaks contrary to anything nowadays, it's called "hate"?
    Who mentioned "hate"?
     
  7. 70DegreesNorth

    70DegreesNorth Fapstronaut

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    You did. I was using your word.
     
  8. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Haha, well said @70DegreesNorth - I LOVE it! :p He said it again just a few hours before :rolleyes:
     
  9. Lone_Wolf

    Lone_Wolf Fapstronaut

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    I guarantee I didn't use it in the way it's defined in your PC lexicon.
     
  10. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    You know what? I think you're right; my porn addiction is of the main reasons I'm unhappy, but I still don't believe that focusing solely on ending my porn addiction will make the process any faster. I believe it's a combination of changes in one's life and adaptations that will make a significant difference. If someone was obese, there must be other problems that are contributing to his condition right? He must focus on a multitude of things to alter the main problem.

    If that person focuses more on exercising, eating healthy, staying away from being unproductive, and so on, then that person has a better chance of reducing obesity once and for all. In my case, I find it's easier to focus on things that help decrease the symptoms of my porn addiction. And thus making me more confident in myself, around girls, and so on. Some examples include getting my college degree which I already have, getting my first car which I also have, and so on. I'm trying new things that I've always been afraid of such as public speaking and seeking a career that could be long term which is horticulture.

    As you can see, I'm not just focusing solely on my porn addiction; I'm actually bettering myself through other strategies. That's why I believe porn addictions will only take care of itself if you take care of the other negative things that go along with it. Other than that, it just makes sense for me to do the opposite. If I fix the other things in my life that make me unhappy first, my porn addiction will decrease naturally that way instead of the other way around.
     
  11. Just going off the initial post, I would say there are a few important things to remember...

    1. As someone else above me said, people put on a front. The people you see who seem so happy probably aren't as happy as they seem. They have plenty of their own issues that they don't want others to know about, so they don't mention those things.

    2. Working hard is good, but sometimes the things that are good for you aren't necessarily the things that make you "happy." At least not immediately happy. For example, quitting porn is very good for you and will lead to a better life in the long-run, but if you focus on immediacy, it's really tough work and it might seem that you would be happier if you didn't give it up.

    When I read the title of your post, my first thought was "well, maybe you aren't as happy as them, but that's not necessarily a bad thing." It all depends on what your focus is. If you want to be happy today, eat junk food, PMO, be lazy, etc, and you'll probably have a pretty fun day. But if you want to foster a better future for yourself, that takes work, and work is good but tough.

    In other words, I think you're on the right track. Don't fall prey to the idea that happiness is most important. And as others have said, try to avoid comparisons, because they are never beneficial.
     
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  12. Princess Anna

    Princess Anna Fapstronaut

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    It's actually really simple: Happiness is a choice.

    When we choose to appreciate what we do have and relish in the success of others we will feel happy.
    It might seem counter-intuitive and pretty hard, but it's true. I can testify of it.

    If you're too stubborn to try that just go on youtube and compare yourself to less fortunate people, it won't be real happiness, but it might dissolve a bit of your bitterness in the meantime. :) No offence <3
     
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  13. Oneness

    Oneness Fapstronaut

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    Try some classical yoga. Hatha yoga. Surya Namaskar.
     
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  14. mmny541

    mmny541 Fapstronaut

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    The only thing I can offer based off the initial post is this:

    Happiness is a moving target. We are always aiming for it.

    Just because he had certain experiences does not mean yours are any less significant and vice versa.

    You had responsibilities to adhere to and adherence to them isn't based on happiness IMO. Its moreso based on maturity and ability.

    I'm sure you have experiences that he wishes he could have, like the stability of a gf that he can trust and love. Bet you didn't think of that.

    Either way, one interaction doesn't tell you about his figurative cross to bear. We all have one, whether we lie about it or be truthful, it'll still be there.
     
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  15. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    I understand. You believe that attaining happiness requires a multi-dimensional strategy. I agree with you. What I want to impress upon you though, and this is what I was getting at in my first response, is that if you take more risks, put yourself out there more, you will be less likely to use PMO. Why? Because when you're out there taking risks, you NEED that sexual energy to give you that edge, that instinct which will allow you to succeed. When things are too safe, too cerebral, then sure, you can do X,Y,Z and have elaborate plans, but ultimately you know you are safe. When you don't know you are safe, that is when life becomes interesting, and in my view is where true happiness lies.

    Do you see what I mean?
     
  16. NoMoreOnanism

    NoMoreOnanism Fapstronaut

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    I encourage you to read the book of Job.
     
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  17. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I do agree that you need to take more risks which is something I need to do more often. But I'm not sure what you mean by the type of risks and what it involves. I'll explain my version of risk taking. For example, public speaking was one of the things I feared the most given the fact that I was shy my whole life. So in college, I decided to make a change; I took a risk like you said. As terrifying as it was, it actually became one of my passions. There's a good example of risk taking.

    But here's another one. I remember last year I met the most amazing girl in my life. She was everything I wanted and we just clicked. Unfortunately I wasn't ready to be in a relationship yet and she knew that. I needed more time to heal and when I was ready, it was too late. I took a risk but it ended up being a disaster; she ended up choosing someone else. But can you blame me? It's natural to play it safe when you've been through the same shit over and over. That means getting hurt and facing the same disappointment.

    Another thing you've mentioned was sexual energy and taking risks itself. I guess from what you're saying is that you're more of a risk taker than I am, but what I want to suggest to you is that cutting back on risk taking can be a good idea sometimes. It's better to have a balance. I've taken enough risks, especially when it came to girls. That's why I'm taking another route. As I long as I focus on myself, work hard, and be patient, that's where things get interesting for me. Because I've done what you've suggested and look where it ended up having me.

    I know that risk taking is crucial for self development, and being safe all the time is not a good idea. But like I said, I'm doing things that are slowly introducing me to take more risks, but one that isn't so reckless or insecure. Do you know what I mean? I want to take these risks in the future knowing that I'm confident in myself and that if anything bad happens, I can recover faster and regain my composure unlike last time. That's why I'm playing it safe on these particular occasions.

    I know we've been posting for a while, and I do appreciate your feedback. I will definitely keep in mind that risk taking can be productive for your self development rather than being too safe. But at the same time, I am doing things that are leading me away from being safe, and maybe one day, I'll take another risk like you said, and hopefully things will turn out better. But other than that, thanks for reminding me.
     

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