If I find it "easy" to stay away from porn it means I'm not an addict?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Rebel A., May 22, 2020.

  1. Rebel A.

    Rebel A. Fapstronaut

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    Hi, dear friends! I just wanted to ask you this in a complete honesty and in a friendly and not arrogant way. I've been away from PMO for like 2 months now and I feel it easy to not masturbate or watch porn at all and I'm starting to get "erections" if I see normal women in the street or in Facebook.

    These are not erections per se, just engorgement of like 40-50% max but I feel like my libido is up when I see real women but I completely forgot about porn and those urges for masturbation that I had.

    Would this mean I'm not that addict as I thought I were? I'm gonna see my gf in a month (so 3 months NoFap) but I'm not sure If I can have sex with her or if I should wait till 6 months hard mode to be completely cured.

    Hope you guys can give me some advice because I really want this forever in my life.
     
  2. So what was your behaviour like before? You're sounding like you're in a good place, but what was the previous behaviour?

    I'd also caution in being a "cured addict". I'm not going to tell you if you were or not, but my experience of my addiction is that I cannot be cured - I can manage better, be healthier, make changes, but I'll always be in a recovery/maintenance stage.

    As background, I've tried to beat this 3 times now - the first time I did ok, thought I'd got it beat and had years of sobriety. The 2nd time I was more isolated and under pressure when fighting it and relapse in months. I'm now fighting again - I'm the worst I've been and have done shameful history here.

    My advice to beating this is try to look at why you were addicted - what triggered or caused it. Addiction is usually one of two things - unmet needs or unresolved issues. So try and think around that, as whether we say you're cured or not or whatever, this will help.
     
  3. I think the term addict is overused, but that there is a lot of room between the extremes of 'perfectly functional human being' and 'addict'. For instance, there are some people who have no issues with staying away from alcohol, but if they decide to have a drink, they can't stop until they're shitfaced and have offended everyone in the bar. I wouldn't consider this an addiction, personally, because in this scenario there is no mental craving, obsessing over where they will get their next drink, etc. but this person is probably better off staying away from alcohol. On the other hand, a lot of people would probably call this person an addict, and they might be right as well. Labels can be affirming for some, and frustrating for others.

    So if I were in your shoes, I'd ask myself 'What consequences have come because of my PMO? Am I able to regulate this without obsessing over it or constantly thinking about my next fix? Regardless of whether it is manageable or not, do I prefer my life/like myself more when I've cut PMO out?'
     

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