If going 90 days is the magic pill, why do so many still relapse after?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by NotSoAverageJoe, Jul 9, 2017.

  1. NotSoAverageJoe

    NotSoAverageJoe Fapstronaut

    Let's say you make it! Whoo 90 days no pmo!

    Great, now what? So many guys here fail again and again and again.

    I'm gonna try a different approach, quitting porn but if I want to masterbate and fantasize so be it.

    I know it's a selfish act but so what? I've wasted the last 5 years trying to go no pmo failing every fucking time.

    Maybe I'm just sexually repressed and never allowed myself to fantasize in the first place and so I was addicted to porn. It was also a way to escape pain. For me porn is the enemy and I have barely ever actually masterbated. I'd watch P for hours plus cyber sex/ RP

    I'm a virgin and who knows when I'll meet someone but until then, imma do me. Cause NoFap sucks and the only way to change a habit is to replace it.

    I just don't want to waste 3 months trying to do no pmo only to fail and have to start all over again

    Obviously keep it under control, at the most every 10 days, then 14, 21, maybe try for 30.

    The lack of physical pleasure vs amount of pain I've been going through is creating the imbalance and depression.

    Say what you want but I've wasted too many years on this whole NoFap shit.

    Peace out
  2. mghyper17

    mghyper17 Fapstronaut

    becuse they hit the main target and in life when you reach some goal you have less power to do this again..
  3. NightReaper775

    NightReaper775 Fapstronaut

    Look, I do not know the exact details of your reboot, but I went beyond 90 days once and then I relapsed, it is no magic pill, what matters is how you learn to deal with the problems. You appear to be too focused on losing your virginity and sexual life overall. I am a virgin too, I too was very dissapointed with myself, but you know what? I tried to live without those feelings, and I succeeded in a way, until I could not cope with stressful moments. I could have blamed NoFap for my mistakes or me being under pressure at that degree, but I did not, living without that self-pleasuring act around my head 24/7 helped me to start doing new things and changing other habits, I was just too cocky to notice and cope with the problems with the energy and time starting a streak gave to me.

    Yes, you are right, you just replace habits, but you do not have to trade one addiction for another. As I already stated, you appear to have gone 5 years thinking about the "No" part only, and not about the rewiring process, the creation of new habits to refill your time and energy with. Have you stopped other addictions as well? They really tend to refuel your desire for PMO.

  4. Fighter834

    Fighter834 Fapstronaut

    There is no hard and fast rule that says going 90 days will 'cure' you of your addiction. That said, there are many people, myself included who have been able to maintain that recovery well beyond that first 90 days. Its a milestone like any other and should be seen as such. Today...more than 2 years into my recovery...I am still doing all of the things I was doing in those first 90 days. I didn't see the 90 day mark as an end but more as an accomplishment along the way.

    Many people fall into a trap when they hit milestones that they don't see coming. If it's not anticipated it sucks people in and catches them off guard. It's entitlement. When you've been abstaining from something addictive and let your guard down, such as when you hit a milestone or reach that 90 day mark, you may start hearing a voice in your head saying: "you've come so far and accomplished so much...a little PMO won't hurt", "You know how to beat this now so doing PMO today is okay", or "I'll just do PMO every now and then now that I've gone 90 days but I won't let it take over me". I had these thoughts often and had to say out loud every time those thoughts encroached on me, "That's just not me anymore". I would remove myself from the situation, do something else, and the thoughts quickly dissipated. I never let me guard down after that and I don't plan to start now. This is an addiction. People who quit smoking or drinking alcohol or illicit drugs know very well that any addiction does not just go away after 90 days, 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, or 10 years. This is a part of who we all are now but it can be controlled and managed. And the farther out you get...the easier it gets to manage. If you accomplished 90 days, you have all of the tools in place to maintain recovery for years. But you have to be willing to make the lifestyle choices and decisions to keep it going. We all must make that decision.

    As for allowing fantasies, that's ultimately one of those decisions we all have to make. Most would agree that it's a dangerous slope to allow that back in. Allowing fantasies will ultimately lead to past porn videos and images you've seen and, in my eyes at least, that's not much different than watching porn directly. This also engages dopamine which feeds the addiction and will make your cravings stronger and more frequent again; undoing all of your hard work over the first 90 days.

    That said, nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. If you relapse after 90 days, just remember what you've accomplished before, get back on track, figure out where you went wrong and take action to correct it so it doesn't happen again. Anyone following on this website has the same goal in mind...we want to recover from this addiction. The decisions and sacrifices you have to make are real. But if you stay on the right path and learn from mistakes, you'll find your recovery. Keep fighting ;)
    Smartboyj, NZT 48 and IamRick like this.
  5. IamRick

    IamRick Fapstronaut

    NoFap isn't for everyone, if you've been at it for 5years it may not be for you either. With that said everyone learns & grows at a different rate, some guys hit day 90 on their first try, I myself have been doing this 6years & my best is day 39 but im gonna keep at it. If you want to take an easier approach I wont tell you not to, but don't you think it wold be far more valuable to you, your will power, your self-discipline, your self-esteem & overall character to tough this out? Calm seas never make good sailors man, just a thought.
    We CAN Do This! likes this.
  6. NotSoAverageJoe

    NotSoAverageJoe Fapstronaut

    Mistaking sexual anorexia for recovery is bullshit.

    I'm replacing porn with masterbation cause humans are sexual creatures and sexual repression creates perversions.

    Why do you think a lot of priests are pedos? Just saying...

    Repression leads to depression and maybe the way out is expression.

    I'm in school
    Running 1-3x per week
    Gym 3x per week
    Working for my dad
    Doing bioenergetics therapy
    Seeing an addictions councillor and attending SLAA meetings.
    Read 12 books so far this year

    Why all the hate on having a healthy masterbation session occasionally?

    Maybe your all just addicted to NoFap, ever think of that?

    Maybe it's just gonna be a transition phase rewiring my mind to not crave porn anymore.

    I don't doubt the benefits but having to suffer for months or years fighting with yourself only to fail again and again makes zero sense to me.

    Gonna try it my way.
    IamRick likes this.
  7. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

    We all need a purpose in life. If we have lived to enjoy PMO, removing that just leaves a hole. We need to find a bigger better purpose, or we will likely return to the muck.
    NoFap has a role in helping us get free from PMO, but it does not give us a positive purpose. We have to find that in ourselves and with those close us.
  8. YngwieWanksteen

    YngwieWanksteen Fapstronaut

    We all have the equipment, our brains. We're all about the same intelligence, even if you don't believe that, I would argue that more intelligence doesn't necessarily make recovery easier. We all have the same resources, all the information on this website.

    I guess what I'm saying is obvious, maybe the reason so many fail is because we are each so different. I agree a lot with what the above posters said and I think I'm just paraphrasing them here, and hopefully the following explains what I mean.

    I go to AA meetings and it is a very misleading name. Alcoholism is only about alcohol in that alcohol is not the problem, alcohol is the solution. When we couldn't deal with life, when we were lonely, etc we use alcohol. Of course, alcohol is the problem, but not really, it was our escape. Leave all the 12 step bullshit out of it(if you want to call it bullshit), some people can just quit booze and get readjusted to life(they don't need AA meetings to get sober and good for them). Some cannot, you can tell, they call them "dry drunks", they're pissed off, anxious, whatever, they've just stopped drinking but they're the same people.

    I'm leaving it pretty vague and open to interpretation. In fact, I am going to contradict myself a bit here, but like the above posters are kinda saying, some people are probably just not "smart enough" to realize they have do other things to improve their life. Or if they do, they simply don't.

    I myself am still struggling with the idea that I could be loved by a woman, that I am behind the times, not "with it" enough to be able to connect with a woman of my generation. Then the thought of "man, it's going to be so much work to get up to speed, maybe going back to porn would just be easier" or really just "you're too weird, or not wired for this world". The way I am trying to solve this is by having "faith" in just putting myself out there, allowing myself to possibly be hurt by a woman, but also possibly allowing myself to be loved by one.

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