I'd rather die than masturbate

Gabriel2017

Gabriel2017

Fapstronaut
Hi fellow nofappers,
I've come to know the NoFap community almost 1 year ago. I was passing trough a tough depression with a lot of suicidal toughts. And I was heavily addicted to Porn and Masturbation. When I discovered this whole new world, I found first, a "cause" for what I was going through and a new motivation to be in this planet. And hell I was motivated, but the truth is: I never could pass the 3 weeks mark. Even with all the lifestyle changes I implemented (meditation, became a vegetarian, cold showers, exercise), my mind always found a way to convince myself I should relapse.

After all this time, trying and trying (lying and liying actually), I started a new streak some days ago, and as the title says I'd rather die than masturbate again. I really want to change my life this time cause I created so much chaos and confusion because of this addiction that I can't handle it anymore.

Also, I had a realisation today: my real problem is not pornography itself, is my escapism. Whenever I stop masturbating and start a streak I start binge wacth Youtube videos and Netflix. Maybe many of you can relate to that. The truth is painful but I cannot run away from it with other coping mechanisms. Of course, I'm cutting all of my Youtube activity during my reboot cause otherwise I will just replace an addiction for another.

Well, that's it for today. My plan is to write more here since it's my first post ever.
P.d: sorry if there is any mistake, my first language is Portuguese
Let's stay clean and become better!
 
Gabriel2017 said:
I really want to change my life this time
Click to expand...

Welcome back to the Nofap community.
Your words are really touching me. So much serious efforts to get rid of addiction.
Well - reminds me to some situations in my life when I realized I need help. In this state of desperation you have the opportunity to grow more than at any other time.

Just let me tell you: ALL IS WELL. You will make it.
Don’t focus too much on your addiction, focus on what you really want. You want true happiness. You came into this world to be happy. This is well possible.

Forget about leaving this world. This is the perfect place to grow, to discover the beauty inside of you. There is an ocean of love and joy deep inside your heart.
You are making efforts in the right direction. Accept you are human. Sometimes we are strong, sometimes we are weak. Accept yourself, like yourself, love yourself. You are a wonderful person. Everything will straighten out. I admire your efforts to let the change happen in your life. M is just one of these aspects. You made the habit, you’ll break the habit. The community will support you. There is a divine spark inside of you which makes you most lovable.
 
Hey man. I use to struggle to go over the 3 week mark as well. In fact it took me 2-3 years to reach 30 days! I would advice you to block YT if you can for few months while you are rebooting. YT is filled up with triggers and you don't even need porn to relapse if there's YT. Use YT at public libraries or at school/campus (if you are a student).

Like you said your real problem is escapism, try to work on this first. Do things that you enjoy (which doesn't involve internet, TV, gaming etc). Try to spend some time in nature everyday. Take long walks, workout, meditate (continue doing these everyday without missing a day). Hang out with people around you if you can even if you dont feel like it. Have a goal in life which needs your time and effort everyday. Try to stay busy everyday. It will be difficult in the beginning but it will get easier with time as you will learn more about this addiction and yourself.
 
Awakening123 said:
Hey man. I use to struggle to go over the 3 week mark as well. In fact it took me 2-3 years to reach 30 days! I would advice you to block YT if you can for few months while you are rebooting. YT is filled up with triggers and you don't even need porn to relapse if there's YT. Use YT at public libraries or at school/campus (if you are a student).

Like you said your real problem is escapism, try to work on this first. Do things that you enjoy (which doesn't involve internet, TV, gaming etc). Try to spend some time in nature everyday. Take long walks, workout, meditate (continue doing these everyday without missing a day). Hang out with people around you if you can even if you dont feel like it. Have a goal in life which needs your time and effort everyday. Try to stay busy everyday. It will be difficult in the beginning but it will get easier with time as you will learn more about this addiction and yourself.
Click to expand...
Solid adivce! Thanks!
/Baldur
 
Yanis said:
Welcome back to the Nofap community.
Your words are really touching me. So much serious efforts to get rid of addiction.
Well - reminds me to some situations in my life when I realized I need help. In this state of desperation you have the opportunity to grow more than at any other time.

Just let me tell you: ALL IS WELL. You will make it.
Don’t focus too much on your addiction, focus on what you really want. You want true happiness. You came into this world to be happy. This is well possible.

Forget about leaving this world. This is the perfect place to grow, to discover the beauty inside of you. There is an ocean of love and joy deep inside your heart.
You are making efforts in the right direction. Accept you are human. Sometimes we are strong, sometimes we are weak. Accept yourself, like yourself, love yourself. You are a wonderful person. Everything will straighten out. I admire your efforts to let the change happen in your life. M is just one of these aspects. You made the habit, you’ll break the habit. The community will support you. There is a divine spark inside of you which makes you most lovable.
Click to expand...

Man, I'm really thankfull for your words! I'm very inspired and hopefully I'll get to the same days as you. For now I am starting with a "little" challenge of 30 days cause all the other times my goal was 90 days and it was a negative impact on my journey rather than a motivation. I think the key is living up each day fully and being present. You are a beatiful person as well. Thanks for taking your time to help others in need
 
Awakening123 said:
Hey man. I use to struggle to go over the 3 week mark as well. In fact it took me 2-3 years to reach 30 days! I would advice you to block YT if you can for few months while you are rebooting. YT is filled up with triggers and you don't even need porn to relapse if there's YT. Use YT at public libraries or at school/campus (if you are a student).

Like you said your real problem is escapism, try to work on this first. Do things that you enjoy (which doesn't involve internet, TV, gaming etc). Try to spend some time in nature everyday. Take long walks, workout, meditate (continue doing these everyday without missing a day). Hang out with people around you if you can even if you dont feel like it. Have a goal in life which needs your time and effort everyday. Try to stay busy everyday. It will be difficult in the beginning but it will get easier with time as you will learn more about this addiction and yourself.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice, man! Yes I'm cutting off every distraction in my life cause I really gotta focus on myself and in my goals. Take care!
 
I think you're working the process as intended and as realistic. I encourage you to go deeper than labeling your trigger as "escapism". What are you trying to escape? It's difficult to really feel some things. We want to avoid the pain and cling to the pleasure. But going deeper is the only way to really heal. One approach that I'm reading about and learning to practice is abbreviated RAIN - Recognize the difficulty you are dealing with, Accept the difficulty for what it is, Investigate what is behind the difficulty, and finally Non-identification, or realizing that the difficulty is not you, or detaching from the difficulty.

Good luck on your journey.

Pease
 
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