idk

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by eoptda, May 26, 2019.

  1. eoptda

    eoptda Fapstronaut

    i've been trying to quit for more than a year now, the longest i have done without ejaculating is about a week and i think that has happened only once. otherwise it's been near impossible to last 4-5 days (and even that happens very rarely), for most part i end up relapsing just 1-3 days in.

    and it's always the same story:
    1. relapse (usually in the morning), feel the instant regret after succumbing to the desire after immediate pleasures once again.
    2. soon after comes the same old determination to abstain from it for good. at the same time there's also this feeling of being drained (both physically and emotionally), demotivated (in terms of what i would actually prefer to do instead) and straight up pathetic.
    3. this first day passes kind of peacefully for most part, and it's never really horrible or anything, but i just become easily irritable, more prone to leave literally any kind of action that isn't retarded entertainment for tomorrow/later in general and pretty hungry with makes me fuck up my meal (and with it also sleep) schedule.
    4. the next day i feel kinda same, but kinda noticeably better in all aspects. towards the evening i start feeling the desires again to fap but i am able to stay on the track (for most part at least).
    5. the day after that it becomes trickier. i am still feeling *kinda* the same, but again -- even more better in all aspects. but at the same time also the desires grow along with the well-being. and it's so hard to stay focused on something without the thoughts/''the need'' for pleasure making it notice itself again and again every now and then.
    6. eventually i start doing *it*, at first usually by myself. often times ends up with me just reaching the edge and stopping. but soon after i again feel the desires to do it, and with every next time i do it for longer and gradually ease up my restrictions on viewing arousing pictures/material on the internet.
    7. and then, from around 48h to 3-4 full days after the last time of cumming (on average), i end up reaching the point of no return once again and almost always from edging.
    8. repeat.

    the worst in all of this is that i've tried myself so much to find all the information possible on why it is good to NOT do this, about the endless benefits etc. and also different kinds of success stories either here or on youtube. still somehow every time i get to convince myself every time that *it's ok to do it just a little* and once i do sth like even jerking off for a couple seconds off of the morning wood or whatever, it starts going down a spiral from there which i havent been able to resist from yet.

    atm im at the point 6., havent ejaculated for 2.5 full days but today i already edged a couple times, with some of them being 0.1% away from resetting the day counter once again but i somehow managed to not go over the edge. just the thoughts about what i wouldve felt like if i did go over it again depresses me. :c i still do feel weirdly ok about myself being able to abstain from it and say no in a situation i usually couldnt before, but its far from perfect.

    there are so many things i would rather do instead and this is a huge time and energy leak for me for me which i struggle so hard to deal with no matter what i do. in the end, every sort of effort seems useless.

    help and advice appreciated
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2019
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  2. You are NOT ALONE! This cycle of react relapse remorse reconfirm commitment relapse repeat is very common. You are among friends who are here to help and support as you work through this process. Use this place to evaluate what you want, where you continue to struggle and plan to attack these challenges openly. Find the places and times where you usually relapse and fill those times with better and more positive experiences. If you usually wake up and immediately PMO then try putting your phone or computer in another room so it’s not grabbing your immediate attention. Hop in the shower and blast yourself with cold water reconfirming what you want out of that moment. You don’t want to continue this cycle-you want to gain control over your urges. You want to feel better about your choices. Then get in with activities that make you feel challenged and excited. If the urges return-get back in the shower and start again. It’s about shifting the power of these feelings into something that you control rather than the other way around.

    And use this place to talk things out-there are lots of dudes going through the exact stuff you are in real time so as long as you are interacting with others you won’t have to feel so alone.

    Also know that the F-ups are part of the process of learning where your triggers are. So don’t get discouraged by them...learn from all of them!
     
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  3. Jwill21702

    Jwill21702 New Fapstronaut

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    sorry typo
     
  4. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Whether or not you O'd from edging, edging is really bad for you. Edging is not consistent with a healthy re-boot. Whether or not you reset your counter is up to you, but generally speaking, edging would be considered at least a reset, if not a relapse.

    Read this about edging:


    Short version: DO NOT EDGE ! EVER !

    Edging is really bad. Edging trains your body and mind to expect and to need prolonged, often very intense, stimulation in order to reach O. That level of mental and physical stimulation doesn't happen with PIV relations. Guess what: when you attempt PIV, your body and mind don't receive the kind of stimulation it needs to O, instead your body responds with PIED and DE. Not good.

    Edging does NOTHING good, so stop. Easier said than done, but it is certainly NOT impossible and very much worth every bit of effort required to stop this damaging activity.

    For more information about edging, have a look at:

    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...masturbate-edge-or-watch-porn-without-orgasm/

    DO NOT EDGE. EVER !


    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
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  5. eoptda

    eoptda Fapstronaut

    yeah ive heard about that a lot too, but at the same time when looking for methods to improve/treat pe, that was suggested as one of the things and, while it indeed has its bad sides (personally one is that it makes it gradually harder for me to resist from doing it again and again which eventually leads to O when i mismanage it and go over the edge AND also it makes me more prone to be looking up for arousing pictures/videos/straight up porn too if i do it for too long or if i want to do it on the spot (as opposed to when i would be doing it when aroused or when i have the morning wood)), it has helped me in the sense that i can control myself noticeably better when it comes to orgasming, i have learned to hold it even in situations which before in 100% of situations ended up in being a mess. but i suppose i have overlooked the fact that the problem might be stemming from the fact that i already have masturbated too excessively ever since i've started doing it, and never really have i abstained for long enough to see if maybe that's what's causing the problem in the first place. :d

    too bad i never fully took that in consideration, i'll think of this from now on for sure.

    One day at a time, but with the greater plan in mind. - should do for me; the times i relapse are usually the ones in which i forget (just enough) about what i want to save my time/energy for in the first place, and then i, even though subtly but still, lose control and just let it happen. :l


    12 for me would be a record at this point, wish you luck on your goals tho
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2019
  6. Always be positive

    Always be positive Fapstronaut

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  7. eoptda

    eoptda Fapstronaut

    thanks! its been a while since i haven't consumed meat and dairy, still occasionally consuming sugar but mostly in the form of grandma's made jams which i can't say no to. :d (and even those i don't tend to do often. i also already have formed the habit over the past year to fast daily for 20-23+ hours, if there's anything that disturbs those cycles is feeling drained/powerless after ejaculation which often results in me eating at a time of the day i usually don't (but then i still fast for 20+hours, its just hard to get back to eating when i prefer to afterwards), and i can't remember the last time the shower that i'd be having would not be cold. but i still would very much like to form a habit of meditating daily, i've had some limited success with 1h long sessions, but never done it regularly. i've never done it with mantras or anything like that, but i've heard about it and it sounds interesting tbh; could you recommend me any?
     
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  8. Always be positive

    Always be positive Fapstronaut

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    Youve built all the great habits for yourself, all you need to do when you listening to mantras is to relax, not thinking about anyting, being in peace of mind and focus on sounds which entering your ears, from my experience i started enjoying mantras more then other music, and until i know about matras i started enjoying music even more becouse im in present moment and not thinking about anyting, mantras will help you achieve whatever you want in life, all you need to do is to believe and take action too, mantras like finding love, success will need time to work, mantras like feeling better, raising vibration, removing negative emotions or anyting like that will work immidiately, from my experience they are definitely magic, ive listened a lot of mantras, i need to think a lot what to recommend ^_^

     
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  9. eoptda

    eoptda Fapstronaut

    oh yeah, ive listened such before, but idk, i find most types of noise/music/voices distracting when meditating, but ill definitely try to experiment around with some or maybe just with the volume + some that i already have listened. well, either way thank you again for the suggestion!
     
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  10. Always be positive

    Always be positive Fapstronaut

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    You are welcome :) i thought you didnt listen to mantras at all, there is a lot of music which is noise, but not all music
     
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  11. eoptda

    eoptda Fapstronaut

    well, basically you thought right, even though i had listened to them in the past, its been a long while since then.

    and i actually tried to find some that i would find good-sounding and fit the purpose of whatever is important for me now (didnt go too deep into it, just went along with whatever titles seemed to fit xd). and after trying for a couple hours, for me the difference between meditating on my own vs when using mantras is that when i do it in silence (being on my own with thoughs etc.) its as if im swimming in an ocean and trying to find my way, well idk if necessarily out - more like just trying to evade poisonous jelly fish (= garbage thoughts). when i do it with mantras its similar except i have a rope to hang on to which is attached to a boat of a kind that makes it easier to travel through the ocean. while it is nice, the notion of making it easier kinda beats the purpose for me (so in that sense theyre kinda like a noise for me just as any other song, voice, sound would be xd). but its still nice to do it that way nonetheless, especially in the morning, so i might just stick to doing both, just at different times of the day. either way, thank you again for showing/reminding me of them! :d

    also when i tried to just play them in background while i was doing sth else, at the beginning it was kinda ok, but after some time it became subtly irritating. it couldve been also just my mood at the time in general so im not entirely sure and might try some more, but for now i think ill keep it just for the morning meditations.
     

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